Please help. I cannot sit with these thoughts anymore. I really think I may like them and I feel like I want to act on them and won’t be happy until I do. It’s almost like the graphic intrusive images in my head are getting louder and louder until I come out. I have always identified as a straight female and don’t know what to do now because I feel like I am attracted to ever girl I see and not attracted to guys, even though I never want to actually date a woman. I have had absolutely no relief from these thoughts and they are making me want to die because if they are true I will not live a gay life.

I also have been giving into compulsions and spending hours on end on this app trying to talk to people about what I am going through because no one in my personal life knows. I know I am supposed to resist compulsions but I don’t know how because the thoughts don’t even feel like OCD anymore—they feel completely real. I cannot separate myself and my reality and my goals from my OCD thoughts like I was able to when my thoughts first started.

i know it‘s hard and i truly understand your struggle, but you have to learn to live with the discomfort of not knowing a hundred percent for sure. ocd sometimes really is a bully, but the more you feed into it with compulsions (avoidance, readsurance seeking, mental compulsions etc…) the more it will eat you up. i habe felt suicidal because of these thoughts at a very low time in my life. as for me, the wordt part was that i just couldnt live with the idea of being intimate with someone of the same sex, because it felt alien to my identity. i honestly wouldnt habe a problem with being actually lesbian, if these thoughts were pleasurable to me , but they arent. and the fact that these intrusive thoughts pop up is not an indicator of my underlying, „hidden“ desire for it. no, its actually a really simple principal, when i tell you not to think about a blue elephant, what are you gonna think about? try as hard as you can not to think about a blue elephant right now. i dont have to wait on your answer to know for a fact that it doesnt work. also if your amygdala (part of ypur brain that is responsible for sensing threat and making sure you stay alibe in threatful situations) is trained to fear these thoughts, it will constantly send out signals to ypur body that youre in danger which furthermore creates more anxiety although these thoughts are not a threat to your nature or ypur identity. these are just thoughts. the second you realise that and start to accept that it’s only a thought and nothing more, you will start to realise that your ocd is playing tricks on you. also consider this: now matter how rationally you may argue with your inner worried voice, it will come up with even more „what if“ questions. there is no way to argue with something so irrational, so you habe to connect with your let’s call it rational part (that brought you to this app and actually knows, how absurd your fears are) will have to take the lead. in the ocd case, dont trust your inner worried voice, the one which is only coming up with more insecurity and quedtions. because in reality every single one of us actually knows that this does not represent what we want. but by feeding into your fear you just continue the never ending cycle. its not easy, but u have to start resisting doing compulsions no matter how frantic you may feel. sometimes my thoughts still really get under my skin, but the only way out is through confronting it with exposure.for example, something that i suggest for you to do is write a list of all your compulsions, everything you avoid, whether its tv shows, musicians/songs, your friends, the way you dress, the ways you seek reassurance etc. just everything that impacts the way you do certain things because of your ocd. its important to start trusting in the fact that youre safe, no matter what the outcome might be