- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I can relate to both of these so much. I feel like I have completely lost myself as a result of these thoughts and cannot stand what I feel like on both the inside and outside. It’s making me fear that I will never feel straight again. I cannot live if I am gay. I won’t do it. But I am afraid that I already have been and am just now realizing it, which is making me scared for the future because I will never live that life
- Date posted
- 3y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 3y
I really appreciate you taking the time to reach out. It means a lot. I’m sorry to hear you’re also struggling. SOOCD is so unbelievably awful. I developed it after awhile of having ROCD which isnt uncommon. I hope you also find your peace someday and you can get to where you want to be
- Date posted
- 3y
@moonstar I’m sorry to hear you both are also going through this. I also had (and sometimes it creeps in) ROCD for so long, which then developed into SOOCD. I hear you, I see you. You aren’t alone. I understand your struggle and how unbelievably difficult this is. Just like @Bimmi said, “let us keep hope and believe that all will fall back into place” 💕
- Date posted
- 3y
@linds💕 Hi there. Your comments have repeatedly been helpful to me, and I was just wondering if you would be able to talk throughout the day today. I feel like everyday I lose myself more and more and have more feelings of being gay that are now turning into feelings of being trans. I honestly could never live my life not as a straight woman, but these thoughts are telling me that the reason I have been so insecure and uncomfortable in my own skin is that I am having an identity crisis and that I won’t be happy until I change something about myself. I’m so scared
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 Yeah totally! I feel like I’ve been losing myself too, but since I’ve been on medicine I feel like I’ve gained some of myself back but I still don’t feel like me if that makes sense? I’m scared too, but we will get through this!
- Date posted
- 3y
@linds💕 Yes that makes sense, and I am glad you are starting to feel better. May I ask how you go prescribed meds? I am scared to admit that I need them and don’t know if NOCD therapists even prescribe them.
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 I used to be really scared of taking meds. I feared it would make my thoughts true, or I would go crazy, or I wouldn’t be myself etc. However, I’ve found them to be very useful, when you find the one for you of course. I talked to my therapist (she’s not from NOCD) about how I’m really struggling and she literally said “yeah you need to go back on medication” lol. So, I made a doctor appointment, and talked to my doctor about my OCD and asked her what medications would work best for me. She suggested Prozac and Lexapro. I chose Prozac 10mg, and just recently changed to 20mg. In the beginning it was hard because I had all the side effects. But you need to give it time, like 4-6 weeks minimum.
- Date posted
- 3y
@linds💕 I haven’t ever had an NOCD therapist so I’m not sure if they can prescribe you medications but I’m sure they can certainly encourage you to take medication and as you’re taking it guide you along your OCD journey.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Please if someone can reply! I really just need someone to talk to. I don’t even know how to control my OCD. It honestly feels like it’s controlling me. Everyday my mind focuses on every bodily sensation I have and it’s like a broken record player, I have horrible health anxiety and my OCD just makes it worst just thinking about it everyday. It feels like everyone who I explain it to looks at me like I’m stupid/crazy. I use to be much more tame with my OCD, I use to eat things without worry, now I can’t even touch things I use to eat without worrying that I’ll get an allergic reaction (despite eating them BEFORE,,,but my mind tells me otherwise) and omg worrying about heart attacks, pulmonary issues..and I couldn’t even enjoy my own child’s birth because my mind was on high alert thinking I would hemorrhage any second or develop pre-E (complications of postpartum) I was miserable for the first couple of months of my baby’s life and I didn’t know what to do. And now, I’m pregnant with my second (4wks) and all the OCD thoughts and anxiety is coming back at me and I have no one to talk to, I feel lonely. And even if I considered taking a pill, I’d worry about being allergic to it and refusing to take it. I ruin everything for everyone. I remember I ate out one night and I started to think “you’re gonna pass out! You’re gonna pass out! (Without ever passing out before) and I had to leave! I feel like I ruin the mood for everyone when I don’t even try to, and I hate it.
- Date posted
- 20w
I am at the point where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and have a really hard time explaining my thoughts and feelings. The thought that no one may ever be able to help me or understand me is blazing constant in my head. I don’t know if I will truly ever be happy, the dissatisfaction I have in my life is beyond words and I try to be happy but my mind is so toxic and ungrateful. I feel that I may never understand myself. Have been dealing with extreme intrusive thoughts in regards to my relationship, if my partner is for me, if I am the reason problems come up in my relationship, if I am overly sensitive causing arguments etc. I will have constant thoughts about other people in my head although I have a partner. A hyperactive imagination of others if you will or specific individuals in my life. I have a severely low sex drive. I have also noticed recently that my partner will say things that I don’t like but can’t tell if he’s the problem or if i’m the problem. If I like my partner anymore or if I don’t, can I see him in my future or not. When I am with him I enjoy being with him but there is always a thought in the back of my head of do I just like being around him as a friend because I am lonely or if I truly love them. It’s to the point where I question leaving them or not. My only issue is that I don’t want to leave but at the same time I have trouble feeling emotionally and sexually connected. I even pick at physical imperfections that they may have which to my true beliefs does not matter I will love them otherwise. We recently have been arguing a lot and I can’t tell if I am the problem or he is but it causes me a lot of stress because I feel misunderstood and feel like he wouldn’t understand me unless he was me. It can be hard explaining OCD to him because he is one of those people who loves to self help almost like a life coach, explains to me that anxiety doesn’t exist and that I can help myself or stuff along those lines. It hurts so bad because he doesn’t understand how hard it is for someone with OCD and how him saying things like that only makes it worse and makes me want to turn away from him in a way. I want to feel like I can talk to my partner and that I know for a fact is my true belief. I pray that God will heal me of this terrible disease. I feel I have turned away from the Lord so much because of how alone and misunderstood I feel with what feels like no change. When I’m in public I’ll look at a guy and feel as though because they looked at me back they will think I like them or that I may be interested even though i’m not. I obsess in my head sometimes about real people I know that are kit my partner and have just learned to accept that but it’s still disheartening to me. I understand the concept of being with a partner and still finding other people attractive without obviously doing anything about it and I try to remind myself of that. Please someone tell me this is OCD because the thought of it not is sickening. Another thing I do is compare myself to other girls my age almost that if i’m not as pretty as them im not pretty at all. To whom ever reads this please be very mindful of how you respond because I am triggered very easily. But I am so so lost.
- Date posted
- 12w
(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.
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