I am getting so depressed with this now. I didnt do the erp over xmas as felt better but now it has come back. I don't know if this erp is working although saying that I have worked through some tough ones and they no longer bother me. This is the longest I have ever had OCD for and stuck on one thought. I feel such a fool because I KNOW it is all made up in my head but I just believe it. I had 2 people I confided my intrusive thoughts in about their grandaughter.......I am stuck on what I said to them...."what if, when I was asleep my leg touched her leg and then because I thought I dont wear underwear in bed, what if my front bit touched her leg?' This to me is the absolute worse thing I could ever have said and it has not left me since they fell out with me over Covid 4 months ago.... It has gone round and round and round in my head. The thing is their response wasn't one of shock or anything but they said they worried like that when looking after a friends little girl. They helped me out so much with that spike and took me to yoga and the lady came to a mental health walk with me although no one turned up. She called me all the time and even read up about OCD not realising how much I suffered until she read about it. Why, then, is my mind making me think that now, after them falling out with me over covid do I think like this and think they think the thoughts i told them were real? I have imagined they have told my friend (the dad) about my thoughts even though i asked them once what would he think and they said he would laugh. I just cant seem to get this conversation 'what if my front bit touched her leg' out of my head and think I am such an awful awful person. I hate the fact they have fallen out with me as I have known them for years. Their son doesnt bother with me as he has a new wife who is a nurse but then I start thinking all sorts. He has always been a selfish person and not bothered with me since he met her but my mind is all over the place thinking they are all talking about me and this one sentence I said years ago. Before they fell out with me our relationship was great and went out all the time. I hate OCD.

Soph

Date posted: 3y

Have you looked up unconditional self acceptance? This can help with false memory ocd. Whatever perceived mistakes you made in the past, you can move past them and feelings of guilt

lou47

Date posted: 3y

No I havent. Thank you. It is just so ridiculous and laughable but when I am in the middle of it it is like the end of the world. I just wish I could live without OCD.

Soph

Date posted: 3y

@lou47 Me too <3 but although our brains are sometimes working against us, we can work just as hard to fight back

lou47

Date posted: 3y

@Soph Yes you are so right. I am determined to beat this episode. I know that once it has gone I will look back and realise how poorly I have been over the past few months. I hate people falling out with me and that was the trigger. I NEVER ever doubted their help until they fell out with me. It is such a cruel and debilitating disorder. I hope you find peace x

lou47

Date posted: 3y

No thank you.....I prefer to stay on here if you want to help

ocdfuidc

Date posted: 3y

Can I MSG you on here in private tho or no it's fine I just am not not comfortable typing in public.

lou47

Date posted: 3y

I dont think you can private message but whatever you say on here is private anyway. Sometimes it is good exposure to write it down on here

ocdfuidc

Date posted: 3y

Ur right.

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