Hi! I need an opinion! There is this thing that is flaring up my rocd, since always, and I would like to understand the situation better. A little background: me and my bf had some poor moments (a lot of disagreement, delusions etc) pasts months. Now we talked; we decided to try some compromises. One in particular keeps triggering me. I don't understand why for him is okay to see me only a few times (2-3) during the week. We already talked about it, and in this last weeks I saw his efforts so I'm proud of him. (For example now if he have to do something else, and doesn't go out with me one day, he makes plans with for the next one etc). We chat more too! He always give me the goodmorning and goodnight, he always finds some times to at least replay to my messages. But for him, seeing me 2-3 times maximum In a week is enough, he doesn't feel the need or doesn't want me more. I can understand when there is university, when he has to work etc... (I don't like it, but he can be tired and it'd right to take some time alone). But now we have holidays!! And I would love to spend all my time with him, because togheter we have a lot of fun, and all I want is to be in his arms! I would love to make plans, travels, even free experience in thoose days togheter! But he keeps wanting to see me only the 2 or 3 times and I can't understand why for him this is enough!!! (Both of our love languages is quality time! And in the first month I was always above everything else! He said that I'm still important to him etc) I would love some opinions, not to find rassicurations, but to understand better why for him is enough, and his mentality! I can't see how loving someone and not wanting to see her whenever he has the opportunity can get along togheter!!

*you feel the opposite

"Almost like you are neutral": isnt it sad??? If I'm neutral towards meeting my partner or not I can also avoid having one at all. Sorry I'm provoking but I want to understand 😔

@Gio Abroad Well maybe not neutral, you can be happy to see him, but you don’t depend on it entirely if that makes sense. And don’t worry ☺️ i’m happy you are asking questions

He sounds a lot like me, if he does have ROCD like you have mentioned before, he may also have fear of abandonment or be ambivalently attached, meaning he wants to get close but is also afraid to get close. One moment he’s loving, the next he is cold and distant. It’s really tough to deal with, my partner hs watched me do the exact same over time, i’ve left so many times but also came back. It’s really tough 😔

@Redyroo Really? From your point of view, what can I do then to support him without making him feeling oppressed or without me feeling unwanted?? I don't know tho... one thing is changing idea but pursuing the decision, the other one is keep switching between putting and stop putting effort! At first he was always so full of initiative, now sometimes he get so excited, and the next day he reject every "long term date" like weekend vacation, because he loose hopes in us! I started doubting if this is really rocd for him... I also know that he is now trying to solve the situation, because if he loose me than he will miss me and he would see me as a lost opportunity... maby he just doesn't feel enough! Wait that's probably another rocd doubts yay🙄 Maby I am to "needy" by wanting him "wanting me" all the times; but at least I want to know that he likes and want to stay with me; to trust him!

@Saraa He already tried therapy in the past, with his ex, for the same problems, but it didn't help! He isn't really hopeful about it, and I'm really sad because I think that if you believe something, at the end it will became true... plus when he has to talk about feelings, he really puts up a wall; so I'm a little worried it will not work for that... I now that is not my business, but :(

so again, I was right.

@Saraa I’m sorry to hear this Sara. Try not to prove yourself right as this is confirmation bias as in “see, I knew it, I knew he would eventually leave me” and is unhealthy to think this way. If he is losing interest then the only way to process it isn’t to cling or say “see I knew it” but to instead accept it as is. Deal with the pain best you can and realise that you’re worth it and any man who doesnnt see that then be happy to let them walk out your life, open the door for them happily because you know that you deserve the best and only the best ♥️

@Redyroo Here is the problem, he always keeps changing his mind. That evening, i had a beautiful argument. I told him that he can't keep jumping in and out of the relationship, hoping things gets better by themselves. I told him that I loved him; that I want to keep growing, and I either can do it with or without him. He told me that he actually couldn't take a decision, because he has a lots of doubts and he is sorry to keep "pulling" this relationship so he prefer to broke up again. But later in the same night, he booked an appointment to a psychologist to try to understand better his situation and his will. Even in the same night he changed his mind... why🙄 He also told me firs that therapy doesn't work; and after that he has hopes for us. That he want to put effort in making this relationship work again.