I am so scared rn that I have purposely thought a thought.

Even if you did, it's just a thought. Thoughts mean nothing. You can't control them, especially when you have an obsession (OCD), it's more likely that the thoughts will be related to the theme. Don't be so hard on yourself!

I can’t Thank you enough! This just lifted me

I do the same thing all the time. Sometimes I feel like I’m purposely punishing myself by a thought. Please just remember it’s the OCD.