I’ve had ocd since I was 14 15 years old i was a big tomboy and still am I always wore my hair in a ponytail never wore makeup just guy clothes doing girl stuff wasn’t for me then I got ocd and was hospitalized for it my family didn’t no wat to do cause my ocd was makeing simple things take me forever and everything had a ritual but I got a little bit better and started high school so I was trying to fit in i had to try harder cause my ocd made me ritualize everything dressing showering grooming so getting ready everyday was hard even when I was a little bit better and on medication it was work to get dressed it was work to put on my makeup and straighten my hair everything had a routine to it but I wanted to fit in I wanted to appear normal I started straightening my hair and wearing it down I started wearing concelor and foundation I was still a tomboy so eyeliner and mascara wasn’t really for me but I worked wit wat I was able to do and I ran wit it so for years I straightened my hair and wore that makeup cause just doing that was harder for me cause I couldn’t just do it it had to be done all at once in the morning when I’d get ready for school I couldn’t like being a makeup bag to school and touch up my makeup in between classes it was hard enough doing it in the morning I couldn’t bring my deodorant in my backpack and reapply it in the locker room cause again I got ready in order 1 time at home and that was it for me I didn’t really notice it cause I didn’t really even wear makeup and my hair staid straight so it didn’t bother me to not redo and reapply things threwout the day but I did notice other girls in the mirror putting on mascara and girls carrying there makeup up bag wit everything in it putting makeup on in the car I couldn’t do those things but all these years I’ve had 1 look cause by the time I kind of figured who I was as a kid I had ocd and it made it hard to do things but I did wat I could and just created a habit and rules to doing my hair like only straightening it no other hairstyles besides up in a bun I can’t wear a ponytail I can’t curl my hair I was never a girly girl so I didn’t have like a hair crimper and clips so I never even had girly stuff to even do pretend dress up wit all I new was my hair straightener I never really got to the girly part of doing makeup for the first time and finding myself I was a kid when I got ocd and going into high school and finding out who you are and your style never really happened to me but now that I’m older I want to be a nice woman and mother and look presentable but I just always look a mess no matter if I worked really hard to do my hair and makeup I still look like a tomboy cause I can’t do makeup I can’t use bony pins in my hair and do a cute updo I don’t want to go to my kids school when there older looking like a little trashy kid still I feel like my ocd is a strict parent and has sheltered me and now I’m the wierd girl that doesn’t wear makeup and no anything bout looking presentable it’s hard to explain but I just wanted to share this cause I’ve always been alone wit my ocd but I have had friends that I’d watch do there hair and makeup so effortlessly witout a second though cause they were normal they aren’t counting they aren’t doing any rituals there just applying makeup as they should girls I’m school we’re always wearing cute outfits playing together doing each others hair and makeup tlk bout girly stuff and I had to pretend I didn’t care bout any of that stuff when really I thought bout it all the time I just new it took me just as long to look crappy as it took someone to be fully dressed done hair and makeup but it took my longer but someone else could look way more presentable mascara eyeliner lip gloss a cute hairstyles and they could do it in any order I had to dress them deodorant and wat not then hair and makeup I couldn’t do my hair sitting in my bra and underwear I had to do my dressing ritual to put on my clothes for the day then the other stuff then done it’s just been really hard.

I’ve come to a point in my life where I can be very happy. I have a safe environment, a loving community. Yknow I’ve really healed through or moved on from a traumatic past and as I say to my boyfriend from time to time like a broken record: I feel like nowadays the only thing bringing me stress or at times misery is myself. I am a fairly joyful person, when I’m comfortable I’m very goofy and like to sing dance and have fun. I find that I relate to so many amazing people I meet that are the nicest, most fun, elevating individuals, who also struggle with the hardest sometime debilitating things. It truly sucks because when I find those moments of peace I see the power of what an ocd mind could be as a person. We are people who may over analyze, but I myself also always find the good in people. And aye if in a moment I don’t think anything is doomly wrong and if I don’t try to understand it I may parish 😅 then that moment feels like the best one in the world. But on the other side of that when I’m not in a quiet mind moment and I’m left with myself to take control of what life in front of me looks like in or around me. I almost have been crumbling. Like I said at the beginning of this story here, the life around me is not so situationally stressful. And it’s also fairly simple. My boyfriend and I live together in a small cozy trailer with our two cats, he works full time very hard and I work part time where I spend as much time as I can working and then have a few days around the house. We’re saving for a home and are quite content with our lifestyle at the moment with work and being “lazy”, or resting and going out for fun now an then on our time off together. Most times though I do have day or two off during the week by myself, which usually goes one of only two ways. Like I said before I do like to work hard, especially now that I have a part time job that’s fairly easier than others I’ve had in the past. So I work 6-7 hours then drive home, air up my tires and wash my car sometimes because I like doing something after work while I still have energy.Or I go to the store. Come home make food, prolly nap and not really worry about too much because I’ve worked all day. But on my days off. I find myself waking up with a lot of anxiety. I usually fight it off by going back to sleep. But my OCD is heavily circled around shame. Even though I only sleep in till 10-11, 12-1 at the latest. I find myself thinking about how wrong (in nice terms) it is to do that. And the funny thing is the older I get (I’m a 21F). I’m not as pressured by this thought, even though it’s still stressful it literally just feels like a thought I can’t escape from. To put things in simple terms. I truly psycho analyze my actions breath by breath and my intrusive thoughts are critiquing those actions bit by bit. I’ve recently have started medication and it was a tremendous difference in the beginning and it helped me cope with the acceptance and letting go (f it or just care less) of those thoughts. But let’s say I forget to take it, or I wake up one morning by myself all day and I’m super tired or unmotivated. That day will feel truly debilitated. And now I’m definitely to the point where I’m battling that, but also have a thin vale behind that where I now know what is going on. And the thoughts are shameful for “not trying to get better or be better” Because I do Like I write a lot, and it truly is one of the best coping mechanisms for working through intrusive or obsessive compulsions. I could also write all day, and if I don’t listen to that ease of the anxiety from writing. And try to keep going the writing will turn into a compulsion itself I feel like I should not stop or critique it as well. But luckily I’ll hopefully find my place in explaining the cycle of what I do when my brain is very loud about things. The next time it’s too loud:)

Hi, I’m new to the app as of today. I’m 20 years old, and wanted to get some stuff off my chest about the types of OCD I’ve been experiencing over the years. I’m not entirely sure how or when my OCD was brought up, but I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. Anywhere and everywhere I go, if I see things placed in an order/angle that my brain doesn’t approve of, next thing I know I’m “fixing” it to be in the placement I feel looks better. I’m not aware of why I feel the need to do that, but until an object is in the “right” placement, I won’t take my eyes off of it. My eye will even twitch. Another form of OCD I have is in relationships. I spend each day overthinking and over-analyzing every one of the relationships that are important to me. Friends, family, significant other. Another one is what’s considered “Pure OCD” . When I get an intrusive thought of something devilish, whether it’s randomly seeing my great aunt naked bc my grandma considers her “fat” even though she’s not, or it’s seeing something demonic and traumatizing, I immediately tell myself, “I don’t wanna see/think about that” over and over and over until the thought is gone. Or I’ll try to replace one mental image with another. One other form of OCD I face every day, is religion. I got baptized for the first time in my life earlier this year in January. I had finally started to repent for my sins, and now I’m constantly feeling afraid that I’m letting God down due to my depression/lack of motivation and vaping/smoking. I also fear excessively that He’ll banish me from His kingdom, or just turn a cold shoulder. I know that what I’ve just typed up is probably all over the place. That is my brain unfortunately. How do you go from being a mentally disorderly and seemingly erratic young woman, to a more well-established, successful woman? I’m all ears!

I'm sry if this may make people worry or feel uncomfortable in advance! Hello everyone as u can see I struggle with ocd and I HATE IT WITH MY LIFE , it started in 2020 covid obv contamination ocd started here , I used to carry alcohol everywhere and used to wash my hands so much that it bled ( had to wear gloves to cover it so friends or family won't see it ) and everything else started since then , harm ocd with myself or friends I couldn't hold a knife..it was really hard..and I have unwanted sexual thoughts ocd , I have panic attacks bc of this..I sometimes cannot look people into their eyes and its so random and so scary..thoughts about.. 🍇..whether it's me or I'm gonna harm someone else uk..I sometimes cannot function properly.. unfortunately friends don't understand it rather think it's about " perfectionism "..I wrote those thoughts and stuff in a journal in more details ofc and doodle ( I'm scared someone will find it ) I hate myself tbh and I don't think someone will read this... I suspect I have ADHD with all this but ocd is " ur faking it " even though lots of people have hinted about it , I thought I actually killed someone for 2 years a girl..until I realized what HOCD is , I thought I faked my ocd too in fact , I have perfectionism ocd too it's bad and I HATE PURE O it's so DRAINING uk.. also idk if this has caused a problem for anyone but if y'all know the Truman show ( basically if u don't know the main character is being filmed and his life is fake and he doesn't know it ) THAT MOVIE HAS HARMED ME SO BADLY FOR YEARS that until today I have to check in the bathroom if there are cameras cuz like ocd makes me think I'm living in a fake world , I used to think people around me , everyone was like a Ai model or smth.. everytime until today I have to clean the toilet seat bc it may be dirty..I have been taking up to 5 showers a day cuz maybe I'm dirty..that's it for today tysm if u read this till the end I'd like to know ur thoughts if u got tips or have similar experiences ! 🤗 U get a chocolate bar 🍫 bc u earned it bc ik how ocd is so frustrating ( I also noticed everyone who has ocd is so nice right 😆! )