What happened to me man, at one stage I was able to relate to so many hocd posts but nowadays when I read them I feel above them, like i cant relate to them at all and like my problem is different than hocd sufferers. My ocd also feels completely uncertain to me as if I dont have it.

I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.

I haven't had anxiety for 1 week, I haven't had so many thoughts, but when it comes to sexuality I feel discomfort and I feel like something is pressing on my chest, it's very disturbing, and I still have attraction (false I hope), I wasn't diagnosed with hocd but I had all the symptoms, (now I don't have anxiety anymore, except when a feeling that I'm gay appears), I no longer felt that strong need to watch videos on yt or look for things that would make me feel comfortable, so somehow I managed to keep this under control, but I don't know if it's recovery or if I'm just lying to myself that I'm not gay. If anyone has any ideas, I hope they write something here

Hey everyone I’ve been doing good lately. I have an ocd therapist and I’m working on myself. Haven’t been doing as many compulsions or checks The last couple days I feel like I lost physical attraction to my wife and my mind says it’s because I’m gay. At this point I’ve been going back and forth on this for years so I’m more accepting but it still freaks me out. Then I noticed a coworker who is define as an attractive guy and thought about what it be like to be gay with him. It didn’t seem horrible but it seemed off somehow. Fast forward I tried gay porn…..again. At first like always it did nothing but I kept like making mental accommodations and trying to physically put myself in the situation. Then all the sudden I ejaculated. Sorry if too graphic. It’s happened before like that but I don’t get why. I feel horrible after it happens too. Anyway I tried straight porn to balance it out and it took forever. Maybe I just need to accept I am gay or not totally straight. I notice attractive guys and girls but I dream about my wife/girls, feel more comfortable thinking about a heterosexual relationship and can’t like get aroused to guys outside of porn. Can anyone relate? What does this mean? I might be seeking reassurance but need help