My initial thoughts are not as scary bc I’ve been doing erp. For example, when an initial thought comes across I don’t go into panic mode, instead when the thought comes across I tell myself “maybe yes maybe no” and I feel better. But the thing that is getting to me is that the next thought is usually “did you just suppress a gay thought” and that makes me go into panic mode. And I feel bad because I’m like damn if I am suppressing these thoughts that would be sad like why cant i just decide on one so that I could be happy. You know? And I didn’t have these thoughts before. It’s so annoying because I constantly feel like what if I’m in denial. And it makes me question whether I’m happy with or attracted to my boyfriend. I want to be happy so I’m like do I leave him and maybe date women, but then Im like oh no i don’t want to do that I want to be with him and be happy with him. Anyone going through something similar?

Yes do you get groinals ?

Yep. This is super common and can send you spiraling. I’m married with two kids and these thoughts are the worst. Continue to lean into the struggle and sit with the uncomfortable thoughts. They suck, but it’s better than constantly freaking out. I’ve totally been there.

Yes! I’ve done tons of erp and went through NOCD’s program twice. It has really helped, I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately too where it feels like suppressing or a big realization when there isn’t much anxiety or panic right away or just feeling neutral. I’ve been almost feeling a bit more “numb” from being in this funk and it affects my relationship with my boyfriend and even how I feel towards him because as a whole I feel like I feel nothing which kicks off a bit of my rocd! I have a session with my therapist this upcoming Wednesday so it’s definitely something I’ll discuss with her but I feel what you’re going through!

Extremely similar experience with my gender identity OCD. I don't want to be a woman, but then I think about how I don't fit into some of the social stereotypes of how a man "ought" to behave and start compulsing and gathering "evidence." Then when I try to say "well I never felt like I wanted to be a woman when I was younger" my OCD spits back that I was often awkward and introspective and shy as a kid, which is "proof" that I was a trans girl uncomfortable presenting as a boy. It's really hard! ERP helps but I will admit I've been slacking off a bit over the holidays.