i and some scary thoughts again and i told myself maybe maybe not and it really calmed my anxiety. back then i wouldn’t have a been able to even say that but i’m really trying to get better i haven’t even tried erp maybe that’s why i can’t get better

saying maybe, maybe not also calms my anxiety and it makes me worry because if I am okay with the uncertainty then I must not have OCD.

Whenever I say maybe maybe not it calms my anxiety too. It’s confusing because my ocd takes it as “it means you like your thoughts” when I don’t. I haven’t tried erp that much either, I really want to get an NOCD specialist to help me because I find ERP to be extremely terrifying.

I don’t have a fiancé! I have a boyfriend, and I’m 18. I understand jealousy, I’m jealous of lots of people on this app because they don’t deal with real event associated with SOOCD. I’m going to share my real event story, it’s hard for me to share because it makes me feel super guilty. Also major trigger warning. I have memories of when I was younger, when I thought that I could be bi. And I didn’t care. I thought that because I think women are pretty and I watch lesbian p*rn that the only logical thing is that I could be bi. So I told people, like friends. But now, after I turned 18 I’ve realized that’s not something that I want, that’s not who I am. Before I got into the relationship with my boyfriend, I never once had these thoughts and if I did, I noticed them as untrue. But when I got into the relationship these thoughts started popping up, and I thought they were true because I’ve spent most of my childhood enjoying lesbian p*rn. But that was my only reasoning. Now, I know that those thoughts aren’t true. I don’t know what I was thinking when I said those things. I’m a straight woman, and I want to pursue life with a man. I don’t want to be with a woman. And unfortunately OCD latches itself to that. It says because this happened it’s “true.” I’ve talked with someone else who has the same experience as me. I fear that I’m bi, I fear I’m just asexual, and I fear I’m lesbian, or I fear that I just want to be a boy. I don’t want to be with a girl. No matter how many times my mind has tricked me into thinking my thoughts are true and I should just accept it, at my core, I don’t want to be with a girl. I’m so scared I’m in denial even after all the times I felt certain this is OCD. This is so hard. And I’m sorry you have to go through this too. I’m here for you, we all are. This disorder is never tired of making things up, or bringing up new what ifs. You aren’t alone. OCD latches onto what we value most.