It’s real I can feel it. It feels like the reason I’m depressed is because I’m in the closet not because of what it used to be anymore. I must’ve been in denial this whole time. I wish I was straight but how can I be when it feels so much like realisation. I’m going to have to leave my partner now and be with a man because that’s what it feels like I want to do?

OCD causes us to doubt everything to it’s core, and causes such extreme (real-feeling) urges. Take a deep breath. You can make it through this.

Does it always have to feel like an urge tho, oh god actually thinking about it… it does feel like an urge?!? But then as I say that I’ve had urged to kiss or hug my girlfriend, but tbey made me feel good and were nice. So we’re tbey just compulsive urges? Is my relationship just a set of compulsions with me liking the relief they give… oh god that feels like that’s what my whole life has been

@BradOCD Hey friend! Double check with somebody with more education than me but this is just my opinion! I’ll share this with you for the sake of helping you out a little bit, I have pedophillic obsessions OCD which is very similar to what you’re going through where you worry about confusing your intrusive thoughts and understandably intense feelings with “urges”. I absolutely am not attracted to children, the idea absolutely repulses me and just because these thoughts creep into my brain doesn’t mean that I put them there!! If you think about men and feel a NICE feeling? somewhat pleasant? Maybe butterflies and sweaty palms? Sure, give it a second thought. But it sounds like these thoughts do not give you any pleasure only distress, which to me is the difference between an urge and an intrusive thought. For example to me obsessing over the nature of pedophilia obviously gives me ZERO enjoyment, I just feel sick and anxious until I’m done thinking about it. I really hope this helps let me know if you have any questions

@giaparmer When I try and think about what you suggested “men” in this case. I feel like what repulses me if the fact that it feels like I like or enjoy it? Which for me must be denial. When I first had the intrusive thoughts I felt absolutely disgusted and horrified by them. And when I have them now I try and get rid of them because I feel uncomfortable but it also feels like I might like them.

@BradOCD Totally understandable, it sounds like those thoughts cause you a lot of distress! remind yourself that just because thoughts pop into your head doesn’t mean they’re legit. This was a really hard one for me to grasp but you can compartmentalize your conscious thoughts from all of your thoughts in your head and understand that some thoughts just come from a different place than your conscious mind.