It feels like HOCD would make me happy!!! It’s keeps cropping up more things and making them deeper and deeper. Stuff that I can’t even put into words without sounding crazy. It’s like I just get no relief?! The only way out of this feels like just admitting defeat and just being my thoughts?!?

I get that!! Sometimes it just feels like if I agree with my thoughts then I’ll feel relief. When I started my OCD journey I always heard “OCD is never satisfied” and now that I’m deep in the HOCD cycle I’ve noticed that I am NEVER satisfied. Constant reassurance, checking, urges, etc. I find myself wanting ANYTHING that’ll make me feel reassured regardless of what it is. But I’m starting to try and tell myself “maybe the only way out of this is to be my thoughts, maybe it isn’t. I don’t know, and I’m going to take that risk”