I’ve had ocd since I was 14 15 years old i was a big tomboy and still am I always wore my hair in a ponytail never wore makeup just guy clothes doing girl stuff wasn’t for me then I got ocd and was hospitalized for it my family didn’t no wat to do cause my ocd was makeing simple things take me forever and everything had a ritual but I got a little bit better and started high school so I was trying to fit in i had to try harder cause my ocd made me ritualize everything dressing showering grooming so getting ready everyday was hard even when I was a little bit better and on medication it was work to get dressed it was work to put on my makeup and straighten my hair everything had a routine to it but I wanted to fit in I wanted to appear normal I started straightening my hair and wearing it down I started wearing concelor and foundation I was still a tomboy so eyeliner and mascara wasn’t really for me but I worked wit wat I was able to do and I ran wit it so for years I straightened my hair and wore that makeup cause just doing that was harder for me cause I couldn’t just do it it had to be done all at once in the morning when I’d get ready for school I couldn’t like being a makeup bag to school and touch up my makeup in between classes it was hard enough doing it in the morning I couldn’t bring my deodorant in my backpack and reapply it in the locker room cause again I got ready in order 1 time at home and that was it for me I didn’t really notice it cause I didn’t really even wear makeup and my hair staid straight so it didn’t bother me to not redo and reapply things threwout the day but I did notice other girls in the mirror putting on mascara and girls carrying there makeup up bag wit everything in it putting makeup on in the car I couldn’t do those things but all these years I’ve had 1 look cause by the time I kind of figured who I was as a kid I had ocd and it made it hard to do things but I did wat I could and just created a habit and rules to doing my hair like only straightening it no other hairstyles besides up in a bun I can’t wear a ponytail I can’t curl my hair I was never a girly girl so I didn’t have like a hair crimper and clips so I never even had girly stuff to even do pretend dress up wit all I new was my hair straightener I never really got to the girly part of doing makeup for the first time and finding myself I was a kid when I got ocd and going into high school and finding out who you are and your style never really happened to me but now that I’m older I want to be a nice woman and mother and look presentable but I just always look a mess no matter if I worked really hard to do my hair and makeup I still look like a tomboy cause I can’t do makeup I can’t use bony pins in my hair and do a cute updo I don’t want to go to my kids school when there older looking like a little trashy kid still I feel like my ocd is a strict parent and has sheltered me and now I’m the wierd girl that doesn’t wear makeup and no anything bout looking presentable it’s hard to explain but I just wanted to share this cause I’ve always been alone wit my ocd but I have had friends that I’d watch do there hair and makeup so effortlessly witout a second though cause they were normal they aren’t counting they aren’t doing any rituals there just applying makeup as they should girls I’m school we’re always wearing cute outfits playing together doing each others hair and makeup tlk bout girly stuff and I had to pretend I didn’t care bout any of that stuff when really I thought bout it all the time I just new it took me just as long to look crappy as it took someone to be fully dressed done hair and makeup but it took my longer but someone else could look way more presentable mascara eyeliner lip gloss a cute hairstyles and they could do it in any order I had to dress them deodorant and wat not then hair and makeup I couldn’t do my hair sitting in my bra and underwear I had to do my dressing ritual to put on my clothes for the day then the other stuff then done it’s just been really hard.

Hi, I’m new to the app as of today. I’m 20 years old, and wanted to get some stuff off my chest about the types of OCD I’ve been experiencing over the years. I’m not entirely sure how or when my OCD was brought up, but I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. Anywhere and everywhere I go, if I see things placed in an order/angle that my brain doesn’t approve of, next thing I know I’m “fixing” it to be in the placement I feel looks better. I’m not aware of why I feel the need to do that, but until an object is in the “right” placement, I won’t take my eyes off of it. My eye will even twitch. Another form of OCD I have is in relationships. I spend each day overthinking and over-analyzing every one of the relationships that are important to me. Friends, family, significant other. Another one is what’s considered “Pure OCD” . When I get an intrusive thought of something devilish, whether it’s randomly seeing my great aunt naked bc my grandma considers her “fat” even though she’s not, or it’s seeing something demonic and traumatizing, I immediately tell myself, “I don’t wanna see/think about that” over and over and over until the thought is gone. Or I’ll try to replace one mental image with another. One other form of OCD I face every day, is religion. I got baptized for the first time in my life earlier this year in January. I had finally started to repent for my sins, and now I’m constantly feeling afraid that I’m letting God down due to my depression/lack of motivation and vaping/smoking. I also fear excessively that He’ll banish me from His kingdom, or just turn a cold shoulder. I know that what I’ve just typed up is probably all over the place. That is my brain unfortunately. How do you go from being a mentally disorderly and seemingly erratic young woman, to a more well-established, successful woman? I’m all ears!

I never heard about people with OCD who have messy living conditions. Maybe this is why it took so long to accept my diagnosis. Although I really dont like how OCD is percieved at by the majority of people, I feel like Im weird or something because I dont fit into that stereotype. I understand that a lot of people with OCD have this issue, but why do I feel so different? If anybody else has/had this belief, what helps with feeling more comfortable? Everytime my mom points out my room, and how its messy- Its like I feel so lazy and useless. So then I often plan out everything I was going to do, step by step, always having a reasoning behind everything, because logic always comforts me. When I start tidying up my room, I go full out (Sheets, Laundry, Clorox, Candles, Vaccuming, Then I start going through the guinea pigs cage to rearranging all of their stuff) Yet always somewhere after doing a few things, I start feeling disgusting and almost shameful of myself. 99% of the time I end up laying on my floor sobbing, noting every little thing about my room. How my furiniture doesnt match, how i would rather have solid floor like hardwood or vinyl instead of the carpet, usually things i cant change… and then barely anything gets done in my room. I start to have a meltdown and often dont take care of myself even more afterwards. A piece of me feels like my thoughts are just me being a spoiled brat and wanting everything i dont have- meanwhile others dont even have a roof over their head. The other piece of me is just tired, just emotionally exaughsted. Please comment any thoughts or recomendations to maybe improve motovation and attitude towards doing long tasks.

I'm sry if this may make people worry or feel uncomfortable in advance! Hello everyone as u can see I struggle with ocd and I HATE IT WITH MY LIFE , it started in 2020 covid obv contamination ocd started here , I used to carry alcohol everywhere and used to wash my hands so much that it bled ( had to wear gloves to cover it so friends or family won't see it ) and everything else started since then , harm ocd with myself or friends I couldn't hold a knife..it was really hard..and I have unwanted sexual thoughts ocd , I have panic attacks bc of this..I sometimes cannot look people into their eyes and its so random and so scary..thoughts about.. 🍇..whether it's me or I'm gonna harm someone else uk..I sometimes cannot function properly.. unfortunately friends don't understand it rather think it's about " perfectionism "..I wrote those thoughts and stuff in a journal in more details ofc and doodle ( I'm scared someone will find it ) I hate myself tbh and I don't think someone will read this... I suspect I have ADHD with all this but ocd is " ur faking it " even though lots of people have hinted about it , I thought I actually killed someone for 2 years a girl..until I realized what HOCD is , I thought I faked my ocd too in fact , I have perfectionism ocd too it's bad and I HATE PURE O it's so DRAINING uk.. also idk if this has caused a problem for anyone but if y'all know the Truman show ( basically if u don't know the main character is being filmed and his life is fake and he doesn't know it ) THAT MOVIE HAS HARMED ME SO BADLY FOR YEARS that until today I have to check in the bathroom if there are cameras cuz like ocd makes me think I'm living in a fake world , I used to think people around me , everyone was like a Ai model or smth.. everytime until today I have to clean the toilet seat bc it may be dirty..I have been taking up to 5 showers a day cuz maybe I'm dirty..that's it for today tysm if u read this till the end I'd like to know ur thoughts if u got tips or have similar experiences ! 🤗 U get a chocolate bar 🍫 bc u earned it bc ik how ocd is so frustrating ( I also noticed everyone who has ocd is so nice right 😆! )