i’m sorry but sometimes i just have to realize how stupid my thoughts really are. like stuff that is just so specific and not really important can seem like the answer to weather or not i really love my boyfriend or really like boys. Whenever i’m with my boyfriend it just feels so natural and we usually will stay with each other like weeks at a time (we live 2 hours from eachother). I love spending time with him so much and whenever we have to leave eachother it makes me so incredibly sad because i hate being away from him, but also cuz i know my ocd will get even worse when he’s not with me. I feel so safe and relaxed and like it’s perfect living together when we do. But this week my sister has been in town and i’ve been spending a lot of time with her obviously. She’s leaving tomorrow and i feel really scared and sad for when she leaves. My boyfriend isn’t here rn btw, but i feel finally a little bit more relaxed and happy when i’m with her too. I know that sounds like a good thing but for some reason my mind feels like that’s an issue. Like why do l enjoy being with my sister and my boyfriend like almost to the same level. and why am i so sad she’s leaving just like i’m sad when my boyfriend leaves. I always say that i wouldn’t be so sad when my boyfriend leave and i wouldn’t be so relaxed and happy when i’m living with him if i don’t actually love him in a romantic way. But what if he just feels like family and i like having his company but i don’t actually love him romantically. Or what if i just love being with him cuz i’m comfortable with him and i’m just used to being with him so it feels safe, but i don’t really love him. What if i just love him like family and not like a boyfriend. I know this is all so ridiculous but i can’t get over it. Why do i have to be like this. Literally it’s just one thing after another and it always seems like there’s some question that has to be answered or there’s some deep meaning behind something that i have to figure out. How can people just be normal and not worry about stuff all the time. also i feel like the second i try to accept that i can still just be with my boyfriend even tho i have doubts my mind likes to switch to trying to say i just like girls and not boys. Like maybe i do like girls too, idk, but that doesn’t mean i don’t like boys. But i can’t say that unless i figure it out because it just feels like it can’t be tru.

Tan???

Date posted: 3y

Hey do you ever have false attraction to masculine lesbians Im a married female with I hope hocd and this is my biggest trigger

hannah

Date posted: 3y

yes i do:( And then my brain tries to tell me that even before the ocd started getting bad i felt attraction to masc lesbians which i don’t think it’s the case but it bothers me a lot too

hannah

Date posted: 3y

@hannah Which i know you can find people attractive without actually being sexually attracted to them but it feels like i really need to figure out what it means which isn’t good

hannah

Date posted: 3y

I’m in college so i usually stay at my own apartment but when i go home to my moms i feel a little bit less stressed and it makes me happy to just be home. But then i think like why do i feel better being here even tho i’m not with my boyfriend. Like am i really just looking for a place that i’m familiar with and feel safe in. Is that why i’m with my boyfriend. How am i supposed to know if that’s the case or if i really love him. and I know i could be looking for someone i feel safe with and love him too but just the fact i don’t know is so scary. And also i know that u should feel safe and at home with your partner, but my brain can’t stop telling me i need to figure out why i can feel like that with him and feel like that when i’m home with my family. Like what if i just have ‘daddy issues’ and i’m just using my boyfriend to feel like home. What i don’t really like boys at all and it is just a daddy issues thing. literally so many questions and i’m never gonna know the answer so what am i supposed to do

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