- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
i love my bf but sometimes after a day together I’m like I just need to go back to my place and be alone bc I love my alone time and my social battery drains! It sounds like he’s listening to your wants and needs and trying to accommodate them, and maybe he’s just a person who likes his alone time as well! it’s not easy to balance everything in life but it sounds like he’s trying :)
- Date posted
- 3y
I agree with Raccs here, we all need our own space from time to time. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in over a week, this is due to covid tbh but regardless, I think your Rocd makes you feel like you have to know you are loved 24/7. It’s exhausting for both you and your partner. It’s your need to feel loved, wanted, accepted. If he meets you more than 2/3 days then you feel loved and wanted and you feel good about yourself. Happy. If not, the feel the opposite. This is what I was mentioning in one of your earlier posts, you want to be stable enough so that you don’t have any of these reactions to him aka If you meet once a week you’re fine, if you meet 4 times you’re fine. Almost like you are neutral. remember: our partners are an addition to our life, not the center of them and they can NEVER make us happy.
- Date posted
- 3y
*you feel the opposite
- Date posted
- 3y
"Almost like you are neutral": isnt it sad??? If I'm neutral towards meeting my partner or not I can also avoid having one at all. Sorry I'm provoking but I want to understand 😔
- Date posted
- 3y
@Gio Abroad Well maybe not neutral, you can be happy to see him, but you don’t depend on it entirely if that makes sense. And don’t worry ☺️ i’m happy you are asking questions
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm totally like you 😟 I see that my and his alone time are important, but cannot we combine them somehow? Like on our own but in the same place?
- Date posted
- 3y
He loses intrest, and the next moment he gain it back?? One moment he want to run away, the next one want me with all his passion, gifts, attentions...How is that possible 🥲 Anyway, I was super confused and a little discombobulated, so I decided to take some days just for myself without having to be worried about his "mood jumps". So now he got the appointment for the 18 January, and until now I don't know how to behave with him
- Date posted
- 3y
He sounds a lot like me, if he does have ROCD like you have mentioned before, he may also have fear of abandonment or be ambivalently attached, meaning he wants to get close but is also afraid to get close. One moment he’s loving, the next he is cold and distant. It’s really tough to deal with, my partner hs watched me do the exact same over time, i’ve left so many times but also came back. It’s really tough 😔
- Date posted
- 3y
@Redyroo Really? From your point of view, what can I do then to support him without making him feeling oppressed or without me feeling unwanted?? I don't know tho... one thing is changing idea but pursuing the decision, the other one is keep switching between putting and stop putting effort! At first he was always so full of initiative, now sometimes he get so excited, and the next day he reject every "long term date" like weekend vacation, because he loose hopes in us! I started doubting if this is really rocd for him... I also know that he is now trying to solve the situation, because if he loose me than he will miss me and he would see me as a lost opportunity... maby he just doesn't feel enough! Wait that's probably another rocd doubts yay🙄 Maby I am to "needy" by wanting him "wanting me" all the times; but at least I want to know that he likes and want to stay with me; to trust him!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Saraa He already tried therapy in the past, with his ex, for the same problems, but it didn't help! He isn't really hopeful about it, and I'm really sad because I think that if you believe something, at the end it will became true... plus when he has to talk about feelings, he really puts up a wall; so I'm a little worried it will not work for that... I now that is not my business, but :(
- Date posted
- 3y
I hate that I just did 2 rocd compulsion fully aware of what they are, and now I have anxiety... Well, well, I deserve it😂😅
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for your support tho! I would really love talking to someone right now :(
- Date posted
- 3y
You’re aware that you have ocd and things to work on so that’s good! Investing in yourself is never a waste of time or energy :) good luck!!
- Date posted
- 3y
Nope; he just told me he doesn't know If he is intrested anymore
- Date posted
- 3y
so again, I was right.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Saraa I’m sorry to hear this Sara. Try not to prove yourself right as this is confirmation bias as in “see, I knew it, I knew he would eventually leave me” and is unhealthy to think this way. If he is losing interest then the only way to process it isn’t to cling or say “see I knew it” but to instead accept it as is. Deal with the pain best you can and realise that you’re worth it and any man who doesnnt see that then be happy to let them walk out your life, open the door for them happily because you know that you deserve the best and only the best ♥️
- Date posted
- 3y
@Redyroo Here is the problem, he always keeps changing his mind. That evening, i had a beautiful argument. I told him that he can't keep jumping in and out of the relationship, hoping things gets better by themselves. I told him that I loved him; that I want to keep growing, and I either can do it with or without him. He told me that he actually couldn't take a decision, because he has a lots of doubts and he is sorry to keep "pulling" this relationship so he prefer to broke up again. But later in the same night, he booked an appointment to a psychologist to try to understand better his situation and his will. Even in the same night he changed his mind... why🙄 He also told me firs that therapy doesn't work; and after that he has hopes for us. That he want to put effort in making this relationship work again.
- Date posted
- 3y
He and we hope that during therapy he will understand what he really want and stabilire his decision. Now I'm so confused that even my rocd is broken and doesn't trigger me anymore😂 From one side I hope to be with him again, from the other I don't want to, because it is so stressful sometimes 🙄
- Date posted
- 3y
But in a certain way I want him soo much! :(
- Date posted
- 3y
But yes that's what I'm doing, at least until the appointment with the therapist, trying to gain some stability and peace back!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I'm 18, and been in a relationship with my man for nearly 2 years. I started living with him around 2 months ago, and all I do is think about if he's cheating. We were long distance for a year and a half of our relationship, maybe seeing eachother once every month or two. I decided to move in with him, and ever since all I can think about is if he's cheating or watching porn. When he's in another room I think he's doing something wrong, I have to check on him every ten minutes to ease my anxiety. I didn't have this problem before moving in. Granted he has talked to some girls on his phone, even having his ex on his phone (didn't do anything bad) and he is porn addicted though he is getting better for me. It's gotten so bad I want to leave him. A couple days ago I broke up with him and it absolutely broke my heart, I couldn't bare it so I gave him a month to show me he can do better, and for me to work on myself. If I'm still unhappy with us I'm going to leave. I love this boy more than anything. I'm scared to be without him, this is my first real relationship. At this point I refuse to even sleep until he is sleeping. I don't want to start over, I don't want to leave him, but I really can't take this pain it's causing me. It's all I think about. I've convinced myself so many times that he's cheating, but I know he wouldn't. I question whether it's anxiety or intuition. Maybe I just know deep down he really is cheating and I just don't want to believe it. I don't know. I don't think he would do that, but at the same time he's really into women. I hate that he looks at other girls in a sexual way, it bothers me so much, and we talk about it often, but with it being an addiction it's difficult. He has gotten a lot better since we have talked about it. He understands I have an issue and is usually happy to talk about it over and over and promise me over and over that he's not cheating. He allows me to have his phone whenever I want and everything, I have no reason to think he's cheating, but I can't get over it. It's not fair to him either. How do I deal with this? How do I stop hurting so much?
- Date posted
- 17w
Does anyone else struggle with object permanence in relationships? Like whenever my partner is out of the house I immediately think negatively or I find things wrong with the relationship or him… For background my partner and I always fight over chores (I know it’s common but it’s annoying) I definitely pull more weight than him and I think he has ADHD, which makes him struggle to help and be aware of helping. Lately we’ve been somewhat good with splitting meals and dishes whatever, I know it can change with work stress, fatigue whatever. But last week my partner was out of the house watching his uncle’s dog so he was barely home. He was sleeping over at his uncles house and would come home for meals sometimes and stuff like that. I started becoming super fixated on him not helping with the dishes before he left and would constantly feel urges to yell about it. Even though the week prior everything was good when it came to that (sometimes with my ROCD I’ll even question myself and be like was it?) so I have started 4 separate fights arguing about dishes and chores and mentioning that he doesn’t help enough and if this continues I’ll have to leave… it’s so hard for me to snap out of it and just realize that he was going back and forth and didn’t think to help because he was busy with helping his uncle. And then I get such a negative view of him in my head that I nitpick his appearance, I make comments, etc, because my underlying fear is he doesn’t care to help, he will never change, and we will fail. So it’s almost like I’m looking to have a reason to run before I actually need to? It’s a constant cycle for me and I’m truly so exhausted by myself. But also relationships are so hard for me because I struggled SO much with trying to depend on others that I almost don’t let myself depend on others…. Any advice is appreciated but also just like do you also experience this? Thank you & pls be kind 🥺🥺🥺
- Date posted
- 13w
I’m a 19 year old girl and I have relationship ocd. My bf (20) and I are in college and around 2 days ago he asked for a break via text and then we called after on the phone which was the last time we spoke. We’ve been doing medium/long distance (1-2hrs away from eachother). I’m his first serious relationship and girl he’s ever loved. He’s my first healthy relationship and he felt like home to me. We both date to marry and everything with him felt so finalized, as silly as it sounds. Due to life being life we haven’t been able to see eachother the past three ish weeks. During that time he became different, wasn’t as loving as he used to be, and I had to continuously ask him to call me and he only did once or twice for about 15 minutes. He’s incredibly busy and in a agricultural frat. Unfortunately, he seeks a lot of validation from his frat brothers. It’s funny too, because I absolutely hate frats since I feel like often, of course not always, but often, all frats are about partying and hookup culture. That’s ok, it’s just not my thing as that to me isn’t what I value. With my bf though, I still loved him anyway. My bf was different from the stereotypical frat guy douche. You truly would not guess that him of all people is in one. He has incredibly redeeming qualities - he’s so kind, always tries to do the right thing, is so gentle, hardworking, encouraging, sensitive and sometimes emotionally intelligent lol. Due to this he gets treated differently in the house and the brothers disrespected him constantly. He would literally cry about it in my arms or in his car multiple times. When he was in my arms I was tearing up because it hurt me to see him like that. It broke my heart, but he was always too afraid to speak up for himself. I got pissed so many times and said I will say something for him - I’d do literally anything for him to make him happy. It became very obvious to me that he’s seeking so much male validation to fit in even though he comes from a great family with two married parents, with his dad being an absolutely amazing person and two older brothers. Hes said so many times that he doesn’t belong at the frat and I agreed and would tell him it’s because he was too good for them. I think he’s changed now though, and he honestly wants to fully submerge himself into this frat. He’s also taking max credit classes and has a job. I’ve been working to transfer over to the school he is at and as of late I’ve been doing community college, doing therapy with NOCD, going to the gym, and finally getting a car and being able to drive. I find myself that in relationships I let the other persons mood define mine, and I minimize my needs to make them happier. I wish I wasn’t like this and that I was a normal person. I care so deeply about him and want the best for him and I. I think he saw that flaw in me and with the combined stress of us being busy and not seeing eachother, thought it was time for a break. We called after he sent the text and I sobbed and acted a fool on the phone and I was absolutley pissed st first but only because I care. That was our first phone call in a while. He was crying and sobbing and calling me baby and the last thing we said to eachother was I love you, with him initiating that. Not too long after he was quick to take a lot of our posts down and stop sharing his location. So I did the same, and then just deleted all of my social media. I don’t know if he unadded me on anything, I don’t want to know and I don’t want to see his posts. I don’t think he has any idea as to what he’s doing. I’ll never forget when I was his date to one of his frat formals and I spoke to an alumni for a long time. He said to my bf waiting for me while I was in the bathroom “you got a good girl, take care of her”. My bf told me after that happened, because it was sweet, but I don’t think he honestly knew what that man really meant. Because I think if my bf did understand; I wouldn’t have to practically beg him to acknowledge me with a “maybe we could call” text for weeks, he would’ve directly thanked my mom for all the gifts I bought him using her money, he would’ve actually looked my mom in the eyes when he’s talking to her, he would’ve made sure that with intimacy my needs were also satisfied - not just his, he wouldn’t have told me what makeup style I should wear and what celebrities/traits he finds attractive in other girls even though I’ve voiced I’m uncomfortable with it, he would’ve shown more interest in my hobbies and likes the way I did his, and lastly, he would’ve been more courteous about my feelings and put his ego aside. I mean I’d literally watch hour long videos about fucking warhammer even though I thought it was boring. I sent him an educational video about OCD that I don’t think he ever took the time to watch. Which hurts, because he knows it’s something about me that I discovered during our relationship. Meanwhile, while I have stuff to work on like every person ever, I understand that I don’t need to fit into a group to feel complete. I’ve been authentically myself, flawed and all. I’m not afraid to show my problems to people. I don’t think I’m better than him because I’m like this, but I think that’s where we’re at right now. He hurt me so much and if/when he decides to come back is when I let him. I want him to regret this and for us to work out, but only if there’s change. He said we should work on ourselves and I agree. I’m slowly feeling better, but this took so many people by surprise especially his brothers gf who I was incredibly close to. She also has OCD funnily enough, and we’ve privately bonded over our bfs just not understanding OCD or going to each other for relationship/self care advice. I don’t know what to do, he was home to me. I love him, but I don’t love his actions and I deserve more. I hope he realizes what he’s missing out on, regrets it, and truly understands my value.
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