I’ve always had a hard time getting up and getting ready for the day cause my ocd rituals were really aggravating and time consuming even when I was better I still had rituals I still had to do like dressing a certain way haveing to lay out my clothes in order on my bed put them on in the same order then doing hygiene which also was done in an order and symmmetry way so just putting on deodorant I’d have to count do the left armpit then the rite and count the amount of times I went up and down I couldn’t just put on deodorant staright out the shower and then dress something’s kind of make sense to dress then do hygiene but I made it a ritual and rule to do it in a certain order I got dressed when I woke up and that was it for the day there was no reapplying deodorant and touching up my makeup in the bathroom I had a hard enough time doing it once a day and it was somewat normal to get up and get dressed I new I had ocd and that I’d always have somewat of ocd even when I got better so I didn’t really get upset by it I just kind of kept going and liveing like that i didn’t realize I was creating ocd habits and the years passed and I’m still doing the same things cause I never new I could get help to stop and dress like a normal person I feel like it’s inbedded in me like this is my normal and for 15 years I’ve been doing some variation of these rituals wit dressing and showering doing my hair and makeup it’s aggravating and time consumeing and it’s made me feel like less of a person growing up was hard dealing wit this while my friends were all playing dress up for the fuck of it I was doing my dressing ritual and haveing to do my makeup and hair a certain way I was so focused on trying to just be normal and present that the way I was doing these things was just the way I did them and I’d get them done and look presentable for the day and I just wanted to spend the day liveing like others were liveing I wasn’t really focused on stopping ritualizing my dressing and grooming habits and I thought this was the way it was gonna be atleast I could shower and dress and do hygiene in a normal amount of time they weren’t takeing up my day I just did them a certain way and went bout my day but the past few years my ocd has gotten worse again and I felt like I can’t get help hospitals and doctors and therapists hadn’t really helped wit the stopping of rituals I had gotten better at points being on medication and getting things down to were I wasn’t spending alot of time on these rituals but I still had to do them cause noone was helping me wit that part of it but things have been so hard the past few years and I found out bout exposure and response therapy and that there’s actual doctors and hopistlas that deal wit ocd and I’m hopeing I can get help cause I no at the times we’re I was better that if I could’ve gotten help to stop doing the rituals that I was doing I could’ve been even better and not continued those rituals all these years but hopefully I can get help.

I have had ocd for decades! Could I still be cured???? (Of you can call it that?) I have seen different therapists but it never had fully left me...not by any stretch of the imagination. I do want to be free of this ocd and its power over me and all the bad that it brought into my life!!! Some days I am strong and feel like I am fighting it put other days...many days...I don't get things done or if I do I take a long time to-do the things I need to get done. I feel like I know this is just then ocd stopping me and that these are just thoughts but nobody in my family understands and though they have shared my journey and hated it a I do.....it just feels like I want so bad to be the best person I coukd be but I avoid places, people, things, that have any reminder of my ocd.......and so it restricts me from getting better and completing tasks the way I used to. Now UI might go and make 2-3 trips cuz I am worried to shop at a place and therefore it takes my time up. The avoidance I do is bad! When I actually don't listen to my ocd and don't avoid something...I feel great! ,However, it happens so rarely!!! I.dont know how finding a therapist through NOCD will help me. It is not in person and two be honest I almost think I need medicine to push me along. I don't have anybsteady and consistent improvements. However, I don't think I want to be on medication for the rest of my life! I am very confused!

I’ve come to a point in my life where I can be very happy. I have a safe environment, a loving community. Yknow I’ve really healed through or moved on from a traumatic past and as I say to my boyfriend from time to time like a broken record: I feel like nowadays the only thing bringing me stress or at times misery is myself. I am a fairly joyful person, when I’m comfortable I’m very goofy and like to sing dance and have fun. I find that I relate to so many amazing people I meet that are the nicest, most fun, elevating individuals, who also struggle with the hardest sometime debilitating things. It truly sucks because when I find those moments of peace I see the power of what an ocd mind could be as a person. We are people who may over analyze, but I myself also always find the good in people. And aye if in a moment I don’t think anything is doomly wrong and if I don’t try to understand it I may parish 😅 then that moment feels like the best one in the world. But on the other side of that when I’m not in a quiet mind moment and I’m left with myself to take control of what life in front of me looks like in or around me. I almost have been crumbling. Like I said at the beginning of this story here, the life around me is not so situationally stressful. And it’s also fairly simple. My boyfriend and I live together in a small cozy trailer with our two cats, he works full time very hard and I work part time where I spend as much time as I can working and then have a few days around the house. We’re saving for a home and are quite content with our lifestyle at the moment with work and being “lazy”, or resting and going out for fun now an then on our time off together. Most times though I do have day or two off during the week by myself, which usually goes one of only two ways. Like I said before I do like to work hard, especially now that I have a part time job that’s fairly easier than others I’ve had in the past. So I work 6-7 hours then drive home, air up my tires and wash my car sometimes because I like doing something after work while I still have energy.Or I go to the store. Come home make food, prolly nap and not really worry about too much because I’ve worked all day. But on my days off. I find myself waking up with a lot of anxiety. I usually fight it off by going back to sleep. But my OCD is heavily circled around shame. Even though I only sleep in till 10-11, 12-1 at the latest. I find myself thinking about how wrong (in nice terms) it is to do that. And the funny thing is the older I get (I’m a 21F). I’m not as pressured by this thought, even though it’s still stressful it literally just feels like a thought I can’t escape from. To put things in simple terms. I truly psycho analyze my actions breath by breath and my intrusive thoughts are critiquing those actions bit by bit. I’ve recently have started medication and it was a tremendous difference in the beginning and it helped me cope with the acceptance and letting go (f it or just care less) of those thoughts. But let’s say I forget to take it, or I wake up one morning by myself all day and I’m super tired or unmotivated. That day will feel truly debilitated. And now I’m definitely to the point where I’m battling that, but also have a thin vale behind that where I now know what is going on. And the thoughts are shameful for “not trying to get better or be better” Because I do Like I write a lot, and it truly is one of the best coping mechanisms for working through intrusive or obsessive compulsions. I could also write all day, and if I don’t listen to that ease of the anxiety from writing. And try to keep going the writing will turn into a compulsion itself I feel like I should not stop or critique it as well. But luckily I’ll hopefully find my place in explaining the cycle of what I do when my brain is very loud about things. The next time it’s too loud:)

My struggles with OCD began in childhood, but it wasn’t until after giving birth to my first child at 30 that I finally received a diagnosis. For years, I suffered in silence with intense anxiety, insomnia, and intrusive thoughts, but because my compulsions were mostly mental—constant rumination, reassurance-seeking, and avoidance—I didn’t realize I had OCD. I experienced Pure O, where my mind would latch onto terrifying thoughts, convincing me something was deeply wrong with me. After my son was born, I was consumed by intrusive fears of harming him, even though I loved him more than anything. Seven weeks into postpartum, I hit a breaking point and ended up in the emergency room, where I was finally diagnosed. For the first time, everything made sense. I didn’t discover exposure and response prevention (ERP) until years later when my son developed Germ OCD during COVID. I went through the program myself first, and it completely changed my life. ERP helped me sit with my intrusive thoughts instead of reacting to them, breaking the cycle that had controlled me for so long. Life isn’t perfect, but it’s so much better than before. I can finally be present instead of trapped in my head. Now, I’m working on trusting myself more and handling challenges without fear of “losing control.” As I prepare to help my daughter start therapy, I feel empowered knowing I’m giving my children the support I never had. If you know you have OCD but haven’t started therapy yet, what’s holding you back?