I’m so mad because I got my post count down pretty low and now I’m spiking again I said might be I’m not I don’t think I might be at all I said just because I don’t I do find my guy attractive but I am worried because of the really bad thought I had last night I’m looking at him now like I don’t want I’ve always found him attractive whether he had like facial hair or not and I’m acting like he’s not and I don’t I said I don’t want to I don’t want to find him attractive I do find him attractive I don’t want to not all of a sudden find him attractive. Because I was really feeling it for him over one old picture that’s like technically more recent but still kind of old as opposed to something from years ago and I’m scared that I am and I make a face like he is he is not ugly I don’t he’s fucking gorgeous I don’t wanna ever not find him attractive I don’t wanna lose a friend and I don’t I’m scared I’m treating him like he’s weird because he’s but I’m not gay he’s not weird because he’s a guy he is gorgeous I don’t wanna look at his face and act like not when he is attractive to me. I don’t wanna lose it for him I’m scared I have and I’m acting weird and happy like I’m smiling I smile awkwardly and then I take step back in my mind like mentally like I don’t but I do find them attractive I’m scared I don’t want to change your switch teams I don’t want another guy despite Not being with him I don’t want to I don’t want this. I’m literally making a face and stepping back like he’s not but he’s fucking gorgeous and an awesome weird dorky guy and I’m scared I don’t really and I know I don’t have to but I do love the guy I do love what I know about his personality I was gonna say I wish I could be with him but that doesn’t look to be in the cards it’s not that it’s not in the car it’s just hard to tell So it’s not necessarily impossible for to be in the cards so to speak just really hard to be at the same time if that makes sense but I don’t like looking at him like he’s not he’s fucking gorgeous I don’t wanna female knock

And now I feel worse when I said I don’t because of what happened last night but I don’t like the same exit want male body parts but what happened last night really scares me

I saw a picture of my guy when he was young and you know how some guys when they are young they’re really pretty and then they grow up to be really handsome almost adroagenous back when they’re young but anyway I said I am and I acted happy about it because he looked like he but he didn’t look like a girl I’m not a lesbian and I wouldn’t be happy about that why would I make a comment like that I’m definitely not lesbian despite everything and I almost smiled and said don’t like I mean otherwise I don’t like the way boob stick out I’m not a lesbian and he didn’t really look girly it’s just that’s what happens when guys are pretty especially when they’re young but he’s not girly I think that’s like wrong to say to a guy I wouldn’t say that to him but you know what I mean I’m not a lesbian why would I make that joke and act happy like I acted eager like I do I don’t wanna be a lesbian that’s non me

And now I acted like this guy I saw a video of farmer is better looking than my guy and he’s not I guess I appreciated the beard but now I’m acting like I don’t want I like guys and I don’t want any due to be more attractive than my guy in this guy definitely isn’t like I’m not bashing the poor guy he wasn’t horrible or and if you like that. But I don’t want anyone to be more attractive and I’m scared of the way smiled thinking having a slight feeling like he is even though he’s really not my type like I’m not physically attracted to the dude I guess I really did just appreciate the beard but I don’t want to be I’m scared I’m smiling like I am and I keep kind of swinging back-and-forth imagining touching two sides of the wall going that I do but I don’t swing both ways and I said my guy is not with a face like I smell something bad but my guy is way more attractive guys just the definition of straight up attraction to me like he’s fucking gorgeous and I don’t want to lose it for him and I don’t wanna start noticing other guys and I hate this