I’m on a very long trip without my bf and my thoughts have gotten extremely real. I feel like I am attracted to girls and that I am for sure a lesbian. I have found so many ”what if” thoughts roaming and it’s so hard to not go on a loop and come to the realization that I am a lesbian. I feel like I am attracted to boobs and I try to see if I am but it’s hard not to I just want to now. I also have always found amazement from confident women and I have always tried to mimic their behavior because I want to be like that but today I had the thought that maybe I try to mimic that behavior because I personally think it’s attractive and because I have been surrounded with heterosexual people I do it for men when in reality it’s because I like it. This thought has really scared me because it all connects and it freaks me out. I can’t even see a girl anymore because I’ll look at their boobs and then freak out. This trip has been so so hard for me, at the same time I have always liked boys but now I’m scared that these thoughts have opened something else for me. This gives me so much stress and frustration. I just want to know I like boys and never think about it again. I want to marry my bf without ever doubting anything

This sounds exactly like me. I am currently away from my girlfriend for two weeks and it’s making it all seem very real. I can relate to literally everything you’ve said in your post. And it’s as if I do still find women attractive but just not in the same way anymore it’s like it’s purely sexual with no romance or maybe a little but not a lot. When I Think about it too much it feels like what was real in the moment is now a lie

I remember few months ago my attraction was purely sexual aswell, I was compulsively checking out women but even that is gone, I fewl nothing anymore, like its blank and empty when I look at women. I feel everything for guys now

@Imaan7 Literally since reading this I feel like I’m about to go my next step through the whole where I lose my attraction to women all together

@BradOCD I thought loss of attraction was scary but this is something else and you probably wont lose any of it, its hard to feel romantic connection when your brain is under stress and anxiety. I read your posts and they are clear cut hocd I dont know about me, I think im just gay which is why its completely gone.

@Imaan7 But do you not see that that in itself doesn’t make much sense. Your attraction can’t just go, if you always found women attractive then that just won’t disappear. Maybe you’re now realising your bi instead? Part of me feels like that’s what is happening to me. Which in all honesty I wouldn’t mind as much

@BradOCD I think my attraction was just a result of hetero conditioning, growing up where there was no homo exposure or anything, following what other guys were doing, chasing girls and thinking this is what I have to do too, not being given an option basically. If Im bi then Im more bi than straight which essentially just makes me gay. I used to take comfort in thinking ok ill take being bi any day that way I can atleast have some attraction for women but that didnt work either. Whatever I did feel for girls has switched to men and it feels stronger, more real, natural and easily achievable.

@BradOCD This is me. Like I don’t even mind being bi if it means I still like men and I can still be with my bf

@Imaan7 You are not alone I promise. And i find comfort in knowing I’m not alone. I feel like the more thought we put into it the more real everything will get. I still feel like it’s out mint trying to trick us and since it causes so much anxiety our brain feels like we are in danger therefore focusing even more on those thoughts

I do really want to help you and others on here. But things like that are just extremely too triggering for me to read.