Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y
boobabooba
- Date posted
- 3y
It is ocd! The pain you feel about your thoughts and their possibilities is ocd! I can’t tell you if you’re gay or not, but you absolutely have ocd obsessions around your sexuality. You are so torn up and twisted around right now in your head there’s no way you’re going to be able to figure out your sexuality. Sex and sexuality and romance are supposed to be fun things to think about! They’re not supposed to make you feel so confused and stressed and take over your every waking moment! When our moods are low our sex drives are one of the first things to be cut off to conserve energy to our most important functions. You need to be able to think about your sexuality from a place of curiosity, excitement, acceptance, and exploration. Even now, you’re trying to accept the “conclusion” you’ve come to, but OCD still isn’t letting it go for you. The problem isn’t that you’re gay oe straight or trans, your OCD just thinks these are very important topics, the issue is that you have an overwhelming need to Know yourself. You feel that if you realize you are gay/trans now, it will mean your life has been a lie, you haven’t known yourself, you’ve wasted your time, etc. these are all lies ocd is telling you. Your life is a journey. You have almost a hundred years to get to know yourself. You grow and change and evolve, and all of those earlier stages are worth something, they’re not a waste of time. It is very important to you, as a person, to have a grip on your identity so you can live a good life full of compassion and understanding. Those are really good things about you. The thing is, OCD has developed in your caring mind for a reason. Its usually from traumatic and/or experiences happening to you that are completely out of your control, and you had no other way to cope with the stress at the time than to think about it and act out comforting compulsions. A death in the family, moving, changing schools, etc. are all things that can have a huge impact on you as a child. If you didn’t have a receptive adult who could show you healthy ways of coping with this big, hard topics, and you have a caring, thoughtful brain, then OCD can develop as a way to take some control. Don’t let ocd trick you into thinking the whole reason you’re sick is because you’re secretly gay or trans. What you’re experiencing is nothing what the lgbt experience feels like. You’re sick because you have ocd. Your sexuality is irrelevant and thrre are so many more important things that make up You.
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y
I dont feel like they are possibilities rather something inevitable. Even with you reassuring me that this is nothing what lgbt folks experience is doing nothing to me, no reaction. Im just dead set on that I am gay and trans. I even have fears of coming out which adds more to my stress and anxiety. I never had close female friends let alone a romantic experience with a girl or had a gf or a strong romantic crush, i cant really remember how I felt about women but it strongly feels like it wasnt enough whatever I did feel pre off. All my crushes and sexual attractions were from afar way but I just think i had those because every guy around me did that too and because I was never exposed to homosexuality growing up i was conditioned to hetero culture into believing i like girls and want a gf. And now unless I change my gender, accept that Im gay and start acting towards those things, my depression/anxiety will never go away bc im suppressing myself and I can see these things happening. Even the thoughts that im a straight man and all this just a ocd illusion dosent relieve me. It genuienly feels like the first guy friend I make Ill impulsively give in and act on my thoughts.
boobabooba
- Date posted
- 3y
@Imaan7 I totally understand what you mean. You are not alone in what you’re feeling. It’s so unfair to so many men in this world that you aren’t allowed to talk about things like this openly and be heard and understood. You sound like a good person who thinks deeply and cares a lot. No matter what identity ends up fitting for you, that will still be true. It sounds like the stuff you listed is an OCD type checklist of stuff you have to go through to try to calm down the anxiety of this topic. It is totally normal to think “could this apply to my life experience?” the first time you hear about lgbt people. It’s the OCD that makes it a stressful, oppressive thought. Those thoughts “I’m a straight man, this is ocd” don’t relieve you because that’s still playing into what ocd wants, to be reassured in your identity. You have to learn to stop policing yourself and your thoughts. Your thoughts don’t mean anything. You said it yourself, you haven’t had the opportunity to do anything romantic really and you haven’t had close relationships yet with women and girls your age. You’ll learn what you like when you get more chances to interact and feel that natural attraction with people. In the mean time, you’re just thinking! You can’t think yourself into being trans or gay. No amount of ocd intrusive thoughts are going to make you something you’re not. You’re allowed to think about whatever you want. You can fantasize about whatever the hell you want to, and it doesn’t have to mean anything. You have control over your body, your choices, and you deserve to feel empowered in that. You don’t have to “come out of the closet” or figure out your gender to be able to heal mental health. That is a secondary thing. You don’t have to figure that out right now. You don’t have to figure it out ever if you don’t want to. You can start dating in your 50’s if that makes you comfortable. You are a human being who is SO much more than your potential partners and what gender they might be. Don’t let OCD lie to you. You’re not bad. There is nothing wrong with you and you don’t need to figure anything out. You’re a person with a good heart just trying to be the best you can be.
Related posts
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 23w
Am I even straight anymore?
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
💟
- Date posted
- 22w
therapy
it feels like therapy isn't working at all, like I've been super reluctant to participate or try and get better. I was doing really well at first but I've been in a slump with it lately, and the idea of doing exposures again makes me really scared. Like, I know if have to do them to get better but I'm so afraid that I'll pick something, watch it, and think the child character is attractive and start fantasizing about them. Like what if the only thing keeping me from doing that is because I've been avoiding them? Also is it normal for pocd to convince you that you prefer one gender more strongly than the other? Bc for some reason it feels more real with boys than it does girls (I'm mostly straight) and like.. idk I'm just not feeling good.
ocdsurviver
- Date posted
- 14w
How do y’all deal with this?
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
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