I’ve had ocd since I was 14 15 years old i was a big tomboy and still am I always wore my hair in a ponytail never wore makeup just guy clothes doing girl stuff wasn’t for me then I got ocd and was hospitalized for it my family didn’t no wat to do cause my ocd was makeing simple things take me forever and everything had a ritual but I got a little bit better and started high school so I was trying to fit in i had to try harder cause my ocd made me ritualize everything dressing showering grooming so getting ready everyday was hard even when I was a little bit better and on medication it was work to get dressed it was work to put on my makeup and straighten my hair everything had a routine to it but I wanted to fit in I wanted to appear normal I started straightening my hair and wearing it down I started wearing concelor and foundation I was still a tomboy so eyeliner and mascara wasn’t really for me but I worked wit wat I was able to do and I ran wit it so for years I straightened my hair and wore that makeup cause just doing that was harder for me cause I couldn’t just do it it had to be done all at once in the morning when I’d get ready for school I couldn’t like being a makeup bag to school and touch up my makeup in between classes it was hard enough doing it in the morning I couldn’t bring my deodorant in my backpack and reapply it in the locker room cause again I got ready in order 1 time at home and that was it for me I didn’t really notice it cause I didn’t really even wear makeup and my hair staid straight so it didn’t bother me to not redo and reapply things threwout the day but I did notice other girls in the mirror putting on mascara and girls carrying there makeup up bag wit everything in it putting makeup on in the car I couldn’t do those things but all these years I’ve had 1 look cause by the time I kind of figured who I was as a kid I had ocd and it made it hard to do things but I did wat I could and just created a habit and rules to doing my hair like only straightening it no other hairstyles besides up in a bun I can’t wear a ponytail I can’t curl my hair I was never a girly girl so I didn’t have like a hair crimper and clips so I never even had girly stuff to even do pretend dress up wit all I new was my hair straightener I never really got to the girly part of doing makeup for the first time and finding myself I was a kid when I got ocd and going into high school and finding out who you are and your style never really happened to me but now that I’m older I want to be a nice woman and mother and look presentable but I just always look a mess no matter if I worked really hard to do my hair and makeup I still look like a tomboy cause I can’t do makeup I can’t use bony pins in my hair and do a cute updo I don’t want to go to my kids school when there older looking like a little trashy kid still I feel like my ocd is a strict parent and has sheltered me and now I’m the wierd girl that doesn’t wear makeup and no anything bout looking presentable it’s hard to explain but I just wanted to share this cause I’ve always been alone wit my ocd but I have had friends that I’d watch do there hair and makeup so effortlessly witout a second though cause they were normal they aren’t counting they aren’t doing any rituals there just applying makeup as they should girls I’m school we’re always wearing cute outfits playing together doing each others hair and makeup tlk bout girly stuff and I had to pretend I didn’t care bout any of that stuff when really I thought bout it all the time I just new it took me just as long to look crappy as it took someone to be fully dressed done hair and makeup but it took my longer but someone else could look way more presentable mascara eyeliner lip gloss a cute hairstyles and they could do it in any order I had to dress them deodorant and wat not then hair and makeup I couldn’t do my hair sitting in my bra and underwear I had to do my dressing ritual to put on my clothes for the day then the other stuff then done it’s just been really hard.

I never heard about people with OCD who have messy living conditions. Maybe this is why it took so long to accept my diagnosis. Although I really dont like how OCD is percieved at by the majority of people, I feel like Im weird or something because I dont fit into that stereotype. I understand that a lot of people with OCD have this issue, but why do I feel so different? If anybody else has/had this belief, what helps with feeling more comfortable? Everytime my mom points out my room, and how its messy- Its like I feel so lazy and useless. So then I often plan out everything I was going to do, step by step, always having a reasoning behind everything, because logic always comforts me. When I start tidying up my room, I go full out (Sheets, Laundry, Clorox, Candles, Vaccuming, Then I start going through the guinea pigs cage to rearranging all of their stuff) Yet always somewhere after doing a few things, I start feeling disgusting and almost shameful of myself. 99% of the time I end up laying on my floor sobbing, noting every little thing about my room. How my furiniture doesnt match, how i would rather have solid floor like hardwood or vinyl instead of the carpet, usually things i cant change… and then barely anything gets done in my room. I start to have a meltdown and often dont take care of myself even more afterwards. A piece of me feels like my thoughts are just me being a spoiled brat and wanting everything i dont have- meanwhile others dont even have a roof over their head. The other piece of me is just tired, just emotionally exaughsted. Please comment any thoughts or recomendations to maybe improve motovation and attitude towards doing long tasks.

I'm sry if this may make people worry or feel uncomfortable in advance! Hello everyone as u can see I struggle with ocd and I HATE IT WITH MY LIFE , it started in 2020 covid obv contamination ocd started here , I used to carry alcohol everywhere and used to wash my hands so much that it bled ( had to wear gloves to cover it so friends or family won't see it ) and everything else started since then , harm ocd with myself or friends I couldn't hold a knife..it was really hard..and I have unwanted sexual thoughts ocd , I have panic attacks bc of this..I sometimes cannot look people into their eyes and its so random and so scary..thoughts about.. 🍇..whether it's me or I'm gonna harm someone else uk..I sometimes cannot function properly.. unfortunately friends don't understand it rather think it's about " perfectionism "..I wrote those thoughts and stuff in a journal in more details ofc and doodle ( I'm scared someone will find it ) I hate myself tbh and I don't think someone will read this... I suspect I have ADHD with all this but ocd is " ur faking it " even though lots of people have hinted about it , I thought I actually killed someone for 2 years a girl..until I realized what HOCD is , I thought I faked my ocd too in fact , I have perfectionism ocd too it's bad and I HATE PURE O it's so DRAINING uk.. also idk if this has caused a problem for anyone but if y'all know the Truman show ( basically if u don't know the main character is being filmed and his life is fake and he doesn't know it ) THAT MOVIE HAS HARMED ME SO BADLY FOR YEARS that until today I have to check in the bathroom if there are cameras cuz like ocd makes me think I'm living in a fake world , I used to think people around me , everyone was like a Ai model or smth.. everytime until today I have to clean the toilet seat bc it may be dirty..I have been taking up to 5 showers a day cuz maybe I'm dirty..that's it for today tysm if u read this till the end I'd like to know ur thoughts if u got tips or have similar experiences ! 🤗 U get a chocolate bar 🍫 bc u earned it bc ik how ocd is so frustrating ( I also noticed everyone who has ocd is so nice right 😆! )

Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help