In September this year I had to sit alone in my room for 2 weeks since I had covid. I’ve never been alone for that long before so it wasn’t very pleasant. I had a lot of time with myself and my thoughts and i was ultimately calm and just missing my taste and family😅but then I got some sort of memory or imagine of my mol** ting my sister when she was a baby and I was around 7/8(in the memory). I had never thought of this in my life but instantly I jumped to the conclusion it was a real memory and I was a perv/ra*ist.I straight away had a panic attack was sick to my stomach and couldn’t sleep. I just wanted to die because I felt I didn’t deserve life.I struggled for weeks trying to figure out this memory and why I’d ever do that when I was a child myself. And the worse part is after I got out of isolation I had to go back to sharing a room with my sister which is how my pocd/intrusive thoughts started. Every time I walked past her to get into bed I had thoughts going “what if you recreate that image” and terrible images just poping up. I just cried myself to sleep endlessly wishing I was dead. I decided to search up why I was getting crazy thoughts as a compulsion for reassurance. Then I found out it was ocd and ever since things have gotten better. I have learned to live with myself and that it wasn’t a real memory even tho sometimes I feel like it was and I have gotten better at ignoring my intrusive thoughts.Some days are bad some days are better but ultimately it’s made me a better person. I feel like now I should always try my best to help others and be the best I can be. To anyone who made it this far just know that you will make it through it. You will have hard days but you are not your thoughts and ocd doesn’t have to ruin your life.It might always be with you but you can over come it and be your best self💖happy Wednesday💖