21 F, been dealing with pocd for a while now. My pocd mainly revolves around fear of being attracted to teenagers. I’m afraid some of my sexual fantasies suggest that i am a monster even though i would never do anything with anyone underage in real life. I have a lot of fantasies involving guys losing their virginity because male orgasms arouse me and losing your virginity seems like the biggest orgasm one has. Most guys lose their virginity around 16-18 and movies that i’ve used with sex scenes involving losing virginity to fuel some visuals for these fantasies have the characters around 16-18 typically in high school (even though the actors are of age). I have no real life interest in taking someone’s virginity, in fact these fantasies don’t even involve me i’m not even in them and i’m usually just focused on how the guy must feel. im queer and think i generally prefer women, male orgasm fantasies (about virginity or just any other male orgasm) and such are just the quickest way for me to orgasm, and i have to fantasize to orgasm. I’d like to think these fantasies about male orgasms are related to my gender issues, i was a huge tomboy growing up and now feel as i identify with being genderqueer. So i think this explains the fantasies as part of me would find it sexually exciting to lose my virginity but as a guy. when i lost my actual virginity it was very underwhelming and i don’t really enjoy the sensations of having sex with a man. My ocd has made me really worry i just have some sort of teenage boy fetish and that’s why i have these fantasies. Any advice on how to combat these thoughts and fears would be helpful.

snva

Date posted: 3y

Right so this is probably not going to be helpful and I’m trying not to give you reassurance but just know that the fact u have tried to rationalize this so much here means that it is ocd. What u have to do now is leave the thoughts in your head but don’t entertain them or try to rationalize them further. Just sit with the feeling maybe or maybe not which is REALLY horrible I know but trust me is the only way to get better. TLDR sit with the thoughts don’t entertain them and just let them pass by like clouds.

Anon1294

Date posted: 3y

I don’t know if this helps at all, because it’s a form of reassurance… but you said you’re 21 and 18 yr olds are actually in the same age range as you. 3 years is not a huge age difference so it’s not weird to be attracted to guys around your age. It’s the people who are older who target younger people and take advantage of them for control and harm. You’re just sexually exploring, I don’t think it’s wrong to have a small age gap

??!

Date posted: 3y

irl i definitely get that and usually stick within a year or two in age range for people i date. It’s just in these fantasies it’s like late high school aged i guess because that’s what society portrays as “a normal and preferred” time for guys to lose their virginity. Even though of course it’s different for everyone. But like i said irl i don’t even really have any urge or want to take anyones virginity, i don’t even really enjoy the actual act of sex with guys for the most part. And would never do anything with a minor.

Nica

Date posted: 3y

Right out of gate it isn’t pedophilia if you’re scared of being attracted to teenagers. Pedos are attracted to pre-pubescent children. That’s the one and only definition.

??!

Date posted: 3y

right, my pocd has kinda morphed into what i guess i would call ephebophelia ocd. makes it hard to even enjoy fiction as i’ve outaged most of my favorite fictional characters (especially in anime) and most underage characters in video games or cartoons can vaguely fit an age of ranges and are often portrayed as more mature than real teenagers.

snva

Date posted: 3y

@Brain1 This is the exact same as me wow. It’s so hard to read or watch anything without feeling guilty about experiencing a single emotion lol

??!

Date posted: 3y

@snva i totally feel that! and i can’t even like a character or have any positive emotion towards them without my ocd telling me it’s sexual attraction

??!

Date posted: 3y

this is helpful, i’ve been on this ocd rodeo to know long enough reassurance isn’t helpful in the long run. Thank you for responding! :)

snva

Date posted: 3y

No worries u can do this!!!!! Hang in there x

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