What happened to my brain? Numbness? Did I just become a sociopath? Please I hope I didn't. Memory Loss. I need answers. I feel like I'm on the verge of losing my mind. I AM UNDIAGNOSED, I don't even know what or how to tell a therapist about my problems. I've neglected my own safety since I avoided getting therapy since my suicide attempt one year ago. I'm scared that the therapist might make my OCD worse. I'm bad at expressing myself. Right now, I am trying my best to gain composure and brainstorm out a coherent paragraph for you guys to read. I don't feel anything. I want to feel emotions again. I literally am trying so hard to find the right words to describe my situation and my wellbeing. I remember a few months ago, when I was able to feel more emotions and compassion. I remember when I woke up on Thanksgiving's and felt that my entire psyche changed. I feel like a good chunk of my brain was removed overnight. Suddenly, I think as though my compassion and empathy weren't as so present. I started to ruminate A LOT about my feelings and constantly compared myself to a sociopath/psychopath. Every time I read something along the lines of "Socio/psychopaths don't worry about themselves being such things" as a way of reassurance, another thought wounds up screwing my entire process over with the simple question "What if I'm not worried that I am one?" or "Haha I am one" and then I get feelings of joy that I am one, but then I catch myself and then I say "What the fuck?" It feels so real, IT FEELS SO CONVINCING. I kept telling myself, I'd rather be dead then be a socio/psychopath. Lately I feel like I'm becoming more and more numb and emotionally blank. I don't feel as worried as I should be whenever someone close to me suffers some mishap. My dad called me to tell me that he caught Covid-19 and I ruminated and observed how I react. I didn't feel anything and immediately chastised myself for not feeling any form of concern or worry. I tried force myself to feel some worry and concern to no avail. I couldn't even cry. GUILT: WHERE DID MY GUILT GO? Where did all of my guilty conscience go? I remember I did things in my past that were so regrettable I would rather die than do it again. Whenever I try to look back at those moments, I feel like all my regret has disappeared. What the hell? What happened to my guilt? I just want to die and be forgotten. I spent a good chunk of my time lurking around this reddit reading about how people feel guilty about having thoughts like these, and I realized that I may be the only one here who's guilt has been lost to time. Or have I become so detached from my emotions and thoughts that they seem like a separate entity. I used to feel so much guilt for things I've done. What the hell happened to me? My biggest fears is that I'll literally become a sociopath/psychopath. I'm scared that I'll lose control and give in to my thoughts. I'm scared that I won't feel any worry, shame, or guilt. I feel so numb. I'm scared that one day I'll ignore my OCD thoughts and act on impulse. I miss my anxiety. I miss being empathetic, now I don't even remember if I was empathetic at all. I have POCD, ROCD, and Harm-OCD thoughts. I don't see a way out other than death, but then I know there are people who will be traumatized and scarred. I can't feel anything. I just can't. I'm emotionally confused