Like okay, I want a boyfriend, I want someone I can introduce to the family and love unconditionally. But my body and brain won’t allow it to happen. If I meet a guy I will never meet up with them, I may even loose interest all together and panic. Even though I do like them I just can’t do it. I have severe anxiety, and commitment issues, I know that. But I don’t know how to get out of this cycle of stress. It’s not like I’m not interested in men, I am! It’s like if they don’t fit the imagine then I don’t want them. It’s a scary way to think because nobody is gonna be perfect, but by this rule way of thinking I may end up alone forever. I’m growing up fast and I don’t want to miss anything. I can’t go back and change what happened to me as a child, child trauma happened but now it’s effecting me big time. BIG TIME

1. Maintaining a journal would help to relieve the constant cycle of stress, and i won't take long, just 10 mins before going to bed. 2. CBT offers a therapy where you can change your core beliefs by providing necessary evidences to your brain about your thoughts. So just write your thought, which is bothering you and then draw two coloumns, one positive and one negative. Now as objectively as possible(objectivity is really necessary)try to write things which support your thought and out them in negative coloumn and things which doesn't support in the positive coloumn . Keep practising this technique as it will help you to change your core beliefs and will make you realize that most of the times, it's just a spiral of negative thought patterns which holds us back, reality is quite different than what our brain perceives it to be.

I actually have kept a journal before. I stopped it a couple of months ago bevause I was feeling better. Now I’m back ag jt I might just do it again! Thank you for the advice!!

Just find somebody that understands that you are you.

Thank you, I don’t want to give up. And I won’t! It’s just hard I wanna feel the connection with the guy of my dreams. Eveyone else seems to find it and allow it in but I can’t. It just hurts

@Someday I know it. I'm glad that you are strong.

@Someday I believe in you, for sure. I know how difficult it is to be alone. My own wife abandon me on the coldest day of January 2019. She has only spoken to me a few times since then and has been very mean and not understanding at all.

@WhiteLion Oh my gosh I’m so sorry you’ve gone though that. I hope you are doing okay!! Yeah it’s horrible completely horrible feeling alone. But we’ve got this community if we ever need it! That’s what feels amazing

@Someday Keep in touch, ok. I understand how you feel, it's definitely crap not having anyone to hold.

@Someday I'm mostly ok. But it was so traumatic, even misunderstanding and I was kicked out of my church.

@WhiteLion It effects me almost every day.

@WhiteLion Hurts too much.

@Someday Thank you for the encouragement.

@WhiteLion Anytime! I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to. I can’t even imagine what you’ve gone though, but you are so strong! You’ve got this!

@Someday Yeah. I have a really deep story. Unfortunately all of it true and these things are just a very small amount of the messed up 6 years just been had. lol... It's remarkable how cold people are.

@WhiteLion You don’t belive it until you see it. People can be so cold and I will never understand it. It’s painful it really is, but you talking about it shows how strong you are. 6 years is a long time but you’ve made it!

@Someday And to study music, was very nice for me, since when my grandma pass away, I received the piano back from her that I bought her a long time ago. It's 18 years ago now.

@Someday My grandma die in 2019, right after my wife leave..

@WhiteLion She very much treated me like she was my own mother.

@WhiteLion For 20 years I live with her

@WhiteLion And grandpa.

@WhiteLion Now I am on my own now 20 more years almost.. I am 36 now.

@WhiteLion I’m so sorry for you loss, it’s heartbreaking to hear. The people closest to you never leave you, it’s beautiful you had something passed down to you. You studied music??

@Someday My whole life, but in the last 3 years I've been learning more.

@Someday Hi! How are you doing today?