Hi there! I don’t have any type of support nor can I afford the treatment so here is a little rant about what’s been going on. I’ve had pure o since I was a child and been dealing with it for years. I’m 16 now and since I could remember I had disgusting and disturbing images always screaming at me so it felt and it’s gone really worse over the years. I fear that I’ll think it’s ok and agree with the thoughts even though I know I’m nothing like what it says it’s so damaging it hurts so much. I’m drowning with doubt I’m so scared i don’t know what to do I feel like I’m losing myself I’m disgusted by myself and I’m even dissociating and have symptoms of schizophrenia it all feels like a way to cope though. I’ve been cutting as a way to cope as well because of the thoughts I feel like I deserve to be cut and be beaten I’m so scared I’ll get myself into dark places like relaying on drugs or bad people. I feel so alone I’m so uncomfortable all the time it is so exhausting it’s disgusting I feel so dead inside I’ve even attempted suicide 4 times maybe more i don’t know. I know In my heart I’m not a bad person and I love big but the thoughts and ugly unwanted feelings and manipulation makes it so hard for me i feel like it’s traumatized me even more from my childhood I just feel like I’m going insane. I also have Pocd which is the worst it has ruined my life i’m so depressed it’s so hard to talk about it I really hope it ends if not I’m not sure how long I will live for or where I’ll end up with my mental health. Thank you for listening! and if you are struggling as well I hold your hand with love and sympathy stay strong!!

Im pretty new to NOCD, I have also struggled with POCD and Pure O.. They are all horrible, Its really horrible when your right in it. I hope this forum type thing lets you know that your not alone. You know the whole "dont think about a pink elephant" ? It can happen with anything really. for example "dont think the colour red" The problem is we dont wanna think things because of what that says about us. It is one of the hardest things to just welcome thoughts and recognize they are OCD and not who we are. I dont know if it will help you but what I did was stopped pushing the POCD thoughts away and after a week or two i noticed that they werent popping up so much anymore.

Also quick tips fr depression. Deep freeze (muscle gel) or use ice. Ok so when u wanna sh put it on an area without cuts and it's so Cold that you will feel like you have already hurt yourself. It has allot of science backing it up that ice can be a way to shock you outta panic attacks too.

Ok I know it feels shit when people say that they can relate but honestly. Having OCD throughout your childhood really sucks because while some people can remember a time before OCD so they have something to look forward to. Getting better form depression is so tough I am a couple months free from sh. I had many themes of OCD my brain likes to keep things spicy 🤣. Pocd can be a pain in the ass. Your not dirty it's just OCD. learning to differentiate between thoughts and OCD is honestly a life saver. You are doing so well and what is so beautiful is how you ended that message. I think if you are truly an asshole you wouldn't end you message encouraging others. You care so much about other people's feelings that you are beating yourself up about it. OCD attacks the areas of your life you care about most (such as being a good person). Remember that while you often try to take care of everyone else in your life remember to take care of yourself because you are so freaking worth it.