I’m scared about how these thoughts have become so real. I am starting to think I’m in denial and it’s a matter of time til I have to break up with my boyfriend. This is so hard but I’m trying to keep compassion toward myself. He keeps being the sweet, kind soul he always is and it makes me feel so terrible and guilty. I just want to know I like boys even a little bit so that I can stay with him. Whenever I want to enjoy the moment with him I get the reminder that I like girls so I can never really enjoy the moment. I have no feeling of excitement or anything and I just know I want to let myself be happy with him but there’s always something. Can anyone give me advice on what to do when the thoughts are present during a good moment or when I don’t feel anything/ feel disconnected. Or any advice at all. I don’t want to like girls it’ll change everything for me, my whole life will be completely turned around and I don’t want that.

Amanda R.

18d ago

I feel this

linds💕

18d ago

I get it. I listen to the Pure OCD podcast and they said when the thoughts pops up, acknowledge it, and let yourself feel whatever comes up without trying to figure it out. I understand what you mean. “There’s always something” really hit hard. Like when I start to feel better something else pops up. It feels so real. It even creeps into when I talk to my parents I feel like I’m just lying and I get these unwanted thoughts that I’m into girls and I’m supposed to be with a girl even when I don’t want to.

cf05

18d ago

I can relate to this as well. I feel as though I am hiding something because I am having these thoughts that feel so incredibly real, and on top of that, I feel like because I’ve spent so much time thinking about them and convincing myself that they must be true that there is no way I’ll come back from them now and live the reality I want. It’s so hard because I am closer with my family than anyone and can’t even talk to them about this because I feel so ashamed and feel as though admitting my thoughts out loud will make them come true.

linds💕

18d ago

@cf05 I get that, I get scared that I’m just convincing myself I’m not gay even though I know I’m not?? Literally makes no sense, I know. I also feel like I’m just hiding something, or that I need to confess something. I’m close with my family as well, I told my mom about these thoughts because of how bad it got one night. But I don’t want to tell my dad or my brothers because so fear that they just won’t understand/it’ll make the thoughts true as well. I’m sorry to hear this is hard for you too, I would never wish this upon my worst enemy. OCD is so difficult, it’s so debilitating, and it’s so tricky. Sometimes it feels real, sometimes I’m ok, and then sometimes I just don’t know. Everything is triggering. You aren’t alone in this hard battle.

Bookworm91

18d ago

@linds💕 Can you please Help me I’m really struggling

linds💕

18d ago

@Bookworm91 Sure:)

Bookworm91

18d ago

@linds💕 I posted some stuff just recently. And on this thread I’ve been having a bad day I just need a lot of help

Bookworm91

18d ago

@Bookworm91 And thank you

linds💕

18d ago

@Bookworm91 I’m right there with you! Todays been super difficult for me as well, I’m sorry it has for you too.

run99

18d ago

I don’t have much advice. But I do relate

linds💕

18d ago

This is so random but I was just reading your bio and was like “OMG TWO CATS” I love kitties🥰🥰

run99

18d ago

@linds💕 YESS!!! Love them so much hehe