- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
You're not alone
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I developed tocd after really struggling with soocd. I too am a straight woman who at the time I was struggling had a boyfriend and I loved him a lot. One time however we were doing “it” and I had a thought about wanting to be him and not top him and the arousal died despite feeling so good. I always love being a woman. It makes me happy. I smile when I’m in a dress, I also always put on makeup not to hide insecurities more like it how I express myself. I always wanted to be a mother etc. ocd attacks the things that mean the most to us just remember that
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thank you for sharing. I just feel so ugly when I look in the mirror and it’s like I don’t even recognize who I am. I also have always had low self esteem, so now my mind is trying to tell me that the reason I am insecure is because I actually do not want to be a woman but I know this is not true because these thoughts came out of nowhere as a result of my SOOCD. I just don’t know what to do because I am trying to live like I have been with wearing girly clothes and putting makeup on and things like that that I love to do but it just feels like I’m going through the motions and don’t actually enjoy it anymore.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@cf05 this this this
- Date posted
- 3y ago
you’re not alone
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yes the same thing happened to me. Your not alone.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
How do you remind yourself that you do not want what your thoughts are telling you? It feels so real that I’m having trouble not using past insecurities to justify why I am actually trans even though I could never actually go through with jt
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@cf05 You can't because if you use the things you feel comfort in you will always questions and doubt it. No matter how much evidence you can compile that you identify with who you used to be your mind will always say it's not enough and that this 1 piece of "proof" that they are real out does your evidence. The faster you can get comfortable saying maybe I am maybe I'm not and realize acceptance is not agreeing the less damage this subtype will cause.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Exactly, it’s giving it weight that makes the theme worse. Don’t do it. The harder it is to take the weight away. You got this
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It feels so real that it’s making me feel like I am meant to be a man more than a female. It doesn’t make sense because I have never thought this way and this thought came out of nowhere, unlike the SOOCD thoughts that have come and gone throughout my life. I’m absolutely terrified because I feel like a stranger in my own body and repulsed at my thoughts. I’m also so scared that the reason I have always felt insecure and unattractive is because I am actually trans, even though prior to having these thoughts, getting all dressed up and girly made me feel more confident. Nothing is working to alleviate the anxiety of these thoughts and I don’t know what to do
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Trans thoughts are way way worse for me too, when I feel like I could be gay or i am gay my mind immediately goes to feeling like Im a woman inside.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I’ve had this after SOOCD. This theme lasted a couple of months for me. It was really really hard at the time!! Coming from someone who has had these same thoughts, I believe that you will be able to feel better too!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I appreciate you. It feels like I am the exception and that everything in my life is pointing to me being gay/trans. For example, I love working out and fitness is a passion of mine, so now I feel like the fact that I have muscle definition in my arms suddenly makes me trans. Like what?? That doesn’t even logically make sense. I think part of this is because I have spent so much time ruminating and doing constant obsessions and compulsions over my SOOCD that I am starting to feel detached from myself. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get better?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yeah this sounds a lot like thoughts I would get too! I think what happened with me was as I kept going on doing things I like I realized that I don’t actually have an issue with my gender like my thoughts were telling me. It’s not a realization you can force I think it just came to me slowly. Keep going you will get better! If you want to talk more about this/ have questions on my experience just ask!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I would love to keep talking if you don’t mind because I do not have anyone in my personal life to talk to about this. From your experiences, do you think that it’s possible that the reason I’m questioning my own identity now is because I have spent so much time comparing myself to other girls and being hyper aware of my attraction to them/their attraction to me because I am also jealous of how some girls are so naturally confident and can attract men without a problem because I have always wanted to be someone who had men lined up for me?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@cf05 Oh maybe! I had soocd for years before I started getting trans ocd thoughts. I do see the connection there. Don’t forget that a lot of people aren’t as confident as they may seem! It’s totally okay to recognize imperfections you may have, but at some point I personally realized that I’ve got imperfections but so does every other girl in the world. Not worth spending my time focusing on my imperfections if that’s a normal thing that makes me who I am!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w ago
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- OCD newbies
- Students with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 7w ago
I cant do anything anymore without my brain dregdging up proof from my past that I was actually trans and didn't know it, and it all seems so plausible. like I said in my last post its unearthing memories that I didn't even know I have. ik this is just ocd tricking me but I feel like I need to review every moment thoroughly bc I have questioned my gender in the past but always concluded that'd I'd happier as a girl (which is true). everything feels so real and it feels like I am just super in denial. also, how do I tell people about this? I made the mistake of confessing to a teacher on a note and only a couple friends of mine understand the thoughts I get, but I don't tell them everything. however its very hard for me to do basic responsibilities like school work and I always end up overwhelmed, so I'm thinking I may need accomdations. I need to get in touch with my counselor but i'm unsure how to explain all of this to her, being that I don't have a diagnosis....also I feel like I can't talk about this with the majority of my friends because gender ocd is rare to have (increasing my doubts) and, at least school-wise, i'm in very accepting environment for lgbtq and I'm afraid they're just gonna tell me to accept myself. I'm scared of doing erp for this because what if I like it (also cant afford therapy). ive also felt very apprehensive around some of my trans friends and classmates because my brain is going crazy asking "what if you're like them?" and I feel so bad and transphobic for these thoughts. i'm genuinely so tired. one of my closest friends died last year, but my father pointed out that my recent mood has been even worse than it was during that time. i tend to bottle up my emotions a lot, so everyone's just telling me to "let it go" and tell people, but if I do that I feel like i'll end up confessing. i'm so tired and lost.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond