- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I think that is the thing. I was very very happy in my relationship before all this started and generally happy in myself. It’s only when this flared up that I started to question it all. But even now as I say this my brain is thinking actuallt was my mental health good? I don’t even know anymore
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi Brad, I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I’m experiencing something very similar and it really is nothing short of hellish. You’re not alone. Everything you’re describing sounds very typical of HOCD or SOOCD. Including the fear of being in denial. I’ve experienced all the things you’re describing and it has and continues to be the hardest thing I’ve ever lived through. I try to remind myself that this feeling will nor last forever. I’m hopeful that therapy and treatment can help. I’m wishing the best for you and know that you’re not alone. The fact that you are having these fears and doubts doesn’t make them true. It means that you have a treatable illness and these are very typical symptoms regardless of how they ‘feel’ in the moment. You can get through this.
- Date posted
- 3y
There’s times when I’m with my partner and I get this sense of calm and attraction. And almost as if I’ve been cured and I can carry on with the way things were. And then I ruminate and get triggered and I fall back into this depressive anxious state I’m in now.
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD And in these calm states. I feel so good and optimistic. And then when I look back on them it just seems like denial or something similar
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD I experience the exact same thing. My therapist said to look at those moments of peace as progress
- Date posted
- 3y
@iggy_c Okay that does make sense, and is also helpful thank you
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ve experienced all of that too. Feeling the doubt coming back is just devastating. When I’m in the depths of OCD it’s pretty clear to me that my mental health isn’t doing well. I try to remember that the only things I should be taking seriously, are what I know of myself when I am mentally well. When I’m deep in an OCD episode my mind, quite frankly, can’t be trusted. Not that it’s that easy.
- Date posted
- 3y
This article might be helpful as well, to help you recognize these thoughts for what they are. https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/unwanted-intrusive-thoughts
- Date posted
- 3y
I get that a lot too. I had my initial attack of OCD when I was a teen, then being diagnosed was enough to give me peace of mind and confidence in myself and who I am. I had almost 20 years OCD free with multiple fulfilling and happy relationships. But now with all the stress of COVID it is like my resilience is down and my OCD has come roaring back in spite of all those years I had that showed who I truly am. OCD doesn’t care about the truth. It will try cast doubt on anything and everything, including throwing the past into a different light.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I don’t know what to do anymore, this started nearly a year ago and caused so much stress and panic attacks over the thought of loosing my boyfriend. Now it just feels real and that he always liked girls and suppressed it (but like the boys i always liked in the past were real feelings they had to be and with my boyfriend i love him) but i haven’t got much anxiety now feels like i want the thoughts and that they don’t bother me even tho they used to, this seems to happen every time i get a lil better, idk just feels so true and that’s what i acc want with no stress, just a lil scared.
- Date posted
- 19w
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
- Date posted
- 19w
I’m really anxious because I know my ocd is really bad right now so I shouldn’t try to figure it out cause my thinking is a mess but I’ve been having feelings of like I’m not sure if I love him anymore or worrying that I haven’t felt a lot like numb (a lot because ocd has been getting worse and worse) and thinking of like how I’ve been focusing on the negatives and only been looking at him through that lens and analyzing and also feeling like I don’t want this anymore. Basically just like negative thinking in feeling like I’m really scared it’s that it’s I don’t love him cause I don’t want it to be over and the thought of having someone replace him makes me ill. But like it feels like I’m not seeing him how I used to and it makes me upset. Today I was near someone I was like oh this person is cute and then I was thinking that the possibility of meeting someone new sounds exciting and now I’m freaking out because this in combination with feeling like maybe I don’t love him anymore is bad. Also my thoughts keep changing. and like sometimes it feels like I don’t care at all and this has happened but like worst it’s ever been and then other times I’m like I do care I do still feel. I’m just really anxious has anyone else felt this before and it was still ocd? 😭😭
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