- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm someone that needs a lot of space within the relationship and I still love my boyfriend. I get easily overwhelmed by thing and prefer doing things alone. Obviously I love passing time with him, but he knows I need some time out sometimes. Those are called boundaries. You should talk about boundaries with your boyfriend. This is most likely a communication issue. There's not "Shoulds" or "shouldn't" in relationships, you find out what works best for you two.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you!! Your words are really precious. š I have to admit that I struggle a lot with thoose.. if you have some advices, to makes me accepting the "distances" that he takes, I would love it! For example, if you don't show your love with this, how do you show it? I know it sounds like a really stupid question; but I would really appreciate being able to feel loved even if I'm not a priority... maby I'm searching in the wrong "place"! We usually communicate really well; but when talking about feelings he puts up a wall; he try to avoid discussion so it is even harder for meš
- Date posted
- 3y
@Saraa I remind him in the little things that I am grateful for him all the time. By telling him verbally or with acts of service. I make his coffee, massage his hands, cook meals for him and all that. I live with him so inherently I'm always with him, but I like to isolate sometimes. When I know I need space I tell him directly. He knows this isn't about him, and I think he loves that I feel comfortable enough to be genuine and tell the truth about it, but sometimes I do feel bad because he, just like you, needs a lot more attention. It's really hard for me to give someone constant priority! But I am here for my boyfriend and the effort of being here is a lot of love as well.
- Date posted
- 3y
@trying my fkn best You are right. Thank you so much againš Your bf is lucky to have you!!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Have you and your bf done the test to find out which love lenguaje suits you two? Im more of a acts of services and gifts and my bf is quality time and acts of service Itās so hard for me embrace myself and the fact that I like to be alone being with someone who needs constant time with me, but he knows me well, he gives me space, time and a lot of love and patience. I just found out about this platform yesterday and itās been already helpful
- Date posted
- 3y
I did! And mine is quality time! The problem with him is that if we talk about feelings, or about us, he became really rigid and closed... like if he puts up a wall! And for me is impossible to understand what he thinks!š Thank you for your answer! From your prospective, can I do/tell something to making him understanding better what I want... or to me, some advices to not being hurt by his "avoidant" behaviours! It's really a roallercoaster sometimes!
- Date posted
- 3y
Im having to learn how to give him space especially with my ROCD. I really wanna see him but its a crutch and he wants his own space. Usually men r like that
- Date posted
- 3y
Mm I get it. But sometimes I get so mad, because we decided to do things togheter, and he does them alone by himself! Or maby he has to study, I give him a lot of space, but then in his free time/breaks he want to stay alone too! Yesterday he didn't find a minute for calling me, (even if I asked him, he text me back tho) and that make me feels so unspecial!! How do you deal when things like this happens? How can you sit with thoose feelings?
- Date posted
- 3y
You should be a priority however every single human being needs personal time.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w
My boyfriend is telling me every time im anxious, that if i didnt like him (i always think that i dont love him) i wouldnt suffer this much over my thoughts, and i could have just leave him. Its very true but i dont feel better at all and im thinking that i dont want to hurt hum or that im used to him and dont want to accept the reality and thats why i suffer because i am a good person???? im so sad and scared and anxious.
- Date posted
- 15w
I know itās long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months Iād say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause itās been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasnāt communicating how I should have been when I was upset because Iāve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but Itās weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didnāt feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that Iām not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and itās like thatās the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I donāt care like I used to because I think of how he doesnāt deserve this when he does this or he shouldnāt have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? Thatās horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I canāt do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And thatās not how it used to feeel which scares me because I donāt want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause itās the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. Iām scared. Is it possible Iām just Iāve been mad and resenting how itās been cause heās been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I donāt want to stay in something where I donāt feel toward him the way I want to but I really donāt want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesnāt deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question himš trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldnāt think like this or feel like this.
- Date posted
- 14w
Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing okay. Iām currently struggling in the worse way I have through the course of my relationship. We are doing long distance right now, and I am unfortunately in the worse place I have been in. The uncertainty is absolutely unbearable. He is doing a cool new, consuming job 7 hours a way. He loves it, but I fear him loving the job so much that he stops caring about me. I have definitely noticed a shift in the amount of time he texts me and the energy he can give to the relationship. The job actually started off with 2 weeks of no phone. He has it again now though. We saw each other a couple of days ago in person for the last time we would in about two months. I was okayish when we were in person though I knew I would spiral later. And spiral I did. He left and I broke down. I am worried I will lose him. I start a really intensive EMT program in a week. It will be all-consuming for me. I canāt sleep very much and I donāt feel like eating. I know itās pathetic. I am constantly consumed by these fears. I think I know what I need to do to combat them. Accept uncertainty but it feels like the possibly of it ending feels more real than ever. And I literally can NOT stop thinking about it. My brain feels in danger!!! I just worry that bad stuff is actually happening. I think we are going through a rough patch, but I also just feel more alone than ever. Drowning in my mind. What do I believe? I have a past of ocd, so it wouldnāt be surprised if itās getting intertwined. Most people would say: itās okay to ask him for reassurance about the relationship!!! But I feel like thatās the trap for me. I donāt know how to move forward. I know things are tough for us right now. But Iāve been floating back and forth on a spectrum of well maybe I just have trust to maybe this literally wonāt work out!!! Texting and communicating over text is really hard for me. I am constantly analyzing it: how much energy is he giving? How much energy am I giving? Well I donāt want to do all the emotional labor, and be the main texter. But I also donāt care about texting that much and get exhausted with this back and forth.
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