So I’ve been dealing with something for the past 3 weeks and it’s seriously distressing. I believe it’s the so-ocd. So I work in an office with a gay man, who I do consider a friend now. We’ve worked together for about a year. So he’s pretty open about being gay which never bothered me. Then all of a sudden I would be sitting at home and he will pop into my head. And not like anything sexual at all, just like “hey what’s up man?” So after a while of us working together he started dressing in like white pants and ladies shoes and to be honest, I started to feel uncomfortable but I didn’t want to offend him so I didn’t say anything. And then in 4 weeks ago, it started to happen more often. So I was like, hmmm, why is a gay guy in my head. Does that make me gay? Then 3 weeks ago my Wife and I were getting down to business and I think I said something to stupid during, and after we were done, she asks “ are you gay?” with a straight face. And I was like “ahhhhh, no!” Then she starts laughing and says just kidding, and I’m like frozen. So after that happened my mind has been obsessed with that question. So now I’m questioning my whole existence of who I am. The thing is I’m not thinking about anything sexual with men, yet I keep asking myself “am I gay”. And it the question keeps playing over in my head torturing me. And now I’m afraid to even look a man in the eyes, watch certain movies, hang out with my bro’s for fear that I will turn gay. So I’ve been to my psychiatrist, and she said that it’s perfectly normal, I don’t have anything to worry about(being gay), and she put me on antidepressants. Well I’m still freaking out so here’s my story. Whew feels good to get that off my chest.

Anonymous8809

Date posted: 3y

I’m glad you feel a bit better about sharing. Did the psychiatrist mention OCD?

SydneySlate🍄🍀

Date posted: 3y

I have similar intrusive thoughts as a lesbian (except mine is intrusive thoughts of being straight) something that helps me a lot is saying my intrusive thoughts out loud to challenge my ocd or to journal about them!

Insecure101

Date posted: 3y

Oh yeah, I’ve been making a daily journal for the past few days and I started to notice a pattern. I would timestamp each time something affected my anxiety. I also tried to say it out loud but I get really anxious like if I said it out loud it would come true. But I felt better and kind of laughed at myself after.

SydneySlate🍄🍀

Date posted: 3y

@Insecure101 Oh yeah! Anxiety can naturally be superstitious but I think for that it’s good to see the cause and effect. Like for example having yourself say it out loud and then watch the effect of it not coming true therefore proving that your anxiety was wrong and you’ll slowly be less anxious about it

Insecure101

Date posted: 3y

@SydneySlate🍄🍀 Thank you for kind words and advice. I feel a million times better just being able to talk about it. 🙏

Insecure101

Date posted: 3y

Thanks for the advice. It’s all appreciated! So to answer the first question, no she didn’t mention OCD. I kind of self analyzed myself to try and find the root cause and read about SO-OCD which I didn’t know existed. I should mention that I have panic disorder. She said that with the stress I have from running a family business, it’s perfectly normal for it to affect other aspects of my anxiety. Usually the underlying problems which can’t be solved leads you to find something else that bothers you. And then you tend to fixate on the new problem instead of the real ones.

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