- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
are you someone with an anxious-avoidant attachment style? bc I'm kinda like that and it's also fueling my rocd
- Date posted
- 3y
yes i am lol
- Date posted
- 3y
@ducky yeahhhhh then u know the reasons. good luck with all that, u can do it
- Date posted
- 3y
@nothavingagoodtime same to you
- Date posted
- 3y
I keep walls up, I never seem to let them down, in fear of not protecting myself of that other person decides to bail on me and our relationship, then it seems I'll be able to handle it better with the walls up if they leave. I'm always worrying something bad is going to happen. Its rough
- Date posted
- 3y
I related to this so much it hurt my own heart to read it. I think eventually we can stop the patterns from repeating. But it takes time and an awful lot of work and patience. Sometimes I feel like I'm incapable of love now, but one thing that helps me is to think of it in small steps. Maybe you can't let everyone in again yet, but just try a kind sentence, a smile, show someone you care even if it feels a little unreal at first. It will then start to grow on you again!š
- Date posted
- 3y
even with friends. i can't maintain friendships because the flaws in any connection terrify me and weigh so heavily just in the act of noticing them. it feels like i've poisoned it.
- Date posted
- 3y
everything feeds into itself. the obsessions make me cause hurt people, i ruminate and obsess about that hurt and convince myself im evil, people come to love me and the thoughts feed back in and i panic and see history repeating itself. everything is patterns to me. everything has a deeper meaning. this illness will use absolutely everything as a weapon and the more real evidence it generates the more difficult it becomes to refute it. and the line is so unbelievably blurry at a certain point. and of course, what isn't clear cut is a generator of uncertainty. if its a character flaw, certainly can't also be ocd >>>>> it was all your fault
- Date posted
- 3y
i'm so unbelievably sick to my stomach of myself. i watch myself discard people because i've "poisioned" a connection with the constant back and forth and paranoia and nitpicking and obsessing over greener grass and they're one step closer to finding out who i """really am""". shit just adds fuel to the fire.
- Date posted
- 3y
people want to love me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why am i incapable of sitting still with them?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Hi everyone. Iām really struggling and I need to let it all out. Iāve been dealing with ROCD (or what I think is ROCD) for a long time, and I feel like Iām at my breaking point. Iām in a loving relationship with a boyfriend who is kind, understanding, and patient. But ever since I started reading a lot online, googling symptoms, talking to AI like ChatGPT, searching for reassurance, things have gotten worse and worse. And now⦠I feel completely disconnected from my feelings. I donāt know whatās real anymore. My boyfriend told me that he believes Iāve convinced myself that I have something that needs to be treated, and that all this constant researching is making me feel worse. And honestly, I think heās right. Before I fell into this cycle, I could be more intimate with him. I used to say āI love you,ā I used to feel warmth. Now I donāt say it anymore. I havenāt in a long time. And it hurts him. And I know Iām hurting him, and that makes it even worse. He also said that maybe Iām having these obsessive thoughts because I donāt have a daily purpose, that I need to get occupied, to stop being consumed by this. And others in my life have told me the same. He even suggested taking a break from each other for a week, just to give me space. But Iām terrified of that. Iām scared that the thing I fear most will become āthe truth.ā Iām scared Iāll feel relief, and that will mean everything I fear is real. But he told me that if I donāt want the break, maybe it means I still care. Still love. Still want this. The problem is, I donāt know anymore. And thatās whatās killing me. Iāve also had a psychologist who told me that just because I feel guilt or ācare,ā it doesnāt necessarily mean I like him ā and that sent me spiraling. She said that maybe I care about people in general, but it doesnāt mean I love him. And it made me feel like Iām just lying to myself. That maybe Iām holding on out of obligation, or because I set in my head that I āhave to be with him.ā And even when he tells me beautiful things ā logical things ā things that SHOULD make me feel safe and seen⦠I donāt feel better. I just feel more empty. And then I start spiraling again: āIf this doesnāt help me feel better, then something must be wrong.ā āWhat if Iām just pretending?ā āWhat if Iāve been lying to myself all along?ā I feel like thereās something wrong inside of me. Like no matter what anyone says, or how much love Iām given, I canāt feel it. I just want to know what to do. I want someone to tell me what this is. I want to stop feeling like Iām running after a version of myself that used to feel, used to love, used to be calm. I donāt know if this is ROCD or if Iām just slowly facing a truth Iāve been afraid to accept. Please, if anyone has felt this way, I need to hear that Iām not alone. And if youāve come out the other side⦠how? My relationship is perfect and he is perfect, i just deal with this and i am far from happy.
- Date posted
- 19w
Hi. I wanted to stop posting here, but I canāt hold it in anymore. Iām feeling so lost. Iām in a relationship that, from the outside, looks wonderful. Weāve been together for 2 years. He loves me deeply. Heās kind and caring. And still⦠I canāt feel anything. I canāt imagine a future with him ā living together, starting a family, growing old. When I try, it feels like something in me shuts down, like itās wrong. I donāt feel happiness in the relationship. I donāt feel love, warmth, or comfort. I feel anxiety, numbness, guilt, and fear. We fight over the smallest things. My thoughts scream that I donāt love him, that Iām forcing this, that Iām just used to him. The scariest part is: sometimes I feel okay, even calm. And thatās when it hits me ā āWhat if this calm means Iāve accepted the truth? What if I donāt love him?ā It feels like Iām in shock. Like Iām finally seeing clearly⦠but Iām terrified that itās a clarity I never wanted. I donāt know whatās real anymore. I just know that Iām exhausted. And I want peace. If anyone else has felt this ā the numbness, the fear, the doubt that feels like the truth ā please tell me how youāve gotten through it. I donāt want to lose him. But I also donāt want to keep living like this. i know that people reading this will tell me to leave. but i dont have any reasons. All the problems started because of my never ending thoughts. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel like i have changed. im so lost and scared. i dont understand what is happening. It feels so real. im in agony, im crying so much. I wasnt always like this. i am trying to remember times i felt better and i cant. i cant feel anything. its so hard. i canāt explain how i feel and in scared what are you going to respond if someone will. i usually see āif you feel so bad then leaveā but its not like that. he loves me so much and if the thoughts werent there it would gave been so different. everything was perfect. but i keep thinking that when the thoughts started, one and a half years ago, i realised that āi just dont like himā and gbat i couldnāt accept the truth and i am denying it. i feel fake. do i even have rocd? or is this cope?? why do i feel like this. why does it feel so real? please somebody help me
- Date posted
- 15w
Hi. Iām writing this because I honestly donāt know what to do anymore. Iāve been suffering in silence for so long, and I feel like Iām losing myself more and more every day. Iām 18 years old, and Iāve been in a relationship for 2 years with someone who truly loves me( i have these thoughts and bad feelings since month 4 in the relationship) Heās kind, patient, and he really cares. But for a long time now⦠Iāve been stuck in this horrible cycle of fear, doubt, and emotional numbness. It started slowly ā little intrusive thoughts like: ⢠āDo I really love him?ā ⢠āWhat if Iām lying to him?ā ⢠āWhat if I never truly loved him, and Iām just realizing it now?ā ⢠āWhat if Iām wasting my youth in the wrong relationship?ā And now? These thoughts feel louder than anything else. I donāt feel love anymore ā not clearly. Sometimes I even feel repulsed or irritated. I hate admitting that, because I feel like a horrible person. He hasnāt done anything wrong ā in fact, he just wants me to be happy and close again. But I feel like Iāve lost all my feelings, my sexual desire, my clarity, and my connection. It feels like my chest is heavy all the time. Every day I obsess: āAm I in denial?ā āIs this ROCD, or is it just the truth?ā āShould I break up? Should I stay?ā āAm I wasting both our lives by not ending it?ā āWhy canāt I feel anything? Why canāt I be normal again?ā I feel so guilty because Iām not treating him with love anymore. Sometimes Iām rude, cold, distant ā and it kills me, because thatās not the kind of partner I want to be. Iām scared Iām ruining him and myself. What makes it worse is that I remember how things used to be ā how safe I felt, how excited I was, how much I wanted him. But now, those memories feel so distant, like they happened to someone else. I feel disconnected from who I used to be, from him, and from myself. I keep thinking, āYouāre only 18, you should be enjoying life, not crying every day over this.ā I feel like Iām wasting my youth, my joy, my energy ā but at the same time, I canāt leave. Because a part of me still wants to be with him. A part of me wants to want him again. But right now, I just feel broken and terrified and unsure of who I even am anymore. Iāve tried to talk to people close to me, but most donāt understand. Some get angry or say Iām overthinking. Others say āmaybe itās just not meant to be.ā But it doesnāt feel that simple. Because if I didnāt care⦠I wouldnāt be this afraid. If I didnāt love him at all⦠I wouldnāt be this devastated by the idea of losing him. But what do you do when you want to love, and you canāt feel it? When your brain is screaming āTHIS ISNāT RIGHT!ā and your heart is too quiet to answer? Please⦠if anyone has been through this ā if anyone has healed or has advice ā I need to hear it. I want to be a kind partner again. I want to feel safe and clear again. I want to stop this spiral thatās been eating me alive. What helped you? What did you do when it felt so real and so final? How did you get through the days when all you felt was guilt and doubt and dread? Thank you for reading this. Even writing it helps me breathe a little. Please, if youāve felt this way before⦠tell me how you kept going. š
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