- Date posted
- 3y
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- 3y
You're not alone
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- 3y
I developed tocd after really struggling with soocd. I too am a straight woman who at the time I was struggling had a boyfriend and I loved him a lot. One time however we were doing “it” and I had a thought about wanting to be him and not top him and the arousal died despite feeling so good. I always love being a woman. It makes me happy. I smile when I’m in a dress, I also always put on makeup not to hide insecurities more like it how I express myself. I always wanted to be a mother etc. ocd attacks the things that mean the most to us just remember that
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- 3y
Thank you for sharing. I just feel so ugly when I look in the mirror and it’s like I don’t even recognize who I am. I also have always had low self esteem, so now my mind is trying to tell me that the reason I am insecure is because I actually do not want to be a woman but I know this is not true because these thoughts came out of nowhere as a result of my SOOCD. I just don’t know what to do because I am trying to live like I have been with wearing girly clothes and putting makeup on and things like that that I love to do but it just feels like I’m going through the motions and don’t actually enjoy it anymore.
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- 3y
@cf05 this this this
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- 3y
you’re not alone
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- 3y
Yes the same thing happened to me. Your not alone.
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- 3y
How do you remind yourself that you do not want what your thoughts are telling you? It feels so real that I’m having trouble not using past insecurities to justify why I am actually trans even though I could never actually go through with jt
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- 3y
@cf05 You can't because if you use the things you feel comfort in you will always questions and doubt it. No matter how much evidence you can compile that you identify with who you used to be your mind will always say it's not enough and that this 1 piece of "proof" that they are real out does your evidence. The faster you can get comfortable saying maybe I am maybe I'm not and realize acceptance is not agreeing the less damage this subtype will cause.
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- 3y
Exactly, it’s giving it weight that makes the theme worse. Don’t do it. The harder it is to take the weight away. You got this
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- 3y
It feels so real that it’s making me feel like I am meant to be a man more than a female. It doesn’t make sense because I have never thought this way and this thought came out of nowhere, unlike the SOOCD thoughts that have come and gone throughout my life. I’m absolutely terrified because I feel like a stranger in my own body and repulsed at my thoughts. I’m also so scared that the reason I have always felt insecure and unattractive is because I am actually trans, even though prior to having these thoughts, getting all dressed up and girly made me feel more confident. Nothing is working to alleviate the anxiety of these thoughts and I don’t know what to do
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- 3y
Trans thoughts are way way worse for me too, when I feel like I could be gay or i am gay my mind immediately goes to feeling like Im a woman inside.
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- 3y
I’ve had this after SOOCD. This theme lasted a couple of months for me. It was really really hard at the time!! Coming from someone who has had these same thoughts, I believe that you will be able to feel better too!!
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- 3y
I appreciate you. It feels like I am the exception and that everything in my life is pointing to me being gay/trans. For example, I love working out and fitness is a passion of mine, so now I feel like the fact that I have muscle definition in my arms suddenly makes me trans. Like what?? That doesn’t even logically make sense. I think part of this is because I have spent so much time ruminating and doing constant obsessions and compulsions over my SOOCD that I am starting to feel detached from myself. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get better?
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- 3y
Yeah this sounds a lot like thoughts I would get too! I think what happened with me was as I kept going on doing things I like I realized that I don’t actually have an issue with my gender like my thoughts were telling me. It’s not a realization you can force I think it just came to me slowly. Keep going you will get better! If you want to talk more about this/ have questions on my experience just ask!
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- 3y
I would love to keep talking if you don’t mind because I do not have anyone in my personal life to talk to about this. From your experiences, do you think that it’s possible that the reason I’m questioning my own identity now is because I have spent so much time comparing myself to other girls and being hyper aware of my attraction to them/their attraction to me because I am also jealous of how some girls are so naturally confident and can attract men without a problem because I have always wanted to be someone who had men lined up for me?
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- 3y
@cf05 Oh maybe! I had soocd for years before I started getting trans ocd thoughts. I do see the connection there. Don’t forget that a lot of people aren’t as confident as they may seem! It’s totally okay to recognize imperfections you may have, but at some point I personally realized that I’ve got imperfections but so does every other girl in the world. Not worth spending my time focusing on my imperfections if that’s a normal thing that makes me who I am!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
This is so extremely difficult, i’ve never experienced having thoughts of being a different gender. i’ve always been comfortable being a girl. i’ve always been a girly girl. this all started a couple months ago and it’s increasingly getting worse. i’ve had times where i didn’t like my body but i always thought i could just go to the gym and fix it, never did i think i wanted to be a man. ever since these thoughts started i hate looking at myself in the mirror, i hate looking at my body, i’m aware of my breasts all day everyday, i can’t look at pictures/ videos of myself. from the moment i wake up to the second i go to sleep i have these thoughts. i’m in a panic EVERYDAY. i don’t want to be trans but my thoughts are convincing me i do. i’ve never bat an eye when someone calls me a girl but now it’s like i’m aware of it which i hate. i hate that i’m having these thoughts & it’s convincing me that i want them & that i have to just come out and change. i want to be able to go back to being comfortable as a girl. this has left me feeling so hopeless and depressed, i can’t help but cry every day. has anyone else felt like their whole world was turned upside down?
- Date posted
- 14w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
- Date posted
- 7w
Hey guys so I have been suffering with sexual ocd due to the fact that I don’t feel that romantic spark with him anymore, I love him and I know I do but I get to much in my thoughts thinking about why can’t I feel that anymore what has changed what if I don’t wanna be with anymore I’ve been with him for 4 years and at first I think it was ROCD but now I started thinking what if I’m into girls now I’ve always been the type to say oh a girl is so pretty or I like this about her but now I feel like every time I see a girl I’m like do I see myself in a relationship with her oh she’s pretty oh I like her voice do I find it attractive and sometimes I do !!! Which is killing me I feel disgust thinking about because what if I secretly am no shame to people who are my sister herself is but I just feel wierd because I wanna be with my husband and feel happy there not with a girl and feel like a man because I see myself in the mirrior and I’m like do I myself being a man do I look lesbian? Do I act lesbian or bi? What if secretly I wanna be a man or I imagine myself being a man in a relationship with a pretty girl and idk what to think
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