Please help me So I am married to my amazing husband and I don’t want anybody else ever. I work with a bunch of guys and I really became attached to one of the guys whom I saw more like a “big brother”. I told my husband about this person who always helps me when I have questions. Recently, a comment was brought up about him and I flirting back and forth. I’ll be honest, I thought he was cute, but would never choose him over my husband. I didn’t think we were flirting though because he was helping me at work with questions I had and he was actually nice to me. Of course my intrusive thoughts came in and sexual images/thoughts took place causing me anxiety. But still would never want him in that way. I told my mom about it and she said “well do you have feelings for him? And think about him all the time?” And my anxiety has spiraled and spiraled about the “what If I do?” and now I’m sitting in a dark hole thinking I’ve cheated on my husband and that I don’t love him anymore and I just need someone to talk to please. Now it feels like it’s all true. I don’t know what to do. I never once thought of getting physical with this person and constantly talked about my husband to him. I want nobody else but my husband.

I also keep wondering if people saw us talking and took the situation out of context and worried what they think. Do people think I’m a cheater?

I am so sorry that happened to you… mine happened about 2-3 weeks ago. I’m constantly asking my partner for reassurance that he won’t leave me and he says “never”. I also mentioned I found the person cute as well and he said “well I have had a wall up since we have become committed to eachother” and I about cried myself asleep every night because I feel unloyal, unfaithful, and just not worthy of being with him. I wanted to be this perfect wife for him and I haven’t been. I feel terrible. The coworker I was hanging around I felt very comfortable with. I did have intrusive thoughts about him at home and just shook them off because I get them all the time with other people. Now I’m believing myself that I like this person more than my husband and it is driving me crazy. I would never choose this person over my husband. I truthfully believe I don’t like the person but what if I do have feelings for my coworker? He’s engaged as well and got really touchy with me. I never got butterflies or anything from the situations but I told my husband that he was getting touchy with me and just said he might be a touchy person and to watch if it gets worse. I feel like it is all my fault now and the WHAT IFs are absolutely destroying me. It’s really nice to talk to someone who has had similar situations. That’s why I love this app. Thank you for sharing with me

@LivingInMyHead Hi there I know this is an old comment but I am experiencing a very similar situation and can’t move past it. Has it gotten better for you?

@Anonymous Hi, I’m so sorry hear that you are experiencing something similar. I know how trapped and awful that feeling is… and yes my response to these intrusive thoughts has gotten way better since this post. I worked a lot with my NOCD therapist on this. What helped me is leaning into that discomfort and uncertainty for example… (things that my therapist shared with me below) “Okay, yep, maybe that happened (insert whatever your obsession is), guess I’ll never know” No need to figure out what they mean or what the thoughts mean about you as a person. Just let them be there while engaging in valued activities. Here’s also a good article about rumination. https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/how-to-stop-ruminating/ Also, listening to Jenna Overbaugh’s postcast “All the Hard Things” has really helped me! She used to be a NOCD therapist. I hope some of these resources help!!

@LivingInMyHead Thank you so so much my first meeting is tomorrow with my therapist and I just feel like I can’t forgive myself or move on and I constantly look back on photos before the situation happened and beat myself up because I was so happy and care free now I feel like I’ll never feel fully free from these thoughts that I had done something so horrible to my husband. He wants me to forget about it already but I can’t. So I will take your advice and apply it as well thank you so much!

@Anonymous You are welcome! Hang in there.

@Anonymous Yes!!! So much better. I am actually on medication now and haven’t even thought twice about my thoughts. I love my husband more than anything in this world.

@LivingInMyHead Thanks so much! These definitely helped but I still can’t shake the rumination of did I cheat or didn’t and tell myself I didn’t but it feels like I did! I feel like I’m over the situation and it doesn’t bother me but I still have constant thoughts about it every single day and hour I go to sleep dreaming about it too. It’s awful :(

@Anonymous I feel you, that happens to me as well… I can go days without the thoughts bothering me and it’s super easy to “shake” it off but then out of nowhere there’s a trigger and it’s back to rumination…

I just downloaded the app today!! It seems like a great community to share experiences and to know you are not alone.