I’m terrified right now. I’ll keep this as non-triggering as possible. This morning I woke up feeling great, and then all of a sudden had a thought of “oh if x happens then [my obsession/fear] is true”, and the thing happened! I was able to brush it off at first, but it came back and now I’m terrified that it’s true. It was just such a weird coincidence that it feels so real. I don’t know what to do. It’s taken hours out of my day ruminating and I want to cry again. It’s like a weird paranoid kind of feeling, and I don’t want to go back to being paranoid all the time. I can’t see my therapist for a while, and I don’t know what to do.

Tha my life very much, yes it is the absolute worst when OCD sneaks up, especially on days that are supposed to be happy (Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday, with the best memories growing up, so it’s extra painful when it tries to take that joy away from me). I always get into a place where I feel like my obsessions are the actual truth, and have a very hard time getting out of it, even though I know it’s often illogical. (e.g. if someone thinks, “oh if I can throw this ball 10 ft I must be Superman” and actually thinking you’re Superman because your thought said so, but replace Superman with something scary). That’s good advice- I usually try to just sit with it, but I think I was actively pushing away the fear today as I wanted to be happy, not terrified, but it happened anyway- so lesson learned. Thanks again!

Weirdly enough it’s really comforting to be able to put a name to it, and know that other people experience it too. I usually only experience magical thinking in terms of counting and lucky/unlucky numbers, so this was insanely terrifying today as I didn’t know what it was. Feels like my OCD realized I wasn’t giving it enough attention and tried to make it seem more real to make me notice it more. Unfortunately no one in my family knows I have OCD, but I do have friends who I can talk to. I’m feeling a bit better now, not 100%, but getting there. Thank you.