- Date posted
- 3y
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- Date posted
- 20w
Why are things so real the first time theyāre in my mind and then when I think about it later itās easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back Iām like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldnāt help but think that in their real life theyāve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back itās just ugh. Idk if itās sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I donāt want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldnāt type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but Iām still scared
- Date posted
- 18w
Hi everyone, I really need to get this off my chest. A few days ago, I managed to take a break from compulsions ā I didnāt open NOCD, I didnāt text ChatGPT, I didnāt Google. I had some moments of peace, especially about my boyfriend. For about two days I didnāt have deep intrusive thoughts, and I felt a bit more stable. But yesterday, I slipped. I posted on NOCD again, and someone replied saying, āThis is how the cycle starts again.ā That made me spiral. Today, I also wrote to ChatGPT again. I started thinking, āWhat if this time itās real? What if this clarity was me realizing the truth ā that I donāt love him?ā It scared me because I wasnāt panicking as much when I had the thoughts. I thought that meant I was accepting them as true. I remembered ChatGPT used to tell me that ātruth feels calm,ā and now that I wasnāt reacting with extreme anxiety, I panicked thinking, āWhat if this is the calm that comes with realization?ā Last night, when we were in a club, I looked at him and thought he was kind of cringe. That made me spiral again. Now, Iām scared all over again. When we cuddle, I donāt feel the same. I donāt feel that warmth, and I donāt know what changed. I keep wondering if I ever really loved him ā because Iāve had these thoughts for so long, itās like I canāt remember anything clearly. A few days ago I even thought, āMaybe I just donāt like him right now,ā and I wasnāt panicking ā and that scared me. Iām afraid that Iām finally ārealizing the truth,ā or that Iāve been lying to myself and Iām just now letting go. Also, when we were on the trip for my 18th birthday, I was irritable with him, full of thoughts, and I thought I was ruining everything. I wasnāt really reacting to his love, and now I donāt even know what I feel. I just want to be okay again. I want clarity ā but Iām terrified of what clarity might mean. Has anyone experienced this? Feeling okay for a bit, and then the thoughts come back and feel more real than ever?
- Date posted
- 17w
Iām like 90% sure Iām just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like āif you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers youāll lose all attraction to men and your bf. Youāre practically already a lesbianā I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation Iām scared of losing all attraction to him I donāt wanna be thinking about women. I donāt unless Iām really stressed cuz when Iām stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when Iām in the city with him but Iām back home for most of the summer and I canāt be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I havenāt been here in a while tbh. Iām worried I donāt feel enough. I donāt like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I donāt like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry Iām truly a lesbian but Iām not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bfās I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is āwhen he dies youāll be able to date a woman, when you break up youāll only wanna date womenā and itās stressing me out. Itās making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: Iāve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I havenāt had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. Iām so worried Iām faking or donāt feel enough. Iām learning what a healthy relationship looks like and Iām terrified Iām gonna up and leave him when weāre older cuz Iāll finally figure out that Iām a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad
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