My initial thoughts are not as scary bc I’ve been doing erp. For example, when an initial thought comes across I don’t go into panic mode, instead when the thought comes across I tell myself “maybe yes maybe no” and I feel better. But the thing that is getting to me is that the next thought is usually “did you just suppress a gay thought” and that makes me go into panic mode. And I feel bad because I’m like damn if I am suppressing these thoughts that would be sad like why cant i just decide on one so that I could be happy. You know? And I didn’t have these thoughts before. It’s so annoying because I constantly feel like what if I’m in denial. And it makes me question whether I’m happy with or attracted to my boyfriend. I want to be happy so I’m like do I leave him and maybe date women, but then Im like oh no i don’t want to do that I want to be with him and be happy with him. Anyone going through something similar?

i had recently been triggered to have so-ocd. its been on my mind non-stop. (i am a heterosexual female) and my mind has been all over the place questioning if i have been in denial the entire time. ive always had people tell me they sort of got that vibe it it never really affected me until my own mother had her suspicions. so i would constantly get triggered un public around the same gender, while knowing my true sexuality. ive always been attracted to men but as of recently ive been having super bad anxiety to where i cannot eat or sleep and feel weak all the time. it was like that for a week or so. now im in the calm where i have been trying accept the uncertainty but it still isnt fair as im getting triggered. im a little worried because it feels like i have been lying to my parents the entire time although ive never had the desire to be with the same gender. and i keep getting intrusive thoguhts that make me feel anxious and uncomfortable. its all starting to affect my friendships as im constantly getting triggered with the intrusive thoguhts. i feel a little less anxious compared to how i was a couple days ago. im really scared on why im having these thoughts now when i have been having romantic feelings for a guy the past year or so. ive also been struggling with false attraction and loss attraction to men. it makes me feel uncertain of my life the entire time

Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.

Okay so today after I woke up I had an absolutely unexpected thought about a girl, but I DIDN’T MIND IT. So all I felt that it was unexpected but I didn’t feel shame or guilt or something. I started pacing back and forth my room and it was like my brain accepted that I’m bisexual and I started getting anxious about what my family and friends will think about it then I had the thought “If I’m afraid of coming out, that means I’m actually bisexual” and I started asking ChatGPT about what is happening to me and it wrote the usual answer “That’s typical with OCD, it doesn’t mean anything” but it didn’t calm me down a bit and it was just so confusing because for about twenty minutes it was like having this certainity about being bisexual but it didn’t help I was stressing just like before. I know this means I’m not comfortable with the thought and it’s not ego-syntonic, but I wasn’t necessarily anxious about the thought just anxious in general. Then I started fantasizing about men, and it gave me anxiety too but it felt more right. I tried out how it would make me feel if I fantasized about women but all those fantasies lasted barely 3-4 seconds after that my brain just shifted to other thoughts. I can’t listen to one of my favourite songs because it’s sung by an attractive woman and I’m getting these thoughts about me liking her. I don’t understand what’s going on with me, because whenever I read a story here by someone who's struggling with SO-OCD they always write “I don’t want to be gay, I want to go back when everything was normal” but for me every time I get a similar thought it’s immediatly overshadowed by “Of course you’re bisexual, look at all these evidences, you want to be bisexual, you’re just in denial, look at these people, they are real OCD-sufferers, you don’t, you’re welcoming the thoughts, you want them, you’re not comfortable with your heterosexual identity, you always wanted women” etc. etc. It’s so confusing because all along my journey with OCD I had the certainity in myself that I like men but now I feel like I lost this and it feels like a real sexuality crisis now.