- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Trust me, you’re gonna have worst days and better days. I’ve been where you’re at 100000 times but today I honestly couldn’t care less about my partner. But it’s not depression or numbness because I do feel that I love him fully so I know that i’m not cut off. Today he is working with all these good looking women but you know what? So what? you must challenge your ocd thoughts, say to them so what? Face that discomfort, it’s the only way to get through. It’s about having enough self efficacy to believe you can get through whatever comes your way. I would really like to help you as I have been in your shoes many times and I am also studying psychology atm at postgraduate level. I’m training to help those who suffer. Let me know if you need any help x
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for your support you are very kind! It's so stupid and awful to feel so low and worthless and not be able to trust my husband. I love him and I feel he loves me too but these dark thoughts come up again like I barely know this person. I know I have good qualities and can be loved but these words teriffy me "What if he does something behind my back?", "What if he wants someone else and I have not figured it out?" and other similar thoughts. It's like an endless tunnel that has no light in the end. I know now that my Rocd got triggered because i got betrayed by a close family person and after that its like everyone seems to me fake and liar. I don't want to live a life where I am suspicious and feel afraid to be open and real with people. I am so afraid to be hurt again so I obsess over everything in order to create a fake safety. I hate my hurt soul it won't let me live life as it is with its dangers, threats, happiness or sadness. Life is living the whole of it not just the good feelings i guess.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes exactly, you seem to be very self aware that this is indeed a self protection measure, you’re adopting these thoughts as a way to keep a safe distance. Think of it this way, if you didn’t have these thoughts or you did but you pushed them away and didn’t take them seriously, how would you feel? Maybe if you did that you’d feel far too vulnerable and that there would be more of a chance of him doing something behind your back. So in this way, perhaps by you having your thoughts there, they provide a safety blanket, they make you feel in control and without them, it feels far too risky. Here’s another thought which helps me, you’re already vulnerable. I know, huge shock, let’s say he hurt you in another way, by ignoring your texts, would this hurt you? Would this make you feel not good enough? this just goes to show you that no matter what, you’re vulnerable and protecting yourself isn’t going to prevent that from happening, we are all vulnerable to being hurt when we enter into a relationship. We all hurt each other because we’re in perfect human beings. All of these thoughts and feelings derive from you. (Unless he’s treating you like crap and flirting with other women directly or has cheated) you have a good husband. But your mind doesn’t want to see it that way. It wants to reject every part of him before he has even been given the chance to prove his love to you. I believe you must have some avoidant tendencies like me. You fault find and it becomes a downwards spiral that is hard to get out of if you aren’t aware you are doing so. I could honestly talk for hours on this subject. It goes so deep. There are so many factors at play i’ve had to write myself a personal mind map for it.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes I either overexpress feelings and say how much I love him or I avoid speak in a kind way, hug, have personal moments as in a way this creates to me a safe distance that if i don't get too close it would be easier to be apart if something happens. I want so much to give my whole self into this relationship but things hold me back. In the beginning of our relationship, almost 7 years ago, I wouldn't feel so insecure and scared even i have Ocd since I was a child. But then when we started bonding and coming really close the spiral started and the obsessions got triggered. I look at myself and sometimes feel like I am some kind of freak, a victim of my own thoughts person that i hate me really. I want to let others do whatever they want and if they want to hurt me or betray me that's their choice and self reflection and doesn't have to do with me. If we see ourselves as a train and other people as stations we must understand that to go on in life we must go through many different stations to reach our destination. This road is not safe or happy always but at least it is real. We must come to terms with the fact that this is it and no matter how much we try to keep us safe this is an illusion we feel good to maintain.
- Date posted
- 3y
It really is an illusion for sure but our mind makes it feel so real and that’s why it’s so difficult. You can understand though why the mind makes it so real, it’s trying to avoid psychological pain you’ve experienced before. Nobody can see this because it’s in the mind, you cannot physically see it. you have to tell yourself, are you ready? Are you ready to get hurt again? to fully feel? To fully love? To allow yourself to be happy? Or do you want to stay miserable, suffering, always expecting the worst? I think it’s much better to risk it all and to love and potentially get hurt than to suffer all the time and something might or might not happen. Either way, truly loving or truly holding back won’t stop someone from hurting you so either way you have a choice and currently you’re choosing the path that hurts you more. Why? because you believe that’s the path that hurts you less. You think closing in is safer.
- Date posted
- 3y
Exactly you described it very good... it's really difficult to reprogram the mind but if we don't do it the suffering will be endless...
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
- Date posted
- 18w
I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.
- Date posted
- 18w
i have what i think is rocd, at least many people here told me i do. im going through the worst period ever, my thoughts feel real, i feel like i dont have any feelings for my boyfriend, that i am in denial , that i am a liar, i cant remember how it feels like to love him, my memories with him are distorted. I feel like i never loved him and i was just coping , acting like i do because i could not accept the reality. I see many people saying that once they are with their partner they feel better but it dosent help, when i am with him i still have thoughts and horible feelings. i dont know what to do anymore. I have this problem for over a year and a half, and rn it feels the worst ever. Everything feels urgent and terrifyingly real. I keep thinking that maybe when the thoughts first started, I actually realized I didn’t love him — but I kept saying “no, it can’t be, I love him,” just to deny the truth. And now I feel like I’m only holding on to a false idea I created in my head. I don’t feel love, just pressure, panic, and confusion. I told ChatGPT that I feel numb next to him, I can’t imagine a future with him, nothing feels like it used to, and I’m scared I was only ever excited about the idea of love — not him. Please, I just want this pain to stop.
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