could i please talk with someone that has harm ocd? i’m struggling rly bad

Yes! I used to get this theme intensely a few years ago and now it doesn’t bother me anymore, ask away!

and everyone i’ve seen that has harm ocd said they knew 100% that they didn’t want to act on their thoughts but for me i don’t even know anymore

@Anonymous Also, ruminating is a compulsion. So you analyzing your feelings towards that (if I really want to or not) is actually reinforcing the thought and making it come back strong. Try to let it come in, label it and focus on how you're feeling and sit with the anxiety.

@kmecroz85 oh okay i didn’t know that, tysm! it’s just so hard not to figure out my feelings and thoughts

@Anonymous I knowwwww but once you do you'll do so much better!

@eimjin I struggled a LOT at first trying to figure out whether my intrusive harm thoughts were wanted or unwanted. I remember one time I was telling my therapist about all my harm thoughts, and she asked me whether they were wanted or unwanted. And I just broke down weeping because I didn’t know! But ERP helped break the power of these thoughts and gave me confidence that I am in control of my actions and I can make choices of whether or not I’m going to act on the thoughts. And I don’t want to act on them. So I don’t! Hope you can find relief soon. It’s really hard and scary sometimes 😞 Hold out hope that it CAN get better!! Don’t give up!

@n.celeste yes i’ve broke down so many times bc i just didn’t know how i rly felt atp bc my mind is constantly going against me and makes me question every feeling and thought that pops up but i started to just let the thoughts pass without really giving it a reaction and that has helped me TREMENDOUSLY today (i just started doing it 😭) it’s so hard to not cave into the thoughts, it’s almost like a addictive thing or like a habit. but i’m rly trying to be hopeful abt it, tysm for commenting that 💗💗

@eimjin I totally understand. What I learned it that I don’t have to figure it out. I don’t have to know whether the thoughts are wanted or unwanted. Because what matters are my actions. And I can make conscious choices about whether to act on them or not. Just because I had the thought doesn’t mean I’m out of control of my actions. That realization gave me a lot of freedom

@n.celeste yea i’m just scared deep down i want to do them so i feel like my brain will make me act on it and idk it’s so frustrating and hard to explain :(

@eimjin You don’t need to explain. I totally relate. Doing intensive ERP therapy is what helped me manage the thoughts a lot better. Before doing lots of exposures I was a total mess

@n.celeste what kind of erp did you do? i’m worried that doing it will make me act on my thoughts and make them worse

@eimjin Well I’ve done lots of different exposures. You typically start small and work your way up to more intense exposures. The most intense one I did, which was also the most helpful, was holding a knife to my wrist and thinking I might act on my intrusive thought to harm myself. I did that one with a therapist supervising me at first, but then I did it on my own. It was SO anxiety inducing for me at first. And now it causes me almost no anxiety at all!

@n.celeste omg yeah that sounds so stressful 😭😭 i’m glad that your doing better now tho! thats fr such a good accomplishment

i’m scared that’s it’s not ocd and that i really do want to hurt family, it stresses me out so much and my brain is telling me that i HAVE to hurt my family and i feel like there’s no way around it, and sometimes i get the feeling that i ENJOY that thought and i’m only anxious bc i’m suppressing my desires on the inside. i feel like i’m going crazy and i’m so scared

Hey! Hijacking this thread too. I have Harm OCD and mine does this sometimes. It also does the thought of what if I just snap and do it so I stop being afraid? It's really dumb. I'm doing ERP and it's scary, but you need to be honest and vocal about your struggles. That can be scary, but don't hide from it. I educated my husband on OCD then the subtype of harm and he's my support system and helps me do my ERP sessions. Also, you've GOT to remember that a thought is just a thought. It's an intrusive thought. The complete opposite of who you are. You can think thoughts all day but they don't come true. For instance, I like to pretend I'm skinny and going to work out, BUTTTT nah, I'm totally going to eat that donut and I rock a mean mom body. Also, the what if thought with Harm is no different than us thinking, "what if I go outside naked and rub my butt on the tree?". Will I do that? No. Could it happen? Sure, there's a tree out front, but man it's cold and I really would rather not rub my butt on that tree naked. Lastly, get into therapy, it's helped me a ton. Know you'll have good days and bad days but you've got to remind yourself they're just thoughts.

@kmecroz85 thank you so much for saying these things <33 i’m also afraid that i really do enjoy my thoughts and that i WANT to act on them bc sometimes it feels like i do but then i get super anxious and feel sick after thinking that, im scared i’m suppressing how i really feel :(

@Anonymous I get that, I do. You've got to figure out what your compulsions are so you can stop doing them, which in turn stops from reinforcing the thoughts. The likelyhood of you wanting to do those things are probably the same likelyhood of you getting hit in the head with a comet right now while reading this sentence. Could you do it? I mean, anyone could, if they had 2 hands. But the fact is you are in control of your actions and you're on this forum afraid. I'm pretty sure serial killers didn't worry that they were wanting to hurt people. They enjoyed the thought and chose to do it. ;)

@kmecroz85 yeah that makes a lot of sense thank you :) and i’m not sure if i have compulsions? like not any physical ones.

@Anonymous i felt this! this is how my thoughts are with pocd 😞

@Anonymous I'm the same. I don't have any physical compulsions. Ruminating is mine, testing myself too is one. So like, I'll be happy and be like seeee I'm not having an intrusive.... Then boom. Insert thought. Also, I research it alot when I'm anxious and that's a compulsion. It's like I'm trying to remind myself that this is normal (which it is) I just forget that when I'm feeling anxious.

@Anonymous_234 i’m sorry :(( ik it’s rly hard

@kmecroz85 YES!!! that’s EXACTLY what i do too. i had no clue that counted as a compulsion. i’m also not diagnosed with OCD so i’m still scared that’s not what it is

@Anonymous That thought is just another intrusive thought. Obviously I'm not a doctor but it sounds a lot like OCD. I would definitely schedule a call with the app. Your hour call they will do this in depth questionnaire and you'll get your diagnosis.

@kmecroz85 ahh okay, i didn’t know they could diagnose me through the call. i’ll def do that tho ty :)

@eimjin No prob! Your first call is like 15 minutes and they get you set with a counselor. Then your very first call it's like an hour or so long, your counselor will ask alllllll kinds of questions. Just be open and honest and you'll get your diagnosis.

@kmecroz85 oh okay thank you again for talking to me abt this!! i appreciate it so much <33

Yeah I had the same thoughts and fears. It really really felt like the intrusive thoughts were real!! I can’t remember how the thoughts stopped being so intense for me but I’m definitely numb to harmful things that would trigger me now. I think ERP could be really helpful to try and also talking to someone you’re comfortable with about it!

wait fr?? i thought i was the only one with these specific thoughts bc it feels so real and it doesn’t feel like ocd sometimes, it’s so so so scary :(( like i fr feel evil and like i’m a monster.

@Anonymous You are not a monster! Intrusive thoughts are EXTREMELY believable. I was so scared of myself and kept getting triggered and didn’t know what to do!! Now looking back it’s so eye opening to see how much these thoughts were negatively impacting me. Remember they are just thoughts that your mind creates because it knows you are scared and other people (me!) have also had these same thoughts you are experiencing. You aren’t alone!!

@Anonymous you have no clue how much this has helped me see things more clearly, thank u so much for taking the time to talk to me abt this i appreciate it so so so much!!

@eimjin Of course!! Keep going, you’re going to feel calm again trust me! I had it so bad I never saw myself getting better and here I am!

@Anonymous yes thats how i feel rn, like i can’t ever go back to feeling “normal” like i’m too far gone 😭 but that rly gives me hope <33

GURL. I am right there with you. 🤍Harm OCD is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. You’re not alone.

it really is :( it literally makes me so scared of myself

@eimjin Exactly. That’s very well said. It makes me so scared of myself too.

@eimjin Here’s a video I watched last night that could be helpful to you 🤍 https://youtu.be/UHCtK_KWiSE

@eimjin Also, I think it says in this video^.. it has helped me to remember that OCD attacks what you value or love the most. It sucks but at least that helps me feel more aware of what the OCD is trying to do

@AFlowerForYou omg thank you so much!!! i’ll def watch it rn 💗💗💗

Aww you’re welcome! I hope it at least helped you feel more normal. Even just reading some of the comments on the video helped me realize that a lot of people struggle with harm OCD. There is also a community group this Wednesday that meets over zoom that specifically covers harm OCD. I tried one of the groups today on OCD and change and several people in the group said they struggled with harm OCD. I literally started to tear up just because I’ve never really heard so many people share and talk about it like that. I definitely recommend looking into the groups! I have a link for that too if you need :)

ooo yea send me the link to it pls i would love to watch it :)) and sorry for so many questions but is it normal for me to feel like i wanna do the thoughts and my brain tells me i like them :/

@eimjin https://www.treatmyocd.com/support-groups Apparently the harm-themed group has been cancelled for this week on Wednesday but it seems like it is touched on in every group. At least it was in the group I tried today. I’m looking forward to when they have it next Wednesday! I definitely suggest scrolling through the groups they have available this week🤍 Yes, I was literally experiencing that this morning/afternoon/last night. It SUCKS. My brain tries to convince me that I like the thoughts and that I want something bad to happen. I’m also a person that really enjoys true crime shows and podcasts,etc. so I get convinced that I like crime. I think it’s fascinating and that forensics is fascinating but I don’t really want it to happen and I think it is bad. Sometimes our brains really do try to trick us. I know my brain tries to convince me that I’m bad, but fighting lies with the truth helps to bring us back to what’s really real. (Even though the scary thoughts can seem so so real!)