please help me. my ocd is leading to me to believe that this is something i’m going to act on & that i am a pedophile. i had to leave my moms appointment bc i’m panicking and crying.

i’m having a full on panic attack, i never used to be like this, what tf is happening to me, why am i like this, i’m so convinced i’m a horrible person and i deserve to be shut out forever because of my thoughts, i’m tired of struggling with harm ocd, i’m scared that because i have mental health issues i’m gonna end up ki!!ing someone someday or end up on the news, when i was at work earlier i kept thinking “how easy would it be to ki!! someone and get away with it” someone help, i don’t feel normal, am i crazy?… 😭😭i know that with ocd you’re not supposed to have reassurance and you have to be “okay” with the situation but.. how am i supposed to be okay with feeling like i could hurt someone…

I told a few people on social media about my OCD, including POCD and how distressing it is. But everyone went quiet, then a few hours later I posted that I don’t support pedophilia at all neither do I justify it or am a pedo. Then someone replied with: “I think someone might take it bc u have such an obsessive fear of it u might have actual p3 do philic tendencies” I can’t do this anymore, I’m terrified to spiral again like a few months ago but I’m on the brink of doing it again. I’m shaking and stressing tf out I hate this so so so so so much

im not sure what this could be described as exactly since this is the first time i can explicitly remember something like this happening and it lasted for a few hours (thankfully i had no internet on the flight so i couldn’t seek reassurance) but yesterday, as i was on an airplane back to the us, i was watching desperate housewives and was watching an episode where one of the moms (lynette scavo) went into a swimming coach’s (art shepard) house and there was a scene where she and her kids were in the house and she found her kids in the basement filled with a bunch of kids games. however, the wall to the side was also filled with pictures of young shirtless boys which indicated that he could be a pedophile. i feel like i looked at the screen a bit more intently during that specific scene to see what exactly it was that was causing the suspense of the moment. however, my mind started telling me that i looked at the screen because i was attracted to the kids and that i am supposedly a pedophile. i had a thought spiral about this for maybe an hour or two during the flight where my mind was trying to accuse me and i tried mentally rationalizing as to why im not a pedophile and reassured myself that this is probably just ocd but it seemed very real at the time period and it freaked me out