I'm having a really rough day. I've only met with my therapist twice so far so this is all new to me. I have realationshp ocd and mental contamination ocd. So today I was supposed to work. Last night I just found myself wide awake. I don't know if I had too much caffeine at dinner in my Pepsi and decaf coffee I had that evening but I could not fall asleep and each hour that passed was one hour closer to my alarm going off at 430am. By 4am I was crying and had myself so worked up. I was thinking I finally have gone crazy. I was going to try to make it through my day without any sleep but the thought of being with my thoughts for over 24hrs on a tired mind made me cry. Sleep is the only break I get from my thinking. So I called off work and felt extreme guilt because about a week ago I had to call off to stay with my child, then couldn't come in this past Thursday when they actually called me in because I was actually sick from the covid shot. I was crying because this isn't like me. I'm panicking I'll lose my job, lose my mind, my house, my relationships, sleep. I took some NyQuil and melatonin around 5am and am just now waking up at 2pm feeling panicky and not even sure how to handle the feeling and all these thoughts. Scared I've messed up my sleep forever. How do I go about handling this? I know I can't have a fear of not falling asleep now so how do I get a grip on this today when all I feel is fear and like crying?

I have been there! I was diagnosed several years ago with ocd, anxiety etc issues and just recently had another moment down the rabbit hole where im actually on short term disability now because of my issues. They become so dibilitating , so I’m completely understand! They put me in an anxiety and a sleeping med the first time down the rabbit hole and the sleep meds still work. I’ve been in them for 12 years. However I was just recently diagnosed again with ocd and illness anxiety and they are a nasty pair. I just started therapy a couple of weeks ago and will soon start erp therapy. The thing that really helped me and continues to help me now is Seroquel XR. So you may want to talk to your therapist about that. I have since started on an additional med called remeron, I don’t think it’s working yet. You will get through this! It sucks and it’s hard, and believe me I worry about my job too, but you need to get help in order to live life. I get it, I’m stuck to right now and I’m super stressed to start work again, but you need to let the people you work for and validate that you need help! It’s no different than a broken bone or any other disease prayers on the way for you!

I struggle with my sleep schedule too as my intrusive thoughts keep me up so late. I’m also having a really similar day to you, I can’t control my thoughts and I had to call in sick to work because my mental state is not good. I find on these days the best thing to do is be kind to yourself and do something relaxing like watching your favourite show, something to keep your mind off things! That’s what I plan to do, hoping it will help