I identify as a straight woman but with my SOOCD I struggle with urges to “come out” (especially to my boyfriend) thinking it’ll just make me feel better. But I don’t want to, you know? Is there anyone that has ERP practices I can do for this?

Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?