Really struggling at the moment with sexuality OCD, getting to the point where I’m constantly on the verge of tears, I’m avoiding watching movies, Netflix series, scrolling through Instagram and tiktok. I’m 18 and everyone around me seems to be bi, but I’m so scared I’m not attracted to guys anymore. I want children and I have always wanted to be with a guy, now I can barely look at anyone and I can’t even think about being in a relationship. My brain is like ‘your lying to yourself’ ‘what if your gay’ etc. I can’t do anything anymore, I just want to hide and curl up. Anyone else feel like this.. I’m scared I’m in denial or something, I have never been formally diagnosed but I’ve had so many other themes, I’m scared it’s not ocd and I’m using it as an excuse.. I just want to go back to normal

i am so glad i found this post. i deal with the same thing. any time anyone mentions being confused about their sexuality or if i find another female attractive i become so anxious. i am in a healthy loving relationship ans have been for almost two years, and i am so romantically and sexually attracted to my boyfriend, but there are times i’m so consumed by my intrusive thoughts i feel like i should just end my relationship. i know i’m not gay because the thoight of a same sex relationship doesn’t bring me happiness, it brings me anxiety. sometimes i just try to find reasons that my intrusive thoughts are true and it feels so real. it just makes me break down and cry.

Hi there, I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this right now. I’m currently struggling the same exact way that you are. Feeling like I’m lying to myself and in denial when I know who I am authentically. It’s especially hard right now because I have a boyfriend who I’m so in love with and I just want all of my intrusive thoughts to stop. I don’t have an answer for you because I’m also new to the idea of having sexual orientation OCD, but I experience almost all of the symptoms of it, but I just want you to know you’re not alone. Although it’s really hard, maybe it’s comforting to know we’re both experiencing it. I believe everything will be okay one day for both of us.

It really is the worst feeling in the world. Honestly I think ive dealt with this since I was a young teen, I’m 25 now but finally understanding what OCD is and looking for proper treatment. I completely get the fear of talking to people about it because they might think you’re in denial. I’ve dealt with that for a while, even so when I was younger. I would just cry to my mom and not know what to tell her because my mind would tell me I was gay even though that didn’t feel right. So then I didn’t know what to say because what would I say? That “I’m scared I’m gay even though I know I’m not?”…it was so hard. As I got older I naturally developed attraction and romantic feelings towards men, especially in college so those fears and thoughts kind of subsided. But for some reason they’re back with a vengeance and making me feel like my whole life is a lie. Sorry I’m writing a novel about this, I’ve just never spoken to someone who might be dealing with the same thing I have been dealing with. Anyway, are you okay?

You definitely are not alone! I'm 25 and married and dealing with this. This has been such a godsend, a place to connect with people with the same subtype and not have people barrage you with questions or assumptions. I avoided ERP for SO long but now that I'm in it, it's been amazing. I'm always here to chat! You've got this!

Hi there, I also struggle from the same themes and thoughts pattern. You can look into my profile for more info. Im a female and identify as straight & im engaged to my fiancé who I am so in love with. Despite the blurry lines of how ocd makes me feel, I know who I am authentically and I know that he’s the one I’m in love with. I know that I don’t ever want to be with a female but I also know how this subtype can try to lie to us. But knowing all of that doesn’t mean that I’m not scared that it’s not OCD and or “denial”. The feelings is especially hard to accept & can cause confusion. Like all of us suffering, we just want these intrusive thoughts to stop and go back to being normal. Keep on fighting and you know who you are authentically.

I’m so glad you’ve commented!! That’s why I’m so scared of getting into a relationship or even being near boys at the moment. I can’t imagine how your feeling.. I really hope your okay! It’s literally the worst feeling in the world 😭 It’s also so hard to talk about to anyone who isn’t going through it.. in case they say ‘sounds like your in denial’ How long have you been having the intrusive thoughts?