- Username
- OCDwho?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Yep. This is super common and can send you spiraling. I’m married with two kids and these thoughts are the worst. Continue to lean into the struggle and sit with the uncomfortable thoughts. They suck, but it’s better than constantly freaking out. I’ve totally been there.
Yes! I’ve done tons of erp and went through NOCD’s program twice. It has really helped, I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately too where it feels like suppressing or a big realization when there isn’t much anxiety or panic right away or just feeling neutral. I’ve been almost feeling a bit more “numb” from being in this funk and it affects my relationship with my boyfriend and even how I feel towards him because as a whole I feel like I feel nothing which kicks off a bit of my rocd! I have a session with my therapist this upcoming Wednesday so it’s definitely something I’ll discuss with her but I feel what you’re going through!
Extremely similar experience with my gender identity OCD. I don't want to be a woman, but then I think about how I don't fit into some of the social stereotypes of how a man "ought" to behave and start compulsing and gathering "evidence." Then when I try to say "well I never felt like I wanted to be a woman when I was younger" my OCD spits back that I was often awkward and introspective and shy as a kid, which is "proof" that I was a trans girl uncomfortable presenting as a boy. It's really hard! ERP helps but I will admit I've been slacking off a bit over the holidays.
Same here. I’ve fallen into the rabbit hole of believing all the thoughts. Which sends me down a game of whack a mole where I try to disprove every single thought. It’s exhausting. I get anxious around my boyfriend because I start thinking about my anxieties even more.
Yes do you get groinals ?
I’m new to this app and just wanted to share my story. As a young girl I definitely had compulsions. My mom always told me she would take me to a psychiatrist (I would cry when people sat on my bed). Anyways, as I got older I definitely grew out of a lot of things. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD but I have GAD. I know I definitely have OCD because I have done a lot of research. Recently I have really, really been struggling with HOCD. I’ve never experienced this before, and that’s why it’s making it more scary. I’m a young adult woman and have been in a very serious relationship with a male for many years. I love him so much. I am also very athletic and not very girly. I always loved the fact that I was a guys gal, but lately it has made me super insecure. A lot of people at school assume I’m bisexual because I’m super pro LGBTQ rights and idk? Idk why I give off that “vibe”. It never bothered me, I always thought it was funny, and I have no issue with being gay, but I’m definitely not?! During this quarantine my guy friends have said I have way way more guy friends than girl friends, someone asked my teammate if I was bisexual, and I have never had an orgasm from my boyfriend. It started really getting in my head and I keep being like “am I gay and that’s why I don’t orgasm”. This seems so pathetic and writing this actually helps and makes me realize there is no way I like women. But anyways THE THOUGHTS DO NOT STOP. I keep worrying that I do not know myself, and maybe I don’t love my bf, and maybe other people see something I don’t. Anyways, how can I help myself? I am noticing I’m reassuring and checking and starting compulsions
Having constant intrusive thoughts is exhausting. They have made me question my relationship, my sexual orientation, if i am a good person, and so much more. It’s weird how they are all connected in a way too. A lot of these thoughts that I have feel so real, and i’m just now learning how to tell the difference between what is true and what is an intrusive thought. but at this point i cannot tell. they all feel real but still make me so uncomfortable. i’m scared i actually feel a certain way, whether that be i don’t actually love my boyfriend, i am actually bisexual or a lesbian, or that i am actually a horrible person and have done horrible things. it’s hard to not believe these things when they are constantly nagging at you. im scared im not with the right person. im scared that im not attracted to him enough, im scared we don’t have enough in common and im scared we don’t think the same way. im scared im supposed to be with someone else and that i am hurting him by lying. and im terrified i am lying about my sexual orientation and using him to deny my true thoughts. im scared i am actually bisexual or lesbian. i think i can accept being bisexual more than being a full blown lesbian, but it’s still scary. im not sure if i am actually bisexual or if i just have intrusive thoughts. and i don’t know what to do from there if i am. if i am bisexual that means to me i have to be with a woman? even though i don’t want to and i’ve never seen myself with a woman. i keep replaying memories with girls and if i showed any signs. and then i get scared that because i was aroused by “specific” porn that it means i am lesbian. all of these things make me feel like a horrible person for treating my boyfriend this way, lying to myself, and for being so confused. it’s exhausting. i don’t even know where to start to get help. im scared that i have had OCD my whole life, and if i have, i’m scared a lot of my feelings and thoughts weren’t even real. im scared when i liked a boy, it was actually my OCD. im scared that when i’ve been attracted to something, it was just my OCD. i don’t know what to do
Does anyone feel like they “like” their intrusive thoughts? Like after a while the fear and the disgust you used to feel about the thoughts becomes numb and you wonder if you just like it? And that the thoughts are happening bc you just like and want that thing? I’m beyond confused. I (23F) still feel like on some level I know I want to be with men and end up with a man. But I’m growing unsure there’s a man that has what I need in a partner and am not happy in my current relationship which certainly isn’t helping my case lol. I’ve been dealing with this for almost 7 months and I’m so tired of the incessant thoughts and physical responses I feel like I should just give up and give in.
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