- Date posted
- 329d ago
- Relationship OCD
- "Pure" OCD
i love my bf but sometimes after a day together I’m like I just need to go back to my place and be alone bc I love my alone time and my social battery drains! It sounds like he’s listening to your wants and needs and trying to accommodate them, and maybe he’s just a person who likes his alone time as well! it’s not easy to balance everything in life but it sounds like he’s trying :)
I agree with Raccs here, we all need our own space from time to time. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in over a week, this is due to covid tbh but regardless, I think your Rocd makes you feel like you have to know you are loved 24/7. It’s exhausting for both you and your partner. It’s your need to feel loved, wanted, accepted. If he meets you more than 2/3 days then you feel loved and wanted and you feel good about yourself. Happy. If not, the feel the opposite. This is what I was mentioning in one of your earlier posts, you want to be stable enough so that you don’t have any of these reactions to him aka If you meet once a week you’re fine, if you meet 4 times you’re fine. Almost like you are neutral. remember: our partners are an addition to our life, not the center of them and they can NEVER make us happy.
*you feel the opposite
"Almost like you are neutral": isnt it sad??? If I'm neutral towards meeting my partner or not I can also avoid having one at all. Sorry I'm provoking but I want to understand 😔
@Gio Abroad Well maybe not neutral, you can be happy to see him, but you don’t depend on it entirely if that makes sense. And don’t worry ☺️ i’m happy you are asking questions
I'm totally like you 😟 I see that my and his alone time are important, but cannot we combine them somehow? Like on our own but in the same place?
Nope; he just told me he doesn't know If he is intrested anymore
so again, I was right.
@Saraa I’m sorry to hear this Sara. Try not to prove yourself right as this is confirmation bias as in “see, I knew it, I knew he would eventually leave me” and is unhealthy to think this way. If he is losing interest then the only way to process it isn’t to cling or say “see I knew it” but to instead accept it as is. Deal with the pain best you can and realise that you’re worth it and any man who doesnnt see that then be happy to let them walk out your life, open the door for them happily because you know that you deserve the best and only the best ♥️
@Redyroo Here is the problem, he always keeps changing his mind. That evening, i had a beautiful argument. I told him that he can't keep jumping in and out of the relationship, hoping things gets better by themselves. I told him that I loved him; that I want to keep growing, and I either can do it with or without him. He told me that he actually couldn't take a decision, because he has a lots of doubts and he is sorry to keep "pulling" this relationship so he prefer to broke up again. But later in the same night, he booked an appointment to a psychologist to try to understand better his situation and his will. Even in the same night he changed his mind... why🙄 He also told me firs that therapy doesn't work; and after that he has hopes for us. That he want to put effort in making this relationship work again.
He loses intrest, and the next moment he gain it back?? One moment he want to run away, the next one want me with all his passion, gifts, attentions...How is that possible 🥲 Anyway, I was super confused and a little discombobulated, so I decided to take some days just for myself without having to be worried about his "mood jumps". So now he got the appointment for the 18 January, and until now I don't know how to behave with him
He sounds a lot like me, if he does have ROCD like you have mentioned before, he may also have fear of abandonment or be ambivalently attached, meaning he wants to get close but is also afraid to get close. One moment he’s loving, the next he is cold and distant. It’s really tough to deal with, my partner hs watched me do the exact same over time, i’ve left so many times but also came back. It’s really tough 😔
@Redyroo Really? From your point of view, what can I do then to support him without making him feeling oppressed or without me feeling unwanted?? I don't know tho... one thing is changing idea but pursuing the decision, the other one is keep switching between putting and stop putting effort! At first he was always so full of initiative, now sometimes he get so excited, and the next day he reject every "long term date" like weekend vacation, because he loose hopes in us! I started doubting if this is really rocd for him... I also know that he is now trying to solve the situation, because if he loose me than he will miss me and he would see me as a lost opportunity... maby he just doesn't feel enough! Wait that's probably another rocd doubts yay🙄 Maby I am to "needy" by wanting him "wanting me" all the times; but at least I want to know that he likes and want to stay with me; to trust him!
@Saraa He already tried therapy in the past, with his ex, for the same problems, but it didn't help! He isn't really hopeful about it, and I'm really sad because I think that if you believe something, at the end it will became true... plus when he has to talk about feelings, he really puts up a wall; so I'm a little worried it will not work for that... I now that is not my business, but :(
He and we hope that during therapy he will understand what he really want and stabilire his decision. Now I'm so confused that even my rocd is broken and doesn't trigger me anymore😂 From one side I hope to be with him again, from the other I don't want to, because it is so stressful sometimes 🙄
But in a certain way I want him soo much! :(
But yes that's what I'm doing, at least until the appointment with the therapist, trying to gain some stability and peace back!
I hate that I just did 2 rocd compulsion fully aware of what they are, and now I have anxiety... Well, well, I deserve it😂😅
Thank you for your support tho! I would really love talking to someone right now :(
You’re aware that you have ocd and things to work on so that’s good! Investing in yourself is never a waste of time or energy :) good luck!!