- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Take a deep breath.... you're going to be okay. This is the power of anxiety:it sends you into panic mode and makes you feel more lost, scared and confused by the second....but you're going to be okay. I really think you should consider talking to your therapist again....you thinking that he's going to think you're rude is part of that anxiety... but turns out that he's probably going to understand. That's the point of a therapist- no judgement. He's going to walk you through exercises that help you access these thoughts and feelings individually. You can overcome this anxiety. I know how you feelš£... sometimes I just wanna grab anxiety's spindly legs and fling it across the room,out of my mind. You're going to be okay ā¤ļø
- Date posted
- 3y
You have to take that next step. You have to push yourself, step into the light. Discover yourself, celebrate yourself, be gentle with yourself. You may come to find out youāre not gay at all, itās just the fear that made you feel this way. But you wonāt know until you try
- Date posted
- 3y
ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø keep posting on here if you need to. Keep doing what you can to reach out for support and help. You are not alone. You are not wrong for the way you feel. You are not wrong for being sick. You need help and support and compassion. Youāre a human being just like the rest of us, you are a complex individual and there isnāt a single thing about you that is bad or wrong. You deserve to be heard and understood. You deserve to be free from how distressing your thoughts are. Even if you are ājust gayā, you are still experience a lot of pain and distress and you still deserve help with that. You shouldnāt feel so horrible about your thoughts and about who you are. You have your whole lifetime to figure out your gender and sexuality and what you want in a partner. In the mean time, you shouldnāt feel horrible about every thought and what those thoughts might mean, and you should be able to love and accept every new thing you learn about yourself, no matter what those things may be. You donāt have to figure out your sexuality right now. You HAVE to get the help you need to stop feeling so horrible all the time. You deserve it.
- Date posted
- 3y
Remember, this is hocd, if you are afraid of your sexual orientation and it doesn't bring you relief, it is ocd and not a true thing
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that itās most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like Iāve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I donāt feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. Iāve never felt this weirded out. Because Iāve always been straight and still believe I am but Iāve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I donāt believe Iām gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I donāt hate the idea of gay people but I canāt imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I havenāt really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didnāt last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. Iāve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. Iāve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I donāt want this. But I hate how I canāt just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It wonāt quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. Iām lonely I donāt have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe Iām straight and I just canāt see myself with a guy. It just doesnāt feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because thatās where I can have peace of self. It sucks but Iām so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I canāt even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but Iām scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldnāt ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes Iām religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. Iāve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. Iāve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But itās still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I donāt suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I donāt wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
- Date posted
- 22w
Like I canāt think straight. This is making me doubt everything Iāve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I donāt. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go āoh so you like it you must be gayā or the other one where Iām not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that Iāve had my whole life and my mind goes āsee now youāre not into them youāre gayā like itās so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or āa thing of the pastā. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and itās so weird. Today Iāve spent my whole day thinking about it like Iāve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just wonāt let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
- Date posted
- 16w
I tried checking if I like gay stuff and itās genuinely disgusting to me. I can tell whether or not a man is attractive and when they are it does scare me and makes me question myself yet, itās always the same response, I donāt get how you can do that with another man. Doing anything sexual just feels so gross and wrong. I donāt think that I am magically turning gay. I donāt think my orientation is changing or hasnāt been explored. I simply find that stuff gross. I have never had anything wrong with gay people and I am a true believer that people have choices they can make with free will so itās not that Iām homophobic, just keep that stuff away from me lol. Saying so, I donāt get why I am getting these thoughts. These images in my head, constant need of checking if I fall in the spectrum, constant checking whether I like someone of any gender, constant checking whether or not I am getting groinal responses. No matter what answer I get, my mind still wants an answer, an answer to the next question that itāll create after answering the one before it. I have always liked girls and always been so proud of it, I am in a relationship right now with a beautiful girl Iāve had a crush on since 2nd grade. (I am 19) Whatever mental illness I have has ruined our relationship. Everything feels forced on my side, I donāt remember the joy I had before this but I have glimpse throughout the days of the things weāve done together that makes me happy and look forward to life. I am constantly checking to see if my attraction is still there for her and the scary part is, when I am stuck in my head, I am not but, to alter that, when I get that freedom and feel like my normal self, I get a hyper amount of love for her and it feels so nice. These thoughts all began after me and my girlfriend had an argument, 5 months ago we got in an argument over her not giving me enough space. She always wanted to be a part of a plan with my male friends. I never minded her when it was just us two so itās not that I hated being with her, it was just that I had no time to be independent. ( I also had no job and nothing going for myself. ) One odd day after spending so much time stuck in the house due to weather, I had random thought on whether or not I truly loved her. We were only 4 months into the relationship so I didnāt have an answer and since it felt like I needed an answer, it became obsessive, I couldnāt stop checking. After hours with that thought, I started to wonder whether or not I was interested in other things like K I D S. This thought was an automatic no and I began to fight it. I wasnāt going to accept that, each day felt like a living hell. The questions would change each day, do I miss my ex, was my ex better, do I like my M O M, do I want to K I L L so and so, do I want to kill myself. One day I woke up and had it all in control, felt like magic, after I watched a video on ROCD and realized, oh, I am not the only one but, this is where my compulsions got even worse. I couldnāt stop checking the internet, seeing if I relate to others, watching more videos. I regret this everyday because this compulsion created so many new thoughts and questions for me to answer. About 2-3 weeks went by and a thought passed by that has been stuck with me since along with other thoughts. I thought back to what I did as kid and in the past. I remembered a traumatic event where my brother touched me (5yr old M) inappropriately. This made me question whether or not I liked it and I couldnāt find an answer, couple years (10yr old M) after that I unfortunately did the same to my cousin (8yr old M). I feel so much shame and guilt for it. My mind turned black and white, āMaybe this isnāt a do you like your girl or not but instead, maybe you just like boys I mean, you obviously never asked yourself if you like what you did soā. This question was terrifying for me because it meant that I could no longer love my girl, my whole life till now has been a lie. So I began to question everything in my past up to date to find an answer. No matter what answer I fed my mind, it would not be satisfied and simply create more questions. It felt like my mind was forcing me to be gay, whether or not I liked it. 4 months has passed and the questions have just gotten worse, something I was initially so afraid of. I am in constant fight or flight mode, I am always anxious and I canāt feel nothing. I get times of relief when I am reminded of my past, when my gf turns me on, or when I find an answer to question my mind conjured up. I started to go to church but itās always been a struggle for me to believe. I canāt go to the gym anymore because everywhere I look I am questioning myself. My porn addiction has went away but mostly because I canāt find anything attractive anymore. I can only find comfort and discomfort. Something that was once so easy for me would 1 day be nonexistent and hard to live without. I donāt know what the truth is anymore. My life feels like a made-up lie. Though I have always loved women, fantasized about them, get extremely nervous around them, pray for them, romanticize them, etc. I now have no idea what it feels like to be in love, interested, or even happy for a woman. My attraction hasnāt vanished completely, I still can look a girl and be stunned, l simply just canāt destroy the feeling it gives me. I get so anxious and begin to question everything about the women, the feeling, myself. I am having a crisis.
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