So about a year ago I feel like I fully recovered from hocd, and it felt great. I moved out of my parents house, fell in love with my current boyfriend (now living with him) and gor a new job that I actually like. Now starting about a month ago I was talking to my best friend about how I've been with this guy for almost a year now and how I wanted nothing more then to marry him. (Side note note: I grew up in a very Christian house hold but I never really took it seriously, I was always forced to go to Church, pray, worship, etc and I hated it. I loosely consider myself a Christian because I don't agree with a lot of the stuff the Bible says but I like the values. So basically just be a good person.) Now the day after I said that I started freaking out, because my boyfriend isn't a Christian. Growing up I never seen myself wanting to marry a Christian man or the super religious type, just cause I never want to go through what my parents put me through. Now it's all I can think about. I'm starting to loose all feelings like I did with HOCD and I'm panicking! I don't know if I'm actually thinking these things or if my OCD is back with a religious or relationship theme. I haven't been sleeping my chest has been so full of anxiety. I was so sure this was the guy I wanted to marry a few weeks ago, now I don't know and it breaks my heart. Sorry this is kinda all over the place, I'm just panicked and kinda hoping I can find someone who can relate.

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

I’m Catholic and still believe in God but i have similar experiences with my Mom. She probably wasn’t quite as bad as your parents but still. And even when I was as into it as my mom was when I was younger I don’t want a Christian man I was going to say or someone who believes in God that would be nice but in general I was never actually concerned whether or not they believed in God as long as they respected my beliefs. You don’t have to marry a fellow Christian to be a good person/Christian

TaraTherese

Date posted: 3y

Thank you, I know it doesn't make me a bad person. It's just my brain is attacking me.

Joce5

Date posted: 3y

I just wanted to say you're not alone and I'm sorry. I have relationship OCD and mental contamination ocd. I couldn't sleep at all last night and panicked about it and called off work and now I feel so panicked today. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

TaraTherese

Date posted: 3y

I actually called off work two days ago because I didn't sleep. Thank you for relating, it makes me feel a little better know I'm not alone.

arunb

Date posted: 3y

There's no such thing as really recovering from OCD. This is a chronic condition. I think the word recovery is really patronising this is something we have to deal with every moment of our conscious waking thought know that overcome but battling a very mind using our mind

Joce5

Date posted: 3y

Welp that just triggered me😅🤦🏼‍♀️

arunb

Date posted: 3y

@Joce5 Good😉 that's how we do erp

TaraTherese

Date posted: 3y

And I didn't recover from OCD, I recovered from HOCD. A theme, I very rarely think about it now. I'm just now having a different theme coming back at me in full swing.

Joce5

Date posted: 3y

@arunb I'm confused because there's stories of people saying they recover? This really just started full swing for me a few months ago and I just can't imagine having to live like this forever. I feel so nervous all the time now and am constantly fighting off intrusive thoughts that I'll get ocd about everything, that I'll always feel nervous around my loved ones. Recovery and hope that it won't be like this forever pushes me thru.

TaraTherese

Date posted: 3y

@Joce5 You will most likely never be able to recover from OCD, but it is totally possible to recover from the themes. And once you know how to handle one theme it makes it much easier to handle new ones too, and it won't be nearly as devastating as it is now. ERP is super scary, but I promise you it's worth it.

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