Thread
moonstar
16d ago
  • Relationship OCD
  • Sexual Orientation OCD

I feel like i’m drowning. I’m screaming on the inside and no one can hear me. No one I know understands the pain I go through every day. I feel like my OCD is making decisions for me that I don’t want. I feel it is ripping things away things that I love and care about. Its ripping away my identity from me. I honestly can’t tell whats real and whats not anymore. I feel so broken down. If ANYONE can offer any kind of support i’d be over the moon appreciative. I feel so unbelievably alone. I just want to feel heard from people who understand

Bimmi
16d ago
You are heard. It seems to me as if my OCD demands to go a way that would be a path away from everything that was me, I loved and that kept me together. I have no identity anymore since I was 2 mos into SO OCD / Gender OCD - nearly a year. Although the thoughts got a bit better, my brain does not stop to create new doubts and problems. Now it throws guilt in and the idea that I do make a mistake and do something forbidden if I try to be my old self. I also have a fear to become crazy. Meanwhile more and more absurd thoughts and feelings flood my brain - and I take meds already! Feel hugged you are not alone, we are so many that are suffering, I hope we all get back to better one day, able to collect our pieces.
moonstar
16d ago
I really appreciate you taking the time to reach out. It means a lot. I’m sorry to hear you’re also struggling. SOOCD is so unbelievably awful. I developed it after awhile of having ROCD which isnt uncommon. I hope you also find your peace someday and you can get to where you want to be
Bimmi
16d ago
@moonstar - Thank you very much for your kind wishes and you're welcome, I had ROCD years back and remember how it stressed me. I got a depression as a result. This illness is really something. Let us keep up hope and believe that all will fall back into place (it happened for me with ROCD).
linds💕
16d ago
@moonstar I’m sorry to hear you both are also going through this. I also had (and sometimes it creeps in) ROCD for so long, which then developed into SOOCD. I hear you, I see you. You aren’t alone. I understand your struggle and how unbelievably difficult this is. Just like @Bimmi said, “let us keep hope and believe that all will fall back into place” 💕
cf05
16d ago
@linds💕 Hi there. Your comments have repeatedly been helpful to me, and I was just wondering if you would be able to talk throughout the day today. I feel like everyday I lose myself more and more and have more feelings of being gay that are now turning into feelings of being trans. I honestly could never live my life not as a straight woman, but these thoughts are telling me that the reason I have been so insecure and uncomfortable in my own skin is that I am having an identity crisis and that I won’t be happy until I change something about myself. I’m so scared
linds💕
16d ago
@cf05 Yeah totally! I feel like I’ve been losing myself too, but since I’ve been on medicine I feel like I’ve gained some of myself back but I still don’t feel like me if that makes sense? I’m scared too, but we will get through this!
cf05
16d ago
@linds💕 Yes that makes sense, and I am glad you are starting to feel better. May I ask how you go prescribed meds? I am scared to admit that I need them and don’t know if NOCD therapists even prescribe them.
linds💕
16d ago
@cf05 I used to be really scared of taking meds. I feared it would make my thoughts true, or I would go crazy, or I wouldn’t be myself etc. However, I’ve found them to be very useful, when you find the one for you of course. I talked to my therapist (she’s not from NOCD) about how I’m really struggling and she literally said “yeah you need to go back on medication” lol. So, I made a doctor appointment, and talked to my doctor about my OCD and asked her what medications would work best for me. She suggested Prozac and Lexapro. I chose Prozac 10mg, and just recently changed to 20mg. In the beginning it was hard because I had all the side effects. But you need to give it time, like 4-6 weeks minimum.
linds💕
16d ago
@linds💕 I haven’t ever had an NOCD therapist so I’m not sure if they can prescribe you medications but I’m sure they can certainly encourage you to take medication and as you’re taking it guide you along your OCD journey.
cf05
16d ago
I can relate to both of these so much. I feel like I have completely lost myself as a result of these thoughts and cannot stand what I feel like on both the inside and outside. It’s making me fear that I will never feel straight again. I cannot live if I am gay. I won’t do it. But I am afraid that I already have been and am just now realizing it, which is making me scared for the future because I will never live that life