I’ve always had a hard time getting up and getting ready for the day cause my ocd rituals were really aggravating and time consuming even when I was better I still had rituals I still had to do like dressing a certain way haveing to lay out my clothes in order on my bed put them on in the same order then doing hygiene which also was done in an order and symmmetry way so just putting on deodorant I’d have to count do the left armpit then the rite and count the amount of times I went up and down I couldn’t just put on deodorant staright out the shower and then dress something’s kind of make sense to dress then do hygiene but I made it a ritual and rule to do it in a certain order I got dressed when I woke up and that was it for the day there was no reapplying deodorant and touching up my makeup in the bathroom I had a hard enough time doing it once a day and it was somewat normal to get up and get dressed I new I had ocd and that I’d always have somewat of ocd even when I got better so I didn’t really get upset by it I just kind of kept going and liveing like that i didn’t realize I was creating ocd habits and the years passed and I’m still doing the same things cause I never new I could get help to stop and dress like a normal person I feel like it’s inbedded in me like this is my normal and for 15 years I’ve been doing some variation of these rituals wit dressing and showering doing my hair and makeup it’s aggravating and time consumeing and it’s made me feel like less of a person growing up was hard dealing wit this while my friends were all playing dress up for the fuck of it I was doing my dressing ritual and haveing to do my makeup and hair a certain way I was so focused on trying to just be normal and present that the way I was doing these things was just the way I did them and I’d get them done and look presentable for the day and I just wanted to spend the day liveing like others were liveing I wasn’t really focused on stopping ritualizing my dressing and grooming habits and I thought this was the way it was gonna be atleast I could shower and dress and do hygiene in a normal amount of time they weren’t takeing up my day I just did them a certain way and went bout my day but the past few years my ocd has gotten worse again and I felt like I can’t get help hospitals and doctors and therapists hadn’t really helped wit the stopping of rituals I had gotten better at points being on medication and getting things down to were I wasn’t spending alot of time on these rituals but I still had to do them cause noone was helping me wit that part of it but things have been so hard the past few years and I found out bout exposure and response therapy and that there’s actual doctors and hopistlas that deal wit ocd and I’m hopeing I can get help cause I no at the times we’re I was better that if I could’ve gotten help to stop doing the rituals that I was doing I could’ve been even better and not continued those rituals all these years but hopefully I can get help.