I’d like some guidance please (not reassurance, just guidance). I’m recovering from HOCD and I think I’m doing quite well. The thing is…my brain doesn’t like that…AT ALL. I’ve developed a new obsession over men now (as a heterosexual woman in HOCD recovery this seems weird, I know but please bear with me). I’ve seen 3 guys lately that I don’t think are bad looking and I don’t think I want to date them but my mind keeps messing with me. I’ve lost myself entirely. I don’t even know what my taste in men is like anymore. When I’m having thoughts such as “he’s not bad looking but I don’t think he’s my type. I just appreciate him,” but then start to obsess over if this is true should I dismiss it like normal OCD? It seems as if my OCD has transformed and latched onto anything it could. With the fact that my HOCD, almost diminished my attraction entirely (which is normal btw) I no longer no what it feels like to fancy someone instead of admire them. Well, I do sometimes. It’s funny because in rare occasions I may see a guy and feel unmistakable attraction towards them (in these moments I feel crazy about ever obsessing over who I like because it’s obvious there’s something different with them). However, I also worry that my taste in men has changed because of HOCD and that concerns me for some reason. I think my OCD stems from a need to be in control as I have a lot of Perfectionist OCD traits (such as re-reading and checking, trying to make it “just right,” worrying if I don’t do things a certain way as I won’t seem good enough, etc). I was always very sure of my identity; I knew what I liked and didn’t like but HOCD threw that under the bus. Deep down I know who I am but I’m lost in all these intrusive thoughts so I honestly don’t know who I am half the time. Can someone give me some advice? Thanks.

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?

I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.