- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
My mom will sit and listen to me for quite a while, but she interrupts a lot and gets angry/upset. While I appreciate her passion, it's often stressful. Every time I come to her, if I even *mention* OCD, she gets frustrated and says, "Everyone deals with these issues, you know. It doesn't mean it's OCD." And I repeat, "I'm not saying my issues are unique — I'm saying the way I respond to them is a problem." But she just shakes her head and says, "Okay, I need to get back to my day." Full context, I'm an adult, and I live with my boyfriend, but I'm staying at my mom's for the next month. After living away from home for years, I went back to living with her during the pandemic, and I only recently left to live with him. Honestly, I think living with her for so long in my adulthood really messed with me and made me feel like a teenager all over again. I feel like my mental growth is stunted, and that's part of why my OCD is so bad lately. Not blaming, just noticing. She doesn't seem to understand how relieving the OCD diagnosis has been for me, because it explains so so so many things I've struggled with for years, and it's exciting to have more resources that can help me. But I think she sees it as me finding an excuse to *not* work on myself, which is just untrue. I'm not going to let OCD hold me back or use it as an excuse, but I'm also not going to pretend it's not a problem when I know it is — I was even diagnosed through NOCD. The whole point being to fix it, not use it as a crutch. When I have an issue, it's unbearable. Any issue, big or small, feels just the same. I feel a sinking feeling, my mind races, my heart beats out of my chest. I end up running to my support systems, crying, ruminating for days on end. Then, months later, the same exact issue can feel like nothing anymore, because it's no longer an obsession. I'm sure everyone deals with issues in a similar way, but I *know* there is something specific and debilitating going on with me. This is reassurance seeking, but in the face of being told I'm making a big deal out of nothing, can someone diagnosed with OCD tell me if they relate to the specific intensity of these feelings??
It use to be so much worse but I notice I over share so bad, some examples are like whenever I’m in the store and I buy some random things and I’m checking out I always try to sneak in a reason for the stuff I’m buying so the cashier doesn’t think I’m weird even tho it’s probably regular stuff. Or if I think I said something wrong to someone I try to find a way to add in something to say to ensure they heard me correct. Most times this has worked other times it’s just me overthinking it. It’s so silly but annoying sometimes. I always over share things in case someone thinks I’m weird or something. Sometimes I even do it on here, if I think my post is confusing or someone could take it out of context, I’ll say something in the comments in case someone thinks I’m strange. It’s hard to kinda just let people think whatever, but my ocd seems to obsess a lot over what others are thinking. It sucks. I always have to know what they’re thinking and if I can’t I’ll try to get them to not think that way but I can’t help what anyone’s thinking about me.
(Please don’t be rude to me if you do reply. I know I could’ve handled it better) So my sister and I recently got into an argument, and I haven’t been able to stop obsessing over it. I still don’t know if I should apologize or just let it go. The argument started over me needing to wash some clothes. She told me they were already clean, but I explained they weren’t. They’re my clothes, and I know when they need to be washed. She pushed back and said I didn’t need to, and when I asked how it affected her, she said doing laundry costs her money. That was the first time I heard laundry being a problem. I offered to send her money for it, but she said no and told me I couldn’t wash my clothes at her house anymore and that I’d have to wait until I get to college. For context, I don’t have a car, I’m 18, and I’m temporarily staying with her because of a difficult home situation. Which gives me nowhere else to wash my clothes. I got frustrated because this wasn’t the first time she’s changed her mind after saying yes to something. I know she has every right to set boundaries in her home, but I just wish she had said something earlier instead of switching up at the last minute. It felt sudden and harsh. Part of the frustration comes from our dynamic. My sister can be very controlling. She likes things done her way, and sometimes it feels like she says no just because she can. For example A little while ago, my sister offered to pay me to complete three tasks after I quit my job. I agreed and started on them, but midway through she changed her mind and said she’d only pay me for one. I get that she might’ve had her own reasons, but it still affected me, especially since I was relying on that money. For that reason in the moment, I felt like I had to stand up for myself. But now I’m looking back and realizing she really didn’t owe me anything, even if I didn’t agree with how it was handled. Later on, my brother told me, “They don’t owe you an explanation. It’s their house.” And while I know that’s technically true, hearing that really stung. I grew up in an environment where I was constantly told “don’t ask questions” or “you don’t need to know,” so now when people say things like that, it hits hard. It brings back that feeling of being shut out or disregarded. I also found out after the argument from someone else that my sister and her husband had been annoyed about how often I was doing laundry and thought it might’ve been OCD-related. It’s not. I just don’t have many clothes here, so I wash when I run out. They never told me directly. They only mentioned it to my mom and brother, so I had no idea it was even a problem. If I’d known, I would’ve figured something else out with my clothes…but instead my sister blew up on me causing a drawn out argument where I genuinely thought she was being her usual controlling bossy self just because she can. I’m not trying to be entitled. I know I’m staying here for free, and I genuinely appreciate it. I just wish people understood that communication isn’t about owing someone anything. It’s about respect. If someone expects something, and you say yes multiple times, and then suddenly say no at the last minute, it’s hard not to feel hurt or caught off guard. I’ve been replaying this whole thing in my head nonstop. I don’t want to keep obsessing over situations like this. Ik that no one is right in a misunderstanding it’s just about perspective…but as I continue to replay it in my head I just sound so entitled. I was just frustrated because my sister always finds something to push me around about I misread the situation and escalated it. In reality I was racking up the bills and in reality they didn’t need to tell me that (which they didn’t) I was just supposed to walk away and accept the no. I just hate being the “bad guy” in situations. My sister told my brother in law and I’m pretty sure they’re both annoyed with me being here. (I’m not trying to be a victim that’s just the vibe I’m getting) I want to learn how to let things go without letting them take over my mind. If anyone relates or has advice, I’d appreciate it.
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