TW* im in panic mode I just googled about tocd out of little desparation and boredom and somehow ended up reading loads of comments and this one post from a guy who transitioned into a girl, that post triggered me really bad, and i was able to relate to some things there. I have alot of anxiety right now and my body feels very hot, ears, feet, Its hard to focus man. Wtf do I do? I feel like im losing myself( not sure if I actually am) falling in a hole, away from everyone, my family, myself, sinking deeper in depression. Im scared guys, is this really happening? All the proof about my gender being wrong is coming up. I cant take it anymore, its 3 am right now, Im scared shitless and panicking really bad

I dont know what to say man, I had had a massive panic attack earlier and its still going really strong. That guys post in reddit about transition triggered me really bad, I dont think whats happening to me is tocd. It started off as Hocd in may 2020 and now I think im gay and trans. And I actually feel embarassed because of societal reprecussions etc etc. I just had this thought where I was speaking to a therapist in my head and he asked me " how would you feel if your family loved you if you were trans, I replied that would be nice to which he replied so you just want trans thing to be normalized" and that hit me like a truck My brains completely ruined by hocd obsession and now Im trans and I actually feel so much shame. I just wish I was dead man, Im broken down and just want to cry.

My whole life past and future pretty much flashed before my eyes during the panic attack and how me being trans will affect me and how things would look like for me in the future. Its just true man, its 7 in the morning right now, I havent slept and I have a massive headache and feel like throwing up. I just wish I slept and never woke up, I genuinely do wish that, even prayed for it.

@Imaan7 Dude if it ever gets this bad you should call 911. A panic attack is still an emergency. I really hope youre doing okay and talk to your therapist about this.

@Bimmi I really think this is me. I went to bed with a panic attack and woke up with one. My entire dream was about transgender. I even feel like a girl now that likes men and feel extremely embarassed about it and if I were to tell my family about it it would bring them alot of trouble and shame. I nearly cried last night, my whole body shook because of this. I dont know what to do my future is ruined. I even had this feeling and thinking that If I wasnt part of such a big family and lived alone in a different country I would be ok with this. This is not ocd, ughhh

@Bimmi This just triggered me, i dont want to do anything about it. Ughhh, see my new post please. I dont know what to do. Im just stuck and cant face the truth