Am I deluded if I think my attraction to women my whole life until hocd began was false and fake? How can I be deluded if I myself believe it was not real attraction? It feels like Im going against my true self (gay/trans) when i think that maybe it was real feelings for girls before ocd. I cant focus or understand my thoughts and it constantly gives me spikes of anxiety. Ive lived in my head and thought so deeply and in detail, ive forgotten completely how the real world works or how normal humans think, my whole perception that I had before ocd set in has been broken. Im planning on telling this to my therapist next week which seems so far away tbh but im going to write it all down. I feel badly confused and Im worried if Im not able to explain every tiny detail of my thoughts/feelings/proof to the therapist I will never solve this crisis but I also cant just ignore the questions in my head bc they need to countered or fixed and cant be left unanswered. What do I do? Also can I ask the therapist to see him more than once a week? Pls any advice?

i’m sorry you feel this way! please do try journaling. it will help you sort all your thoughts out, and you can also use it when speaking with your therapist. it sounds so simple and unhelpful, i know, but it does make a difference. it’s easy to get our thoughts lost in an already busy mind and so this is a way to help up feel a little less out of control with our thoughts. maybe begin with how you feel and then create a list of all the questions in your head. doing this will also clear up your mind a bit. in regards to your worries, ocd is great at making us doubt how we feel. it sort of manipulates us in that sense lol but there are many people who would make themselves believe they liked the opposite gender before they came out. the difference here is that your ocd is added to the mix and is making things more difficult and confusing. it’s designed to make you overthink and question yourself. this is not a reflection of you! we just have a chemical imbalance in our brain that is causing us to have difficulty filtering out specific thoughts, therefore leaving them stuck in a loop in our heads. keep going with therapy! i wish you luck