So now it seems like I get annoyed when I’m attracted to the opposite sex? Literally never satisfied! I hate this disease… making things that weren’t even ‘things’ seem like truth, taking away things that I knew were true and turning them into lies. Everyday I will get 5-10 mins of feeling happy and that the thoughts are just thoughts and that my past doesn’t matter and doesn’t have to effect the decisions I make now. But then it disappears, if I let my guard down for two seconds because I’m distracted it just comes back and feels more real and I spend the rest of the day depressed about it. And that last sentence just sounds like actually the ocd was right all along. Because I have to compulsive to feel good again?!? I don’t understand it. When I feel straight I feel happy (but my brain tells me it’s a lie), when I feel gay I feel depressed and annoyed with my life. What one is it? Surely it’s happiness but the happiness now feels like a lie!

But it’s all I’ve got left. It feels like it’s this or I accept that I’m gay! I don’t want to accept it

@BradOCD It’s not accepting your fear. It’s accepting the uncertainty and living your life based on what you value.

@OCD33 I get that… thank you

@BradOCD I know it’s absolutely terrifying - but rumination is making you sick. Do you think about this 24/7?

@OCD33 I don’t stop, when I do it feels like it’s true and then I have to compulse myself out of it! Which in it self sounds like denial. It feels like I have to compulse and ruminate myself straight? And when I do it feels great but then it disappears

@BradOCD No it sounds like OCD. The cycle - rumination which is a compulsion / anxiety / make myself feel better (reassurance) / feel better for 2 minutes and then it starts ALL OVER

@OCD33 But that feeling better, is that just a lie? It feels good in the moment and then afterwards my brain tells me it’s a lie!

@BradOCD It’s not a lie but we learned that reassurance makes us feel good temporarily and then the cycle starts back over. That’s why we try so hard to get reassurance because it makes us feel good and gives us glimmers of hope. But we know ocd is never satisfied. It’ll find another “proof”

@OCD33 Okay yes that makes sense. But when I do ERP or if I’m feeling depressed or something it feels like I want to thoughts and ideas of my theme to be true and I get really worked up about it.

@BradOCD Maybe you do, maybe you don’t like the thoughts. There’s actually a video on “what if I actually like these thoughts”. Another power move for ocd

@OCD33 Could you send me a link to that video please?

@BradOCD https://youtu.be/R4NJGtvCAUY

@OCD33 What proves this is ocd is when I read “what if I like” my brain automatically said “do you?” And then decided yes I do and now I’m panicking. If I like them are they true 😬

@BradOCD Anything sexual in nature can cause arousal. I look at it as who do I see myself with and a future with.

@OCD33 So I watched that video. And now I’m worried that actually I just liked all my arousal I had from the opposite sex all these years and wasn’t actually straight I was just aroused?!?

@BradOCD Sit with that. Don’t analyze that: maybe, maybe not. Ocd loves to scare.