Is checking parts of your body when I feel anxious a compulsion?

Thank you, I feel like I'm not alone.

@Rinata You’re definitely not alone. I let that topic tear me down. But I’m here to say I made it!

Hi there. I am currently drowning in SOOCD thoughts and would appreciate any information/tips/words of encouragement you could provide on how to get better. I feel like I will never recover from these thoughts and will never again identify as the straight woman I’ve always been. I have spent so much time mentally checking that my brain has convinced me that I was attracted to every woman I’ve ever come across in my life, even though I have only ever been with men. I don’t know what to do because I also now feel like I have lost my attraction to men, but all I want is to get it back. It feels like this isn’t OCD and that this is just me being in denial of my sexuality and clinging to the fact that I don’t want to be gay, even though I know that no matter what I don’t get to choose what I am. I really can’t live with the idea of being gay though so I don’t know how to get through this.

@cf05 I would start with just letting it be, I know that sounds horrifying and I know cause I’ve been there too, I checked so much and eventually felt the same way , thinking I was just being in denial and was gay my whole life. I would look back on things that seemed gay and just everything I thought my whole life was a lie during those days. And I had a girlfriend at the time and lost my attraction and I was so horrified by the fact that I could be gay. I remember the phrase I use to tell myself, the compulsive phrase was “I’m not gay, I never was and i never will be” and it just made it worse, like a drug, overtime the reassurance just was so minimal I was freaking out. I mean I couldn’t even see the word gay and not feel anxious. And I support gay people and all. I could go on and on but the thing that helped me out was just not engaging with the thoughts, mindfulness and just keep going. I know it seems like it’s never going to end but i swear the moment you say I just don’t care anymore and just do your best to live your life, you will gain your perspective back. Overthinking will kill your reality

@Imtrigad0529 I appreciate that, thank you. My biggest problem right now is that I do care. So much. Being gay would change my life in ways that I never want to experience, so sitting with these thoughts and with everything that feels like “proof” is making me feel like my life will never be the same. Being gay is not something that I want, but it feels like I have to be. It doesn’t make sense that thoughts about something I so desperately want to go away will not leave my mind for even a split second. It just feels like denial.

@cf05 That’s exactly how I felt. I was down very bad. It’s an awful feeling because yea it’s something you definitely don’t want but that’s what ocd does. Have you heard of Nathan Peterson? He’s got videos on YouTube on how to handle this ocd and all types of ocd.