Relationship ocd - please help... I feel like I don't have anyone to talk about and.. I'm so sorry.... (first of all I'm a gay woman in a loving relationship with another beautiful woman) Last night I couldn't fall asleep..... A few months ago (2 maybe) me and a close friend were playing terraria and we had this enjoyable bond moment... Where we were laughing (the same has happened with other games) and I had the thought of "hey. Is this a crush?" (it was something along those lines) it'd be fine if it thought that and I dismissed it but there's more.... I began thinking "I feel happy, he makes me laugh and maybe we are better suited together" but... I can't remember the aftermath. Did I panic with this thought?? I can't remember what thoughts I had after.... I never remember if I said "no. Not possible" or if I accepted them.... And I'm panicking really bad rn and feeling like crap and very guilty... I think.... (I'm not sure) I told myself "well it's not possible... I wouldn't be able to date him. I can't imagine dating him and do romantic stuff, specially sexual". But I'm not sure.... Maybe I brushed it off!! This is the logic explanation because it's obvious that I have relationship ocd!! But.... It's the doubts..... Again... I'm just afraid I didn't panic or dismiss the thoughts... I can't remember what happened next. It's always like this! I fixate and hold the ugly thoughts but I "conveniently" forget the rest of the thought process. This has happened with pocd too. It's the "I can't remember how I dealt with them" that is what is worrying me... I can't remember if I dismissed them or if I agree with them These thoughts, I feel so guilty.... I am crying so much because I don't want to hurt her.......... I love her so much.... I truly do.... I feel guilty because I think "how could I have such thoughts in the first place? She's perfect!" and I begin to think that she deserves better I fear that this is cheating...