This disease is getting too smart. I just had this intrusive thought that actually I want to be gay but I can't because I only find women attractive. BUT I AM NOT GAY (I don't think anyway?). I don't want to be gay, but it feels like I do. And then even when I think I am getting somewhere it comes back and does something like this, causing a panic attack. What if I have just forced myself to not find men attractive and now can't be who I am meant to be deep down even tho I don't want to be that but. But I don't know if I don't want to be that anymore because I am so confused. Why won't this disease let me go. The only way I think I'll be free is if I just admin that I must be gay and live a gay life idk. I DON"T know. The thought of finding my gf attractive (sexually or romantically) scares me now instead of making me feel good. AGGGGHHHHH I can't!

It’s like I could have written this myself. When my HOCD first started I was in a relationship (long distance too) and looking at pictures of my boyfriend gave me extreme anxiety. This probably counts as reassurance but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone.

I’m having this compulsive urge to come out now? What does this mean, it’s like as soon as I know what I want and I have it it switches the other way round. It’s like I’m never satisfied

I’ve had that too. are you in therapy and have you tried any ERP? And it’s not you, your OCD is never satisfied, you’re right.

It feels so real! Like it feels like I’m annoyed that I don’t find the same sex attractive now? Surely this is just pure denial like if this was HOCD then I would be happy about it. I was happy about it and then something just exploded in my head

And I was in therapy but I got too scared because each session I just felt more and more gay (I know that sounds silly). I don't know what to do anymore.