im so tired of the “what if you do it, or what if you just act on your thoughts” i’m tired. so tired. i feel like my body wants to give up on me 😞 i’m already extremely weak from losing my dad only 4 months ago. what do i do. this is taking a huge toll on me..

I just can’t do this shit anymore.im tired of these “arousal” sensations that feel real but when I go check my arousal to the same gender I just get anxiety. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t like girls anymore. I’m tired of my arousal getting blocked every now and then because I’m anxious. I’m tired of not knowing who I am anymore. I’m tired of having my mind putting me into an identity I never asked for. I’m tired of this life

the thoughts that have been making me super anxious recently is every-time I’m around someone im happy with my mind is like “they will miss you” or “they will wonder why you did it when your always happy” it’s eating me i hate it. i’m tired of this theme, it’s been on and off for three years. but it makes me more anxious now the it does before. please share tips

TW I am so utterly broken. I feel like my heart is shattered to pieces, within the span of a month I have lost someone that was like a second mother to me and someone who just passed away that was my closest connection to my great grandmother. I am having very taboo thoughts (as well as physical responses) surrounding death because of OCD, while also carrying such a massive weight of grief. Idk if taboo thoughts with death are even normal, while it is overwhelming me, I’m also so numb to grief at this point. Can anyone please give some kind of advice on how I may improve my mental health without overwhelming my family during their time of grief? I’m so tired of being strong, but right now I absolutely have to be. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.