- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Yep. This is super common and can send you spiraling. I’m married with two kids and these thoughts are the worst. Continue to lean into the struggle and sit with the uncomfortable thoughts. They suck, but it’s better than constantly freaking out. I’ve totally been there.
Yes! I’ve done tons of erp and went through NOCD’s program twice. It has really helped, I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately too where it feels like suppressing or a big realization when there isn’t much anxiety or panic right away or just feeling neutral. I’ve been almost feeling a bit more “numb” from being in this funk and it affects my relationship with my boyfriend and even how I feel towards him because as a whole I feel like I feel nothing which kicks off a bit of my rocd! I have a session with my therapist this upcoming Wednesday so it’s definitely something I’ll discuss with her but I feel what you’re going through!
Extremely similar experience with my gender identity OCD. I don't want to be a woman, but then I think about how I don't fit into some of the social stereotypes of how a man "ought" to behave and start compulsing and gathering "evidence." Then when I try to say "well I never felt like I wanted to be a woman when I was younger" my OCD spits back that I was often awkward and introspective and shy as a kid, which is "proof" that I was a trans girl uncomfortable presenting as a boy. It's really hard! ERP helps but I will admit I've been slacking off a bit over the holidays.
Same here. I’ve fallen into the rabbit hole of believing all the thoughts. Which sends me down a game of whack a mole where I try to disprove every single thought. It’s exhausting. I get anxious around my boyfriend because I start thinking about my anxieties even more.
Yes do you get groinals ?
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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