I told myself last night to absolutely contact the therapist when I wake up today, woke up late and still havent, i just cant understand how an ocd therapist will help when ive figured out the thoughts in my head and reached a conclusion as much as I didnt want to. I just cant deal with anxiety and depression

Hey, it’s okay, be gentle with yourself. It’s really hard to make those first steps to finding mental health treatment. I believe you 100% have ocd and even if you don’t, at the very least you have obsessive thoughts and are experiencing a really bad mental health crisis. You have all of the symptoms a person usually has when they reach out to an OCD professional. Let someone else help you figure out what’s going on and how to deal with it.