Why am I suddenly now wondering if I am transgender? Like I look in the mirror and do not feel pretty at all anymore and when I talk I feel like I worry about sounding masculine, as well as if people think I look masculine, etc. I am a straight woman and have been battling with intrusive thoughts about my sexuality for some time now, and I am now suddenly questioning my gender identity too. Has anyone else with SOOCD experienced this, where you develop TOCD as a result of endless rumination cycles surrounding your SOOCD? Like I look into the future and know that I want to be a wife and mother and I want to have a husband and kids, but my OCD is telling me that I will be and act like a man and that will never happen. This is literally 10000x more distressing to me than my SOOCD was because I have honestly never understood the concept of being transgender but now I fear that that is who I am and who I have to be. Please help I cannot be the only one suddenly feeling like this. I want to feel confident and pretty and feminine again and I feel like I am never going to be able to. How do I know that this isn’t gender dysphoria/that I really want to become a man

Thank you for sharing. I just feel so ugly when I look in the mirror and it’s like I don’t even recognize who I am. I also have always had low self esteem, so now my mind is trying to tell me that the reason I am insecure is because I actually do not want to be a woman but I know this is not true because these thoughts came out of nowhere as a result of my SOOCD. I just don’t know what to do because I am trying to live like I have been with wearing girly clothes and putting makeup on and things like that that I love to do but it just feels like I’m going through the motions and don’t actually enjoy it anymore.

@cf05 this this this

How do you remind yourself that you do not want what your thoughts are telling you? It feels so real that I’m having trouble not using past insecurities to justify why I am actually trans even though I could never actually go through with jt

@cf05 You can't because if you use the things you feel comfort in you will always questions and doubt it. No matter how much evidence you can compile that you identify with who you used to be your mind will always say it's not enough and that this 1 piece of "proof" that they are real out does your evidence. The faster you can get comfortable saying maybe I am maybe I'm not and realize acceptance is not agreeing the less damage this subtype will cause.

It feels so real that it’s making me feel like I am meant to be a man more than a female. It doesn’t make sense because I have never thought this way and this thought came out of nowhere, unlike the SOOCD thoughts that have come and gone throughout my life. I’m absolutely terrified because I feel like a stranger in my own body and repulsed at my thoughts. I’m also so scared that the reason I have always felt insecure and unattractive is because I am actually trans, even though prior to having these thoughts, getting all dressed up and girly made me feel more confident. Nothing is working to alleviate the anxiety of these thoughts and I don’t know what to do

I appreciate you. It feels like I am the exception and that everything in my life is pointing to me being gay/trans. For example, I love working out and fitness is a passion of mine, so now I feel like the fact that I have muscle definition in my arms suddenly makes me trans. Like what?? That doesn’t even logically make sense. I think part of this is because I have spent so much time ruminating and doing constant obsessions and compulsions over my SOOCD that I am starting to feel detached from myself. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get better?

I would love to keep talking if you don’t mind because I do not have anyone in my personal life to talk to about this. From your experiences, do you think that it’s possible that the reason I’m questioning my own identity now is because I have spent so much time comparing myself to other girls and being hyper aware of my attraction to them/their attraction to me because I am also jealous of how some girls are so naturally confident and can attract men without a problem because I have always wanted to be someone who had men lined up for me?

@cf05 Oh maybe! I had soocd for years before I started getting trans ocd thoughts. I do see the connection there. Don’t forget that a lot of people aren’t as confident as they may seem! It’s totally okay to recognize imperfections you may have, but at some point I personally realized that I’ve got imperfections but so does every other girl in the world. Not worth spending my time focusing on my imperfections if that’s a normal thing that makes me who I am!