There just seems to be too much evidence for me to ignore. HOCD has forced me to trail back through my entire life and everything I’ve ever done, and it seems to all add up to that ‘I must be gay.’ I don’t want it, but it seems too true. I would love to stay with my girlfriend but how can I? Giving into the HOCD seems to be the easier way out, holding onto my gf and my straight life seems impossible.

Did you then become gay?

@BradOCD I think the fear of being gay I'd what made that thought strong. Once I wasn't scared of being gay anymore the thought left. I am attracted to women, but I don't see anything wrong with being gay.

@Todd James That’s the thing I am attracted to women but it just feels numb now idk

@BradOCD Sometimes especially today. It feels like it would just be easier to be gay

But it just feels so real, and when I’m ignoring it (because I’m busy or something) it feels like I’ve just become it?

@BradOCD Who truly cares?

@Nica Well me I guess 😂😂

@BradOCD Stop caring so much 🤷🏻‍♀️ you’re only making your life more difficult.

I have nothing wrong with being a lesbian either but when it feels like my relationship with my boyfriend and my current identity is at stake, it’s easier said to just not care than done :/

@milliemoo Been there, done that. It’s better to learn to let your thoughts roll off your shoulders than be miserable for the rest of your life. That’s up to you if you want to stay miserable.

@Nica Are you better now then do you feel like you did before ocd ?

@Nica I obviously don’t…I’ve struggled with this for over 7 years, if it was that easy I think I’d have got over it by now. So thanks, but no thanks.

@milliemoo @milliemoo 7 years wow that is a long time I have struggled for 2 an half years now

I do get these suggestions… thank you. What I struggle with is when I say these things to myself the relief they give feels like I’m just accepting the ‘truth’?

I just had this shining moment where I said “idc about the evidence or the ocd I want to stay with my gf” and it felt so good and then it just got stripped away slowly through rumination

@BradOCD Happens to be all the time I think we’ve just got to try our best to avoid rumination, feel the anxiety don’t try to fight it with compulsions and “figuring out”, just think maybe…maybe not I don’t know

@milliemoo But I get how impossible that feels sometimes

What stuff from your past makes you feel stuck? I feel like there’s stuff in my past that could mean I’m gay and earlier I had this really calm 5 minutes where I said “idc about my past I want to stay with my partner” and it felt really good and then it just disappeared because it feels like I can’t ignore the evidence even tho I don’t like it

I just wish I was like you and didn’t have things from my past but it feels like I do. Idk, although sometimes I feel like I’ve made some of it up, because it was stuff that at the time meant nothing to me, I didn’t even notice it has being a thing and now it feels like a thing. But I definitely found women attractive but now it just doesn’t feel the same anymore