Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling with undiagnosed anxiety for years now, and started an incredibly healthy relationship about 7 months ago. I purchased a ton of books and listened to a ton of podcasts to teach me how to be the best partner I can be for my girlfriend and not let my trauma affect our relationship, but I’ve really been struggling with awful thoughts about self-sabotaging (imagining myself in a situation where I cheat, where I fall out of love, where I irreparably hurt her) even though I know I love her. I cannot get the thoughts out of the head, and they make me nauseous and dizzy with worry that I’m going to ruin something good, or that our relationship isn’t healthy despite all my efforts to be an absolute perfect girlfriend (which is exhausting in and of itself). Hit a breaking point today where I started frantically googling things (Google is my best friend whenever I’m stressed) and found this community. I don’t know if I have OCD (the more I learn the more I’m convinced I do) but I’m hoping this app can at least give me some resources to help manage my emotions. Thank you.

Hiii! This is my first post. I found NOCD through a tiktok ad that spoke to me. It was titled signs you didnt know were OCD or something like that, and one of the slides was “checking my pulse throughout the day to make sure i was okay”. This is something ive done for i dont even know how long. atleast 10 years, im 24 now. Ive always known Ive had OCD. Light Sanitation OCD runs in my family. But over the years ive started to realize i had way more than the “family trait”. Checking my pulse 40+ times a day is something i refer to as my “OCD tick”. Its to the point where people who dont know about my “tick” often ask if i am okay when they see me do it. Maybe this post is me putting it on paper for the first time so i myself can analyze but some other stuff i struggle with are: Often having thoughts of if i dont do A, B will happen. An example that is common for me is “if i dont refold this shirt me and my boyfriend will get into an argument” or if im out to dinner with a friend, “if i dont pick up this cup and place it back down, i will get into a car accident on the way home”. This is one i struggle with almost everyday, especially when im around people (work or outings). This compulsion happens multiple times a day. Now in my life i try to practice exposure therapy, even getting annoyed i feel the compulsion and think to myself “oh my god this is so stupid no!” but if i dont follow through i feel guilty. often when i get my next compulsion shortly after i tell myself “okay doing this will make up for not doing the previous one”. I definitely dont have a number based OCD, but i would have to pick up and put down the cup until it feels “right” or “correct”- same with checking my pulse. I have to check my pulse until the feeling is “just right”. With sanitation as i said before, i have a very clean and sanitary family, although mine is more severe than their feelings. I avoid touching certain surfaces after i have washed my hands, such as the front door knob, or living room tv remote, etc. If i need to touch or use these things, i have to immediately wash my hands again. Even if someone comes home and asks me to go and lock the front door ill often respond with “i cant i just washed my hands, if i lock the door ill have to rewash my hands”. thankfully my family is very understanding. I often feel like certain things are contaminated. For example when i come home i sanitize my phone immediately as it is contaminated from being outside of my house. I often have a feeling of something having to feel “just right”. If i go out to dinner i have to be the first to pick what seat or side of the booth im sitting on before the rest of my family sits down or i will feel anxious the whole dinner. Sometimes when im typing i have to back space and retype the same word over and over until i feel i typed it “just right”- even if i didnt make a typo. sometimes when i am driving and space out i often think “oh my god did i just hit someone” when there is no evidence that i have. it worries me. I think oh my god i mightve done a hit and run. But tell myself it can not be possible, theres no police chasing me, no honking, or anything. It is scary. this one is very rare. once in a blue moon i get a false memory. A main one ive felt since i was a kid is if someone or some object touches any part of my body, for example my left arm, i have to have them or atleast my self touch my right arm in the exact same way or i feel uneasy. this isnt with every single touch, but mainly when i feel triggered- although i never know what triggers a moment where i need the symmetry. I guess ive always known, i am very honest with my family, friends, and boyfriend about it. But i didnt start to realize how neurodivergent i was until asking some friends “you never randomly feel *insert compulsion*?” and they say never in their life have they felt like that. Im very self aware and have come to an acceptance with all these things, although it is debilitating. Periodically i think, wow it must be nice to not live life with these feelings but oh well. To be honest, downloading this app is the first step ive ever taken to find out more about OCD. Ive always kind of just been like “yeah i definitely have OCD but okay” more or less.

Hello all, I don’t have insurance at the moment (lost eligibility due to me making more money, but not enough to afford medication and visits) and have been struggling a LOT. When I was going to therapy, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder. I never got to expand on other mental health concerns I had and it bothers me that I can’t receive the proper advice that I need. If this is not allowed, I completely understand (and you may delete) but I figured I’d give this app a shot to get some clarification and knowledge on the topic. I experience MANY intrusive thoughts that destabilize my relationships and daily mood. I always pitched it to be my B2D symptoms, but the more I read into OCD or rather, Relationship OCD, I feel connected to others’ experiences. My boyfriend has been cheated on in the past—to such a bad degree, that it can be hard for him to trust me. I have never been cheated on nor have I ever thought cheating was okay, but I experience nearly daily intrusive thoughts that I am a horrible partner. Even worse yet, the intrusive thoughts often include overanalyzing my body language and making myself believe that I am somehow presenting myself in a way that would make men “like” me and therefore convincing my boyfriend that I am or will cheat on him if given the chance. It gets so bad that when my boyfriend questions an interaction I have with a dude, I freeze and become so panicked that I feel as though I am “giving away” that I did something wrong—even though I didn’t do anything at all. I am fiercely loyal to people in my life and could never imagine hurting anyone, so the very thought that I could “potentially” do this gnaws away at my social comfortability and self-confidence. I always feel as though I’m a horrible person and I am constantly trying to “make up” for something I didn’t even do. I’ll cry myself to sleep ruminating on every detail of the moment I had these thoughts or when I spoke to my boyfriend about it. It just haunts my thoughts honestly and makes socializing impossible nearly all the time. Eye contact has been a huge problem for me lately even—as if eye contact seals the deal on me being an “unfaithful” partner. Or laughing! Because if I show any sort of interest in the conversation—no matter how respectful and short it is—I believe it’ll spiral into my boyfriend leaving me (which is completely ridiculous and not true!) It’s almost like imposter syndrome in a way—because I feel as though no amount of reassurance or truth that I am a kind, loyal girlfriend, I will eventually ruin it anyway so I don’t deserve respect or affirmations. And it’s not even just with my boyfriend. Friends I have lost in the past clutter my mind as well. I have constant guilt and regret over potentially being a horrible friend despite how hard I fought/fight to keep that person in my life. Honestly, it gets to a point now where I’m convinced I will mess up any form of relationship I have eventually so I suppress my feelings or thoughts that could potentially upset people or make them question if I am really valuable in their life (often I can feel detached from people while being physically present with them because I get so lost in my head about what-ifs or where to look or if I’m causing someone to feel uncomfortable or that what they are or I’m saying isn’t satisfying the “ideal” friendship) . I let people walk all over me, deal with uncomfortable settings to avoid conflict and struggle to assert myself or have any sense of who I truly am with other people. It has put such a strain on me and my relationships, especially my best friend and my boyfriend and I’s relationships—which hold highest priority in my life at the moment. It can be hard to “let go” of people because it’s just another person who I have failed—including my own family members whom have definitely given reason for me to be not close with them. I also struggle with perfectionism and order during “stressful” situations, to the point where I will put myself into an anxiety episode over the simplest changes, unexpected accidents or things not going to plan. Again, this could very well be a symptom of Bipolar, but it truly causes me to blow situations WAY out of proportion and convince myself that I will never resolve it or make things better unless I can set it exactly how it was supposed to be in my head. The executive dysfunction is real on that one…To some, it could be procrastination. Or even just my cycles rapidly changing. But it affects my outlook on most things—financial matters, relationships, responsibilities, hygiene, cleaning. I can go from having complete confidence in doing something, to being doubtful that I could even get myself to get out of bed because I know I won’t do what I need/want to do. Sometimes I’ll even elaborately plan a course of action the day before and then when the time comes to do it, I lose control of my will to do it due to my intrusive thoughts. I do NOT expect anyone to “diagnose” me and I’m not sway the audience into agreeing with me in any way. I truly only want to hear your experiences, and if you also struggle to differentiate if you’ve been properly diagnosed or have overlapping symptoms that you can relate in some way. I want to better understand OCD and possibly connect with people who have had the same experiences. I appreciate any feedback—as long as it’s beneficial to this discussion and helping anyone else who struggle with the same thoughts—or even struggling to identify yourself or afford treatment! I just am curious, and honestly needed to have a platform to express some deep stuff I haven’t really discussed with anyone else besides my boyfriend. Thank yall for reading/listening regardless!

hi everyone, i just joined and this is my first time really seeking help for my mental health. i’ve always thought i could handle the thoughts on my own but it’s getting harder every day and starting to becoming debilitating in some aspects of my life. i’m not educated enough on a lot of forms of OCD and i’ve never spoken to a professional (i plan to soon) but i think i may have some form of harm OCD? reading the descriptions of it and learning about others stories, i feel i can safely say i have experienced harm OCD, however the bulk of my thoughts don’t revolve around me hurting someone, instead i have very graphic and intrusive thoughts/ visions of my loved ones dying in all kinds of ways. I obsessively watch my boyfriends location as he drives because i need to be sure he is alive and moving. when he leaves i have to say the same prayer (i am not religious) like a mantra three times. if i see a loved one a “dangerous” situation, say standing at the top of stairs, stepping on rocks at the beach, leaning on a balcony, etc. i will have INCREDIBLY real and vivid images flash in my head of them dying. the images are so graphic and make me have a visceral physical reaction. some images have stuck with me for years and they will “flash” in my head all day, every day. almost every time i shower, walk by a curb, i have a split second image of me or a loved one tripping and hitting my head. i will be sitting on the couch and see the corner of a table and my whole body will shiver hard because i imagined slipping and hitting my head. sometimes this makes me stay up all night because i can’t control or stop the thoughts and i will have a panic attack. I also have always really bad thoughts revolving driving. i drive a LOT and luckily it hasn’t interfered with my ability to do so, but since i started driving almost ten years ago i have had the same little mantra that i repeat three times EVERY time i put the car in drive. i have several items in my car that can not leave or i am convinced something horrible will happen. this year i got a new car and i had horrible panic attacks and anxiety leading up, to the point where i almost considered backing out. i sobbed when i tried to Not transfer my “safety items” from my last car to my new one. i am proud to say that there were a couple items that i was able to throw out, not including a dead, petrified beetle (gross i know) that i have kept 3 different cars (for OCD reasons, im not gross) last thing for this post- for as long as i can remember, i do this thing where i poke my fingernails into my palms very hard until i feel pain so i can assure that im alive. kind of like a “pinch me im dreaming thing”. i will not cut my nails short because when i do, the poking doesn’t “hurt enough” so i cant reassure myself that im alive. i do it every time death is mentioned, i do it every. single. time. a semi truck is driving past me. i do it every time i have an intrusive thought, every time i see a motorcyclist, every time i feel “jinxed”, every time someone is driving too fast, etc. etc. etc. i did not expect to write so much in this first post, it just all kind of came out so if anyone has actually read this, thank you. i think i just want to know what this is and if anyone else has experienced something similar. thank you ❤️